The tears are quickly followed
by the sobs that choke my throat.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to breathe.
My insides feel like the are going to
burst forth as my world is turned inside out.
Right now I see my suffering
makes you feel uncomfortable.
Know I am, too.
Right now I know you want to
tell me what to do.
To tell me what I need to do
to see this all differently.
I know you want to fix the problem.
And to me, right now, that makes me feel
like I’m the problem.
Like I’m broken.
Right now the last thing I need
is for you to try to fix me.
I’m not broken.
Even though it appears and feels like I am.
Right now I need someone to listen.
To really hear me.
Even if the retching sobs prevent me
from forming words that can escape
my throat in any meaningful way.
Right now I need you to hold the space for me.
To hold me and comfort me,
wrapping me in your arms
as the sadness,
leave my being.
Hold me in your arms;
let me follow the sound
of your heart beat back to my own.
Right now I need you
to be a witness to my transformation.
A witness to my strength;
even as I fold.
You’ve seen it before.
To witness my unbroken-ness.
Right now I need you to be silent
and neutral in your support.
Later when the storms have passed
we can talk about it.
Right now I’m not broken,
so don’t try to fix me.