“..when you just sit in silence the wind blows through you, the sun shines in you and you realize you are not your body you are everything.”
― Anita Krizzan
It use to be that I lived to eat. With each meal, I focused on my next one, or the one after that. Instead of living in the moment and fully enjoying the moment I was in – and the food that I was putting into my mouth and body – I looked to the moments I would live in several hours. As you can imagine, this meant that I did not really enjoy what I was eating.
By focusing on my next meal, I was also numbing myself to what I was feeling. This was easier than being present, which meant I had to live through and own what I was feeling. Being present meant I had to feel my feelings, thoughts and emotions fully. This all scared me, so I ran away from it all. Instead of living for now I looked to another time, a future time.
Now I eat to thrive. I eat to have the energy I need to succeed in my daily endeavors. No longer do I swallow my feelings, thoughts or emotions. My stomach and hips no longer carry all of the emotional baggage of what I avoided feeling.
Now I allow myself the luxury of feeling and experiencing a broader spectrum of emotions. Now I allow myself the luxury to enjoy what I am consuming.
From time to time the emotions threaten to overwhelm me. When I feel that need to eat to soothe myself, I get still within and breathe as the waves of emotion crash on my shore.
I sit still in confidence knowing that the sets will eventually diminish. The more I sit still and stare into the storm, the smaller the storm and its waves become. I sit confidently knowing that I am stronger and wiser with each storm that I weather.
Strength is borne out of surrendering to what is instead of fighting it.