This is a repress; not my words.
I often saw myself as the damsel in distress. Perhaps it was because inside of me lived the “evil stepmother.” Regardless of how well I walked the line, there was always something I could have done better. On my face I wore a smile, while on the inside I belittled myself. Most of my life, from the time I was 10 years old, I wanted someone to save me.
In the past year, I have walked through the valley, over hot coals and sometimes broken glass; the broken, smoldering shadows of myself have haunted me. I called out to my knight in shining armor to save me. I looked for him on silver horses. I sought him in bars, online dating, in friends, in friends of friends, even passers-by. I seek no more.
After a series of events, I have discovered that if I want to be saved, then I need to be the one to rise up and save myself. While I have significantly improved my self-care (and self-love) over the past year, there are still holes in my dam. I see now that if I want to be saved, that I need to get my hands and feet dirty to dig myself out of my self-imposed pit of shit.
Yes, I still silently wait for Tony Stark. However, I am saving myself now, I’m not waiting for him to save me.
Yes, I still want a partner in crime fighting. Flying is fun, and it’s an experience that can be shared.
Yes, I still desire to be desired. Superheroes still like to be validated and vulnerable, too.
(Meanwhile, back at the ranch) Until Tony arrives, I am stepping into my power now. I am stepping into my own suit of armor, wielding my own shield and sword to slay the dragons of illusion that blur my vision of the truth. For it is only I that can determine what to cut and what to keep.
My armory includes daily work that includes:
The Four Agreements (especially #4: Always do my best)
The Simple Prayer of St. Francis
Constant Prayer as needs arise
Constant grounding and severing of “cords”
Daily meditation and mini-meditations throughout the day
Journaling: Gratitude and Joy as well as “de-stressing”
Listening to music that makes my heart sing (and makes me sing)
Eating (mostly) healthy for me foods (this, I believe, differs by person)
Weekly/monthly work that includes:
Self-help books (currently: Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine)
Sharing my healing process with others
Please join me in being your own superhero! Let’s fly!
Photo credit: © Stokkete from Dreamstime.com
The fear of death keeps us from living, not dying.
Paul C. Round
It is our fear of death that keeps us from stepping out of our comfort zones into our greatness. For us to gain in life, there are parts of it that we must be willing to lose. The parts we leave behind are those parts that no longer serve us. They can feel like a security blanket, so in a way, we can feel vulnerable without them. There is also often a grieving process involved in release, in a way, we do die. However, it is the death of that which no longer serves. This grief can be temporary, if we allow it to be.
Let’s take a look at the natural world where animals “let go” in order to gain:
A snake sheds its skin so that it may release that which no longer serves it and so that it may begin anew.
The caterpillar must be willing to let itself die as a caterpillar, so that it may enter into the void of the chrysalis so that it may transform and emerge as a butterfly.
Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it.
By giving our fears over to God, we may release that which holds us back. In letting go, we step more into our power.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
By holding onto our fears, we block our own freedom. When we choose fear over our greatness, we keep ourselves in bondage. Through surrender, we cut away these self-imposed limitations.
Just for today, I choose to release my fears about my greatness and walk in my strength. Please join me!
Image courtesy of pat138241 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Find your quiet center of life and write from that to the world.
Sarah Orne Jewett
What we push away persists.
Surrender into the feelings with the faith that you will survive this.
It is in your surrender that you find the feelings begin to dissolve.
Hold yourself in this space while you breathe.
Continue to “breathe in the quiet center” until the feelings are gone.
Your next breath is more free.
Rinse and repeat.
Each time you move into your feelings, instead of away from them, you develop a greater mastery of your own inner world.
Your outer world is a direct reflection of your inner world.
Peace, love and happiness are yours to hold. It’s your choice, babe.
PS I have since discovered this great video by Teal Swan, she goes further into this process.
Image courtesy of tiverylucky at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Like a newborn baby, I swaddle in love all of the parts of me that feel:
I wrap my heart around those pieces that feel:
afraid to be naked, exposed or seen
afraid to love…and to be loved…and to receive or give love.
With each moment that I allow more love for me, the more I am able to love you.
I give love to those parts of me that have held me back. They did so, out of the only love they ever knew, which was fear. Now they receive my attention and the tension resolves. They melt like butter in the hot sun of my own love.
Please join me today is giving yourself a little bit more love, compassion and grace. The small things do add up.
Receive your own gifts. For as we each learn to receive our own love for ourselves, we free ourselves to both give more love to and receive more love from others.
Photo by author, 2011
Sometimes things happen:
to show us how far we’ve come … to show us where we have yet to go
to show us how much we love ourselves … to show us where we need to
to show us where we feel worthy … to show us where we don’t
to show us that we do indeed have a choice … to show us where we chose before
to show us a new path we had not thought of … to show us where we keep doing the same thing
to show us where we are in resistance … to show us where we are flexible
to show us where our strengths lay … to show us where we are weak
to show us our truth … to show us where we lie
to show us where we are supported … to show us where we feel we need support
to show us how resilient we are … to show us where we want to give up
to show us where we want to freeze and stop … to show us where we want to keep going or start
to show us where we are all connected … to show us where we believe we are all separate
Sometimes things happen. Things that make you go…hmmm!
We’re all in the same boat. When the port side of the ship is underwater, how long before the whole ship sinks? We cannot continue to allow gender, or any, inequality and expect to continue to float.
I love Hermoine’s character. After seeing this speech last year, I absolutely fell in love with the woman who portrays her, Emma Watson. In this video, she receives a standing ovation from the ambassadors of the UN after she explains how gender inequality harms EVERY-ONE.
She posits, “If not me, then who? If not now, then when?”
Today I ask myself the same.
Today I am Grateful:
For the beauty that surrounds me.
For the Universe that smiles on me every day (though sometimes I question its love).
For the grace that fills my open heart.
For the breath that moves like wind through my lungs.
For the will to carry on, even when I don’t wanna.
For the body that carries me. For the Earth who nourishes me, supports me and loves me for who I truly am.
For all of the relationships in my life, as each one reflects for me something that I would scarce see in myself on my own. Even the ones that I felt hurt by, for they are special gifts within themselves.
For the sparkle in my children’s eyes and the beauty that is uniquely theirs.
For their father who loves them enough to disarm himself by no longer battling with me.
For the families on both sides who support us in the dissolution of our 15 year marriage, for they could have chosen to hold us in the energy of despair.
Yes, today I am grateful:
For the many blessings I receive.
For the gifts I give others by my presence.
For the rain that brings the rainbows.
For the rivers that bring water.
For every penny in my bank account.
For every bill I pay on time.
For every Starbucks Vanilla Soy Latte that I enjoy.
For the pain that shows me where I resist love.
For the awareness that, even as an adult, I fear so much: my own power, being abandoned, being overlooked, being fully seen, being vulnerable, being wrong, being right, and sometimes just being.
For the places that I still hold myself in self-loathing, distrust, unforgiveness, and commit acts of self-flagellation.
It is by being grateful that I open my heart a little bit more to myself. The more I can open my heart for me, the more light I can help to shine on the rest of the world. By lighting my beacon, I help others overcome the obstacles to lighting their own lights.
For this power to love myself more, and to help you to love yourself more, I am grateful.
I miss out on opportunities to play and to be myself.
I miss the sensation of the wind blowing in my hair.
I miss the beauty in my daughter’s smile.
I miss the beauty of what it feels like to be in my body.
I miss the sensations of my breath ebbing and flowing.
I miss the beauty of the setting sun as it drops behind the horizon.
I miss the beauty of being present in this very moment; the sweet smell of the rose misses my awareness.
Recognizing that rushing only causes me to be frustrated without improving my outcomes, I now choose to approach this life differently.
Just for this moment, I choose to feel my feelings to their fullest, to breathe in and experience all of the beauty that surrounds my being. I choose to be present in the now. The gifts I receive are infinite. I am grateful for my freedom to choose differently.
Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net