I often saw myself as the damsel in distress. Perhaps it was because inside of me lived the “evil stepmother.” Regardless of how well I walked the line, there was always something I could have done better. On my face I wore a smile, while on the inside I belittled myself. Most of my life, from the time I was 10 years old, I wanted someone to save me.
In the past year, I have walked through the valley, over hot coals and sometimes broken glass; the broken, smoldering shadows of myself have haunted me. I called out to my knight in shining armor to save me. I looked for him on silver horses. I sought him in bars, online dating, in friends, in friends of friends, even passers-by. I seek no more.
After a series of events, I have discovered that if I want to be saved, then I need to be the one to rise up and save myself. While I have significantly improved my self-care (and self-love) over the past year, there are still holes in my dam. I see now that if I want to be saved, that I need to get my hands and feet dirty to dig myself out of my self-imposed pit of shit.
Yes, I still silently wait for Tony Stark. However, I am saving myself now, I’m not waiting for him to save me.
Yes, I still want a partner in crime fighting. Flying is fun, and it’s an experience that can be shared.
Yes, I still desire to be desired. Superheroes still like to be validated and vulnerable, too.
(Meanwhile, back at the ranch) Until Tony arrives, I am stepping into my power now. I am stepping into my own suit of armor, wielding my own shield and sword to slay the dragons of illusion that blur my vision of the truth. For it is only I that can determine what to cut and what to keep.
My armory includes daily work that includes:
The Four Agreements (especially #4: Always do my best)
The Simple Prayer of St. Francis
Constant Prayer as needs arise
Constant grounding and severing of “cords”
Daily meditation and mini-meditations throughout the day
Journaling: Gratitude and Joy as well as “de-stressing”
Listening to music that makes my heart sing (and makes me sing)
Eating (mostly) healthy for me foods (this, I believe, differs by person)
Weekly/monthly work that includes:
Self-help books (currently: Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine)
Sharing my healing process with others
Please join me in being your own superhero! Let’s fly!
Photo credit: © Stokkete from Dreamstime.com