Dying for Approval


Find yourself first…like yourself first…love yourself FIRST…& friendship & love will naturally find YOU.

― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

One of the main reasons that I took a FaceBook hiatus is that I realized how much I was tied to the “like” of my posts. It was becoming painful for me to not receive the feedback I so desperately desired. The more likes I received, the more that I wanted and craved to get my “fix.” With the ego, the more that is given, the more that it wants.

In seeking the approval of others, I shortchanged myself. I devalued my own ability to meet my own needs. I devalued myself and my ability to love. I placed the approval of others higher than my own.

So I took a FB break. The first 2-3 days were tough. I think I may have had shakes a few times, it was a blur.

For nearly 3 weeks I did not log on at all. And even with my return, I have logged on three times over the course of 4 days. Usually, I would have logged on (easily) 3 times in an hour to check my messenger feeds, before my hiatus. Now, I’m finding, that I’m not reading those either (sorry, friends, please don’t take it personally).

It helps that I have not reactivated FB or messenger on my phone. I already feel like my life is busy and hectic with full-time work, and being a single mom (even if it’s w/ 50% shared custody).

What has changed?

What I’m finding is that I now choose to validate myself. I also send more text messages to my friends vs FB status posts or using messenger. My tolerance for others has also increased. One person who use to grate my nerves just a few months ago, I find that I am more relaxed around, less irritated. She has not changed, I have. My perspective of myself has changed. Thus the perspective of my world has changed.

“Start changing yourself if you want to change the life around you.”
Mahatma Ghandi

I have even recently noticed that things I would have posted before as status updates, or pictures, I have not even thought about posting. So some of my friends might be in for a surprise when we next meet =)


Photo courtesy of photostock @ Freedigitalphotos.net

Published by Tiffany

Writing out my thoughts has helped me to gain a new perspective of myself. In sharing these writings, it is my hope to help others to better understand themselves. It is my belief that with each of us who chooses this path of greater understanding of thy self, that it inspires others to do the same. This building momentum is the force that drives me to share, for in my vulnerability, I find my strength. I believe that you can also find yours there. ~~~In reading some of my posts, you will see that growth is not always pretty. It is in breaking apart and coming undone that a seed sprouts and breaks free of its own captivity. It is also out of mud that the lotus blossoms. ~~~Please join me in seeing the beauty of growth within the deconstruction of our limiting beliefs. ~~T.C.

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