How Perfectionism Blocks Happiness


To live is to experience life anew, to change,  to clean, to release that which no longer serves us.

It was an inocuous mistake.  One for which I would have tortured myself for days if I had let it.  In being given a spot to drop them off,  the young couple told me a bar name to help me to locate their final destination. So I dropped them off at the last named bar, the one nearby to the one they were going. It was an innocent and non-maleficent error on my part. One would think that I had lead them to death based on the heavy-handed guilt and shame with which I was continuously bombing myself in that hour of self-torture.

After deciding that I was tired of this state of self-loathing, I finally stopped to turn and face the source of my suffering. Following is the re-creation of my inner process to find the taproot to my self-hatred:

What, really, am I gaining from this?
Nothing but sadness, guilt and shame.

Where does this come from? 
Your desire to be perfect.

How has being perfect served me?
You thought it protected you. You have believed that it gave you validation and a free pass to happiness.

Where has this happened before?
It was then that a series of images flash-flooded my inner-vision.  I was floored and almost overwhelmed. 

It was then that I gave myself a healthy dose of love and compassion, opening my heart to myself, being sure to bestow love upon each previously unloved image of myself that spanned my entire lifetime up to that point.  Seeing now that the very thing that I sought to bring me happiness (perfection), was actually blocking me from it!

In recognizing that happiness, the very thing I sought, was being blocked by my pursuit of perfecting myself, I was able to pull that false-belief out of my garden all the way down to its roots.

Having done this work for several years now,  I am sure there are other vines of “perfection” in my garden.  By identifying this one vine, as it were, and seeing the truth of it helps me to be more easily able to identify the other vines that need to be pulled.


Photo Courtesy of marin @

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

Up ↑


"Love Is Confusing but we'll figure this out together"


Our small family living in a 5th wheel following Dads work as a rock fall technician... what could go wrong?

Damon Ashworth Psychology

Helping people flourish

Set Sail

Lets share a journey

The Dolly Mama

HEART TO HEART...hope and healing for our hearts (with a little humor along the way)

How I Lost My Chains

I've Learned The Most Unlearning Everything I've Ever Known

ignite with Thato

Unleash your Greatness

Write your Destiny

The Writer's world


Reflections on transcending my diagnosis of a mental illness...

Healing Your Heart!

A manual for the life within!

Madly In Love With Me

loving ourselves to be free


Luminous living. Creativity blooming.

Peacock Poetry

by Sam Allen

The Seeds 4 Life

Seeds of Inspiration, Wisdom, and Positivity

The Naga

Critical. Crazy. Catastrophic.


"Together, one mind, one life at a time, let's see how many people we can impact, encourage, empower, uplift and perhaps even inspire to reach their fullest potentials."

Brent Harvey

The Leading Man

%d bloggers like this: