Mama, why did you go?
Why did you leave me?
My home was your home.
You belong there, not here.
When you moved out,
you moved out on me.
You left me behind.
Heart broken, you left me.
“I hate you,” how can you be happier now?
You hurt me by moving away.
“You’re not my mom.”
My mom would never have left me.
“You’re a bad mom.”
My mom would see my pain and never go away again.
“NO! NO! NO!”
I want things to go back to the way they were.
I want you back at my dad’s house.
That’s where you belong, with me.
The poem may be simple on the surface, yet the depth of emotion has been poignant for me and has aided in my understanding separation and divorce from my four-year old son’s perspective. It matters not to his black and white, concrete mind that I have custody of him and his sister 50% of the time. He only sees that I, effectively, abandoned him in the process (of separating from his father).
I hope and believe that my son’s perspective will change to understanding and love as he grows older and out of this developmental stage. For now, I can relate to his feelings as I can relate to him differently from this new perspective. He seems to be overall happy, yet he has recently begun to express his anger towards me.
May this help other parents to take the time to try to see life from their child’s perspective, to help their children with the transitions that go along with separation and divorce.
If any adult children of divorce care to share your perspectives, I would greatly appreciate it! My parents remain married, so it helps me to understand.
Photo by olovedog at free digitalphotos.net