It can be a challenge sometimes to feel worthy; both of the good and of the not-so-good things in life.
Today, I find myself reflecting on my own sadness. The reflection shows where I feel my sorrow is not worthy to be felt, that someone (anyone) else’s cause for sadness is more worthy than my cause for sadness. Wow! What a mind-fuck that is turning out to be.
Truly, it matters not the reason for the feeling, the feeling is mine and mine alone. By telling myself that my cause is not worthy of my sorrow, I dismiss my feelings instead of accepting them. I take away the experience of my pain and I shove it under the rug. Well the mound of dirt has grown so tall that it now blocks my sight and my passage.
Time to tear down the walls that I have built ’round my feelings, as they prevent me from truly being myself, and being with myself. Disconnected, I begin the de-construction by diving into the pool of my sorrow, pity and sadness. As a descend further into the melancholy, I begin to slow my breathing and focus on the feelings arising in my chest. Once immersed and fully connected with the feeling, the pool of water that was once over my head quickly begins to recede and evaporate. Once again, I gain my footing. No longer do I need to swim.
As soon as I took ownership of what I was feeling, it began to dissipate and evaporate. Pushing the feeling away only allowed it to grow, until I felt that I was drowning.
May each of you take something from what I have learned here and begin to see where you have blocked yourself from your own feelings. I could just as easily replaced the words sadness and sorrow with joy.
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