At a young age, girls are sold the dream of happily ever after. We are made to feel that we are incomplete without a man. Prince Charming saves Cinderella from poverty and her evil stepsisters. Sleeping Beauty is only awakened by the kiss of true love. All live happily ever after. Or do they? (Another post for another day; I believe these tales can be harmful to men, also.)
With New Year’s Eve, I found myself falling prey to the cultural belief that I was incomplete without someone at my side. Feeling broken following the finalization of my divorce and not dating anyone, I found myself desiring male attention. Instead of focusing on all the love around me and within myself, I focused on where it was not. I was puzzled by my own “seeming weakness.” It was easy to become disillusioned and I almost skipped the NYE festivities because of it.
Then the next day, while watching “Lava,” a short-film by Disney’s Pixar, I suddenly saw that my truth was being obscured by my belief in the mythology of happily ever after. Almost immediately, I dropped into the murky waters of my loneliness. Once “down in it,” I found a vast pool of feelings: betrayal, anger, sadness, abandonment and remorse (to name a few).
The waves of repressed emotions washed over, around and through my being. With each ounce of emotion that I felt, I gained a pound of the cure and lost another pound of fat from my waist. The icing on the cake? Filling the wound beds with validation and love.
I sat in the realization that my feelings of emptiness were a lie. Sinking further into gratitude for this awareness, I admired the moment. Enjoying the warmth of my light, no longer insulated by the fairy tale material that I once devoured. I am grateful for this new level of awareness, from such a seemingly innocent short film. One which I have watched, often longingly, for someone to “Lava” for several months now.
I stand alone again, this time, not lonely. I again feel whole and complete in myself. The Dharma wheel will turn once again and bring me back to a spot of loneliness, allowing me to see through the lies I have believed; allowing me to see the truth beneath it all: all that I seek is with-in.
“If you search everywhere, yet cannot find what you are seeking, it is because what you seek is already in your possession.” ― Lao Tzu
Tonglen Meditation: May we all be free of the beliefs that block us from the truth that we are all already whole and complete. May we see ourselves with the eyes of God: We are Love (therefore, we need not seek it in others).
Within days of this new awareness, I can see where I still seek and desire the fairy tale romance and to be swept off of my feet. How tenacious this belief can be!
Post press addendum:
Here are two well-researched posts by fellow blogger, Michael:
In his posts, above, Michael differentiates the six types of love. These posts helped me to gain a better understanding of where I felt lost in seemingly contradicting desires within myself (and thus this series). Thank you, Michael for your work and allowing me to share it!
Namaste.
Photo by Idea go: freedigitalphotos.net
Attention Seeking: Part I
How bad is it, really? Attention Seeking Part III
Now I Begin to See: Attention Seeking Part IV
unfiltered from the heart 
My goodness, you are such a beautiful spirit! I wish I could crawl through this screen and give you the biggest hug!!! I have felt and feel your struggle. You are aware of so much in this time of struggle that has made you stronger. Most of us just suffer until the next shining Knight or Princess comes into our life. You will find your Knight but you will also see him for what he truly is…an imperfect man to share your journey. Thank you so much for sharing my links, I appreciate you. 🙂
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Thank you for your support and virtual hug! I’m really grateful for your posts today, they catalyzed further understanding for me; creating a post hoc part iv. I realize I’m probably not truly done, but what an unexpected turn I took from where I was last night. Namaste.
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