Shame about Sexuality


Shame.

It fills the crags, crevices

Each nook and cranny in my mind.

(No wonder I seek for love and

Attention to fill it.)

Shame is

Buried deep below the floor,

The things I didn’t want to

Think or feel anymore.

His hands on my oh so young body,

His grandson on top of me.

The images,

Feelings,

Fear,

Sensations

return to the surface,

Only with the help of hypnotherapy.

Easy to dismiss,

Many have,

And I wanted to, too.

Hell, I had dissociated it all

For over 30 years….

The telltale sign,

Besides feeling my body

Was never a safe place to be?

It was the set of nerves for pleasure

That were stimulated.

To not want to be there,

In that situation,

To feel pleasure,

Even momentarily,

In that position.

It all told me that

Yes, Tiffany,

this

Did

In

Fact

Happen.

The mistrust of my

Own body and its

Desires

Was sealed.

Until I was

Weak enough

To say

It’s high time

To get healed.

See also “Sleeping Beauty: The Backstory of my Sexual Shame and Years of Abuse” 

See Wandering Chrysippus “The Voice of One Crying-Out in the Wilderness” for his blog about childhood sexual abuse from a man’s perspective.

Photo by Stuart Miles at freedigitalphotos.net

6 thoughts on “Shame about Sexuality

Add yours

  1. Tiffany,

    This is a wonderfully vulnerable piece. Shame is such a huge obstacle to happiness. Sexual shaming is even worse, but far more propagated. Despite my own highly sexual being the shaming I did to myself had a strong negative impact. To be in a place of sexual abuse and to try to break free of the shame I think would be much harder to do. Kudos to you for the work done thus far.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Yes, not easy and yet there is a strength that I have gained. Repeatedly I am shown where there are buried treasures in the depths of the murkiest waters. Gems that show me the light differently. There just needs to be a willingness on my part to sort through the muck to discover the hidden treasures.
      Thank you for the read and comment!

      Liked by 1 person

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