Loving the Woman in the Mirror

It is suddenly apparent to me that it is easier for me to love myself on the inside than the outside. Is this irony? I can much more easily give love and heartfelt gratitude to the parts of me that lurk in the shadows, than to love the reflection I see of myself in the light of a mirror.

Hypotheses
Maybe this is part of the natural flow of involution and evolution. Changing inwardly to express differently outwardly.

Perhaps this is a reflection of how I chose to store the trespasses of my youth. Glass jars dot the sandy beaches in the inner landscape of my mind. The mason jars are filled with shards of broken mirrors; the broken parts of myself. Looking at myself in the mirror, I still see the reflection of a broken woman, in spite of the inner life that is often glowing in comparison.

In one memory, I stood, receiving the unwanted affections of a sexual predator while holding in my hands a warm burning light that never left a blister. I was holding my light to keep it away from his probing hands.

In my mid-30s I began reintegrating that light into my being. A small step in the scheme of things and yet a catalyst for the woman I have become. Still I find myself timid to be seen as beautiful in the eyes of man. Weary of seers who can see my light, for often they want it for harvesting. Yet, I long to be seen, by “The One.” How can I expect to be seen, when I still choose to hide, even from myself?

The heart my daughter gave me at Christmastime. The beads shrink and must be watered to remain full. A nice analogy for this process I’m about to undertake.


This calls for (FML) mirror work, my most avoided of all healing tools.

In the wake of many inward transformations, I see where it is imperative to directly heal my distorted body image. So now I commit myself to a torturous battle of wills. The work of learning to love the woman in the mirror.

My commitment

Each day starting 1/25/2016 and for the following 21 days, I am to look deeply into the eyes of my reflection, telling her that she is beautiful and that I love her; starting where it’s easy to see her beauty and building to find beauty in all of her… Saddlebags, wrinkles, silver stretch marks, protruding belly, acne and hangnails, oh my! Interesting to find myself referring to my image in third person narrative, revealing there is much work to be done here…

For if I cannot appreciate my own outer beauty, how can I either expect others to see it or better yet for me to receive compliments from others?

Organic Beginning
I started the mirror work process by drawing a self-portrait from a photo, below. This happened organically when my daughter asked me to draw with her. I found this a gentle way to look at my image, studying the details of my face with an observer’s and not judgmental eyes.

A Call to Action
Please, won’t you join me? I’d love company in this journey. Your sparks help to light mine, within this circle we all rise up, exponentially. Have your own freedom in doing this the way that feels right for you!

I encourage your comments and feedback on this concept. It helps to know how what I’m doing helps or affects you.

See Mirror Work for more

Namaste.

Thank you, Michael for helping me to see once again where I need to expand. I’m grateful for your presence in my journey, however painful it may seem at times. Much respect and heartfelt gratitude. =)

Featured image quote from Elephant Journal’s IG post from 1/24/16. Retype work is my own.

 

self-portrait 2016.01.24, based on the next image

 

Thank you, Will, of http://www.tfunkgear.com for the shots (they were only minorly painful).

 

Check out Will’s Work

20 thoughts on “Loving the Woman in the Mirror

Add yours

  1. Maybe it’s easier to see someone’s external beauty from the outside looking in. It’s so easy to criticize one’s self, to focus on the physical imperfections while totally losing sight of the total, beautiful being.

    I am NOT one of those people who believe that “Everyone is beautiful”, if we tell ourselves that, then that serves to convince ourselves into believing that we’re all physically equal, which just isn’t true. In real life, not everyone is a “looks” equal, for example, a person who is significantly overweight just looks unhealthy and like they don’t make an effort to care of themselves, that isn’t “beauty”.

    That said, when it comes to our physical appearances, physical imperfections, such as a belly that’s not flat, saddle bags that reflect age, stretch marks that come from bearing children, breasts that sag (if that’s you), acne, scars etc. are things that do more to define a person’s beauty than they do to detract from it. They tell your life’s stories. They are part of what makes you God’s beautiful canvas of a human being.

    Being physically imperfect is not mutually exclusive with being beautiful. Physical imperfections can-and should-be seen to exist as the things that define our external beauty.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I want to follow you on this journey – you are very brave for voicing this – and your courage is contagious! Not sure about doing a self portrait, but I do need to start somewhere. This is very moving, I thank-you for sharing with us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your reply! I love it! My favorite words here are brave and contagious! This is so much of what my purpose is here.

      Are you going to share your process I WP? If so, I look forward to seeing your work and please post your links on related posts of mine. That way you can get links from me and I can be sure to read them (I’m following too many folks and am needing to cut back on my WP time. I’d hate to inadvertently miss your post!).

      I am soo glad to hear you want to join me! Warning! This process has spun off other ideas for me. After the first day of mirror work, I produced a piece about my thighs. It’s ready to go. I just need to decide when to post it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m still on the fence about it. It seems like such this HUGE topic to me, another one like eating an elephant. I commend you for taking it on and will at least give reference to you if I can’t complete a whole post. It’s been a rough few days, but I hope to get to it.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am loving this series and the important self work you’re doing. It’s so very inspirational and helpful to me & I’m sure others, though I know that’s not your first intent. You’re such a beautiful soul and now we know the beauty is on the outside too, even if you’re not able to see it all yet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww! I am so glad you appreciate this, yes I want to heal me and help others too.
      I’m trying to fix be link, it’s not cooperating! I might need to wait until lunch. Will you post a link in the comments? Sorry about that.
      And I think you’re stunningly beautiful. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Finally got it to work. Not sure why such an issue! Thank you,again, I appreciate your catch and your support! You’ve also reminded me to infuse my wit into my work…something I had not been doing. I love how we each have inspired the other. Have a great day! (My first pt canceled, grace to get this link fixed!)

        Liked by 1 person

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