Trust

In looking over the broken shards

Placed in jars,

A greater understanding comes over me.

It was simple to see where my

Lack of trust was born,

Oh so early.

To have submitted to his seduction and manipulation,

Before I could have known what was even happening,

nor what he was taking; my sweet innocence.

Dimming my light in an act of self-preservation as a teenager and adult,

I sought males who for me caused minimal intimidation,

Instead, their power was a passive-aggression,

Subverted manipulation.

Unable to trust a man to lead me,

Not even dancing at my own wedding.

Now I’m choosing oh so differently,

Seeking instead a man of steel will,

whose valor moves him through darkness,

who can respect and love all aspects of the divine feminine.

A man who can lead me:

a woman of mercury without being poisoned or made mad.

Come my lover, show me the path to trust.

Teach me, the dance of love that is more than mere lust.

~~~

Namaste

__/|\__Ananda & Metta

2016.02.16

Wild

In the film Wild Reese Witherspoon portrays the solo hiker Cheryl Strayed who hikes the entire Pacific Coast Trail following her tumultuous divorce. During her hike, and while frequently isolated, Strayed forces herself to face her demons so that she can heal them.

It’s an amazing film and it’s based on a true story. I kept thinking the lead actress was a not so pretty Witherspoon, funny how little I knew about the movie until viewing it! 

Here is an edited quote of the final narrative of the movie:

“Wild”

After I lost myself in the wilderness and the grief, I found my own way out of the woods.

And I didn’t know where I was going until I got there…

Thank you, I thought over and over again for everything the trail had taught me and for everything I couldn’t yet know…

I knew that I didn’t need to reach with my bare hands anymore. That seeing the fish beneath the surface of the water was enough. That it was everything. My life, like all lives; mysterious, irrevocable and sacred, so very close, so very present, so very belonging to me. How wild it was to let it be!

I wrote this over a month ago and the parallels with my own life are even more amazing to me today. Since then, I’ve often considered changing my last name to Free yet that might have some negative connotations…. ūüėČ

Image credit

2016.01.26

Lady of the Water: Keys to Address

As I start to live more and more in my power, I can set why I have feared this.

Where I am going can be filled with great loneliness. 

Rising up from the Abyss has given me great clarity.

For the man who can hold my hand, walking next to me will need a great Will and vast strength. 

A Warrior in his own right.

~~~

In looking at my reflection in the still, living waters,

I see behind me a man who like me has endured great suffering.

Much like the hero in Unbreakable, he has survived what would have killed a mere mortal. 

Yet unlike Unbreakable, water might be a terrible weakness if I am to be your only mistress.

~~

I am a King’s daughter, a Lady of the Water. 

My water runs deeply, supporting and yet sometimes runs too fiercely. 

If you cannot swim in dark emotions, 

then this place by my side may not be yours for the taking, 

For often I stand where the waves are breaking.

~~

It seems the seas I ride are either calm or tsunami level. 

Serene and crystal blue I can bring to you. This is always my goal. 

Yet to get to the Caribbean, sometimes we must pass through the Sargasso Sea, the doldrums of the Horse Latitudes where excess weight is jettisoned. 

Watch closely in the Bernuda Triangle, it can swallow ships whole. 

~~

When I tac, I don’t change direction lightly. 

Wear a life vest, gain your sea legs. 

This vessel goes to great depths, 

You might want to practice holding your breath.

sometimes I dive with little to no warning. 

to trust the deep waters can be a difficult thing in learning.

~~

While I can be life sustaining, 

heed warnings that I can also suffocating and flooding as I learn to modulate my new found energy.

For me, this can be overwhelming,

as I never know where the waters will take me.

~~

Though mostly earth energy, 

so many of my aspects are mutable, 

changeable and ruled by Mercury. 

Quicksilver a metal that is liquid at room temp. 

Communicative, and quick-witted so I won’t put up with too much of your shit without dishing it back, on a silver platter of course.

Heavy and dense this is where I live. 

Metal, yet a liquid, it moves with free will.

~~

So I ask you, do you think you could handle all this?

If you do, I can promise sweet bliss, 

just know it won’t always be as easy as this.

For mine is the path less traveled, unmapped, sometimes seemingly unnavigable. 

Be the ship’s pilot whose faith is beyond the compass, 

outside of your intuition the North Star is the best source for seeking direction. 

For I have a strong feeling that most of the travel may not be in the light, 

instead we may often find ourselves traveling under the cover of night.

~~

If this description fits you, I’ll love it when you call refer to me as “Milady”

~~

Water Category: Depth Finder

Namaste

__/|\__ Ananda & Metta

2016.02.29

Image: Dreamstime

Kisses

When my son scrapes his knee,
he asks me to kiss it please.
The pain lessens to some degree.
He can then go along and play, merrily.
When I read of your pain and suffering,
I wish I could run to you and hold you.
To kiss you in all the places you have
hurt, that have hurt others.
To help you to gather the pieces
that have scattered, left tattered,
along the ground. Just waiting, waiting
waiting to be found. Reintegrated.
How much I long to see the
reflection in your eyes, my prize,
The recognition from within
that you are perfect as you are, today.
The release of brokeness,
the embracing of wholeness.
That the past is the past,
it formed the person you are; it is not you.
Yet I can only do this work from afar,
in my living room, in my car,
at my work, or on a hike,
on the phone or all alone.
I send you my love.
Without hesitation,
without expectation.
In the hope you can see what I do.
The beautiful soul of a person,
hurt yes, and yet truly unbroken.
Learning to sing your own song,
to be free to voice your love, your suffering.
Your voice brings your lover to you,
it is imperative that your cleaning
you continue. For each ounce of
pain that you clean, you gain in pounds
of love, self-respect and relief of suffering.
So today I send my kisses to you,
through messages, through the ethers,
in the hopes that they support you
in your own healing and self-care.
For you to see your beauty is of
great importance for me. It helps
me to see my own. For you to love
you, helps me to love me.
And so it is with this world,
the more we heal our own,
the easier it becomes for other
to heal within.
Many hugs and kisses to you,
my dear friend.
I know that each kiss I send,
helps us all in the end.
Namaste
__/|\__ Ananda & Metta
2016.02.29

Parabola: All this Pain is an Illusion

Music is a potion and elixir for me. Maynard James Keenan’s (MJK) work with Tool, A Perfect Circle and Puscifer have been incredibly helpful for me beginning over 20 years ago. I have listened often to MJK in the past two years while recovering the pieces of myself following years of self-abuse and the “bottoming out” following the demise of my marriage.

I fully recognize the resistance you may feel in reading that pain is an illusion. When we are experiencing pain it can be all consuming and all encompassing at the time. Physical pain can often be easier to feel that emotional, or worse, spiritual pain. When we surrender in the moment, we can find that our pain begins to subside.

“All this pain is an illusion” is found in the songs Parabol & Parabola by Tool. These two songs are incredibly powerful and are best listened to consecutively, as the lyrics for the songs mirror one another.

While in Parabol one feels like one is descending with the decrescendo of the music, in Parabola, the music seems to be an ascension. Both songs are from the album Lateralus, which is based on the Fibonnacci sequence.

 

These two songs, I realize, are very much in alignment with my descent and ascension from the abyss that I experienced this week. I hope you enjoy the music, at the very least the lyrics.

Praise to Maynard James Keenan, you’re a fucking Genius! See you in April!!!

Parabol
by Tool

So familiar and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now.
Embracing you, this reality here,
This one, this form I hold now, so
Wide eyed and hopeful.
Wide eyed and hopefully wild.

We barely remember what came before this precious moment,
Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside…
This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in
This body makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion.

Parabola
by Tool

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment
We are choosing to be here right now
Hold on, stay inside…

[Chorus:]This holy reality, this holy experience
Choosing to be here in…
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in…
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion

Alive!

[Chorus]

Twirling round with this familiar parable
Spinning, weaving round each new experience
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing
A chance to be alive and breathing

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember, we are eternal
All this pain is an illusion

Namaste
__/|\__ Ananda & Metta
2016.02.28

Image: MJK google

The Poetry of Sound

Shared from Kosmogonic. Can I get a “Yes, please and thank you?!” Please visit K’s¬†site for comments and likes. Thank you!

Melodies pepper mundanity with spiced anticipation,
Rhythms salving humanity with pulsed syncopation,
Harmonies alight on our heartbeats distended,
Dancing through space with broken souls mended,
Music is the poetry of sound, endless divine,
The redemption, the glory, God’s sonic sign,
Cadenced with beauty, truths coded in keys,
Prismatic teardrops, answering joy-filled pleas.

https://kosmogonic.wordpress.com/2016/02/28/the-poetry-of-sound/

Enigma: Puzzling Pieces

Dead Can Dance is one of my favorite musical groups. Eclectic sounds on ancient and varied instruments coupled with¬†the voice of the Diva Lisa Gerrard are just well, fucking amazing. I’ve listened to their music for over half my life now, sometimes I hear the lyrics as if for the first time.

Today, in reflecting on recent life experiences, movies (The Imitation Game: Behind Every Code is an Enigma), posts I have read and created, interactions with other bloggers and the unfolding of my own cryptic, binary, puzzling enigma, this song popped into my mind.

While I prefer Lisa’s voice, the lyrics here are just¬†too¬†poignant for where I have been lately. The desire for truth and intimacy without the facade is so fully expressed in this song…and my lifelong desire to be understood by another, a lover. I can remember this longing as early as the age of 10 (though it probably started at birth, I have few memories of my life before 10 that are positive).

In reading what others are writing lately, I know others can relate to these lyrics.

Dead Can Dance
“The Enigma of the Absolute”

Saloman hung down her head
Laid bare her heart for the world to see.
She craved for intimacy.
Through darkened doors her aspect veiled with indecision, gazed out sea.

She craved lucidity.
Cast adrift from past relationships in her life,
Hoisted up the ideal. This was her saving grace.
Seas of rage that once assailed her concern for the truth

Had passed her by and left her high and dry in her saviours arms.
Across the sea lies the fountain of renewal,
Where you will find the whole cause of your loneliness
Can be measured in dreams that transcend all these lies
And I wish and I pray that there may come a day for a saviours arms.

Namaste
__/|\__ Ananda & Metta
2016.02.27

Image: Google, from searching for Saloman. This image could not be ignored given repeated mental images of the Merkab recently.¬†Interesting that I’m “wrapping” my mind around the various layers of meaning behind annual, the return to the beginning, represented by the ouroboros (the seeing of something for the first time!) Will post more as my understanding unfolds. Sometimes my muse water drips concepts that can be confusing; Grace in action, I suppose.