For most (ahem, all) of my life I have guarded my tender heart.
So many it seems have torn it apart.
~~
Friends of yesteryear saw only small facets,
only what I chose & when I chose to share it.
The small pieces of me thrown out like bait,
to allow them to know that I could truly appreciate
what they were going through.
~~
In the end, I only hurt myself.
By holding back so much of me,
I was never really truly free.
Feed me bourbon or beer,
to let me feel more clear to be me….really?
~~
Now, I work to be my most brightest authenic self.
Sober, awake, not using food to soothe the pain.
And yet after years of work and toil,
It’s not that fucking easy.
I still find myself holding back.
~~
Yet, I’m tired of truths half-baked.
Making it in a way that is fake.
I’ve grown weary of attracting people to me based on falsities and phobias.
For me to reap the most from my relationships,
it is I who must be more willing to be vulnerable,
to lay down my sword;
to stand down my guard,
to remove my body armor.
To let lose control of my voice
and to speak my truth more openly, more authentically.
~~
So here I stand, doing my best to be more transparent.
So here I stand, doing my best to show my worst and my scariest.
Here I stand, naked.
And there is still more to bear.
This is not to gain your approval.
But to gain my own.
To love me more for me,
allows me to love you more for you.
~~
Wounds and all.
No longer trying to avoid the fall.
May I learn to love now from the heart,
letting go of my habit of loving from an arm’s distance.
Standing down in the face of resistance.
Submitting, surrendering, letting go of control.
Please be gentle with me, take it slow.
I’m still figuring out just how this goes.
~~
Namaste.
__/|\__ Metta
2016.02.10
I understand… and happy to be on the journey with you.
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Thank you! It sucks to feel alone in this. I appreciate your visiting and your sentiment. 🙂
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That was beautifully written Tiffany. Powerful self release that calls for respect and admiration. So proud of you…keep going. Being you and free.
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Ax, I’m very grateful for your support! =) makes my heart glow. Thank you for stopping by and commenting.
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Words spoken from the heart, you’re really not alone. We’ve all been there.
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Thank you,Miriam! I have so enjoyed your continuous support of my work here! Enjoy your summer 😉
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I enjoy your words but thank you. Take care. 🙂
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It is an ever evolving process. Especially when we have accrued decades of shields. Hugs, friend.
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Yes, Dana, I agree! Decades and thousands of reasons…things I’m preparing again and again to let go. Nice to see your beautiful words grace my page. Thank you for stopping by!
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Great message! It’s a slow but rewarding process
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Lee, thank you! I really appreciate your continued support in helping me and others gain a higher level of acceptance!
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Bravo! A really powerful piece. I can feel every ounce of your true being trying to jump out of the page. Moved my interior in a great way. Keep letting yourself be displayed fully. You have a beautiful elegance to offer and help all who are connected by your gravity.
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I am deeply moved here by your reply and am most humbled. Thank you for stopping by! Have been missing your presence and what impeccable timing you have on this day. Namaste!
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By standing down, you stood up taller….
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yes, I seem to need a near constant reminder! thank you for visiting and commenting, I really appreciate it (and am still humbled by your last comment)
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Hey Tiffany, Pleasure was all mine. Well even beautiful and strong women sometimes need to be reminded that they are so!
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Thank you! [Blushes and looks at feet]
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Ha ha, how sweet….made me smile! 🙂
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you’re killing me, smalls with all of the compliments.
I appreciate your support and I’m doing my best to receive it all…something with which I have struggled my entire life and yes, the struggle is real! =)
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Well the struggle has paid of. You are instantly loveable. At least that is what this guy believes! Spread your love and happiness. The world needs more of you!
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Beautiful. Thank you for continuing to be an inspiration. I know that’s not your main intent but you are nonetheless. 💗
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Actually it kind of is… My words are reflections of my own wounds as much as they are of others. We are all connected, so by lighting another spark, we each see better in the dark. Xoxo
Twin ❤️💕
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Amy, I do want to inspire others. As a healer and an INFP, it is my nature to desire to make whatever I touch a better improved thing. Through my words, through my physical touch, through my heart, I work to make this world a better place. Much love! Tiffany
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