When I look at life as magical and miraculous, I see magic at every turn. Yet, when all I feel is despair, then I find myself disconnecting – creating the very thing I believe. How I perceive means everything; it can make me, it can break me. Truly. Sadly. Happily. You name it, I create it.
Just this past Friday I found myself in the grips of despair. After I removed the distraction of WordPress, the loneliness that I had been evading (quite creatively; thinking I was doing well by myself, nonetheless), became oppressive.
Interestingly, swimming is a powerful visualization for me when I am in physical or emotional pain. It seems that with my recent descent into the Abyss, being in a submarine offered too much protection and this time, I found myself skin diving through the River Styx, a river I have greatly dreaded conquering.
Zero: A New Birth
in my ears roaring the things I don’t want to hear
The lost words
of how the river of Styx feels on my toes
Raped from my lungs when pushed in from above
The pit of despair
What brought me here? No air: who fucking cares?
The pain consuming all
Deeply felt until the nothing permeates & penetrates
The absolute resolution
The darkness fills my heart: full dissolution
No longer needed; no thing to protect anyway (hearing echoes of “who fucking cares?”)
The lack of container
Flowing just as the river, until becoming it; everything
As I flow from here to there, every where yet no where, every thing yet no thing
Less than zero
The complete submission
Freedom rings, a return to air
A new Zero
Toes dipping into the River Styx, until next time when I feel lost again
Once I reemerge from this river, there is no longer a sense of loneliness. I feel complete again. In fact, my “need” for a romantic relationship is shed. In swimming through the river Styx, I shed another layer of the part of me that felt lonely; incomplete.
It can sound scary to swim through the River Styx, yet my faith that I am protected allows me to repeatedly swim when it feels I cannot breathe. While I do not view myself as a Christian, in the last 8 or so years, I have begun to see some scripture in a different light. Perspective, once again, can make things so different in my life.
The 23rd Psalm, in particular, holds great power for me. I recite it, as well as other powerful verses, Ho’Oponopono and Reiki when I find myself in any sort of jam. Tom Kenyon, co-author of The Magdalen Manuscript: The Alchemies of Horus and the Sex Magic of Isis, offers a new perspective of this Psalm. After hearing his explanation of the alterations that include the Divine Feminine, I was blown away. Throughout my work, I often refer to Psalm 23 as it helps me so frequently.
According to Kenyon, this Psalm has connections to the Hermetic system in Egypt. [if you would like to listen to his words, you will need to go to his site, click the agreement to his copyright terms, then scroll way down to the bottom and you will see two links to the 23rd Psalm to either download or listen. One is the Alchemical Decoding and the other is a voice recording, an interesting experience]
“Mantra of Protection”
The Lord is my shepherd,
Your celestial soul protects you
I shall not want.
when in connection with your celestial soul, you are not in lack.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
life situations that are nourishing
She restoreth my soul.
through being still & connecting with the still quiet voice within
He preparest a table in the midst of mine enemies.
we are abundant and given what we need, in spite inner and outer enemies; ourselves
She anointed my head with oil,
refers to connection with our higher centers (Ureaus)
my cup runneth over.
the blessings overflow
Even though I walk through the valley of the Shadows of The Death,
the old world is dying; daily our cells also die – we live amongst both death and life
I shall fear No Evil,
there is nothing to fear when we are connected
For Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
references to the Egyptian Ascension process which offer protection through ascension
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.
when we are connected to our higher aspects, we receive grace
And I shall dwell in the house of The Lord, Forevermore.
you are in the house of your own celestial soul
so be it
It is my hope that after reading this, you may find a new perspective of this Psalm, so often read at funerals and associated with death. Yet, for me it offers so many keys to living.
Interesting to note that in my opening statement I refer to the magic of life. Today, after I observed an Osprey flying overhead (connections to Hermes, The Egyptian symbol of the Soul), that I was offered a bottle of water by a local church during my morning run/walk. Attached to the bottle was a scripture. It was Psalm 23:2 “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, He leadeth me beside still waters.” I could have refused the offering, yet I heard Buddha’s teaching to receive what is offered from others. I could have also received 1 of 9 other scriptures, yet I received this one, which also reflects my journey of respite from WP as well as my swim through the River Styx.
Later in the day I was out and about, waiting for some work to be done on my Jeep. The TV in the lounge was showing the Michigan State vs Purdue game. After I sat down, laptop open, the score was tied at 23 to 23. This lasted for the better part of a minute. I wish I could make this shit up. While I wanted to sit down and work on many other pieces, I was clearly being lead to work on this piece about Psalm 23, IMHO.
Perhaps it is my belief in the magic of life that brings me these hints and messages: perspective!
Author’s note: 23 is a very powerful number for me. I was born on the 23rd of the month, my grandmother’s birthday. My BFF was born on the 23rd of January. I also love prime numbers, they represent for me the bit of beauty found in being indivisible; the asymmetry and imbalance. They are “imperfect” and I fucking love them for it.