When we believe ourselves unworthy of Love, we settle for those who can only partially meet our needs. We do not believe we deserve better, so we rush in and take what we can get.
When we know our true value is infinite, we know we are worth the wait…and those who enter into our lives are worth the wait, too.
“…Now I’ll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind freed from the lies
And I’ll kneel down,
Wait for now
I’ll kneel down,
Know my ground
Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow
I painted over my memories of you
sometimes in gold, mostly in blue
I changed my image of you, Picasso
Or maybe it was more like Matisse
Jagged edges, or displaced features
all in 3-D. Maybe some Van Gogh or Dali, too.
I’m learning now how not to paint over you
doing my best to keep it all as was
washing away the black washes
memories held in small swaths
hard to be a true witness of my truth
when i change the past and how i feel
about what happened based on
current circumstances
allowing the memories to remain
just as they were without being tainted
by the emotions that swirl and twirl
like snow in a globe,
around my paintings of you.
~Breathing in is called inspiration. It allows us to give birth to new ideas and emotions.
~Breathing out is called expiration. It allows us to release old ideas and emotions.
Like the tides, it is best when breathing is more or less balanced.
Sharp out breaths through sighs are an attempt to avoid feeling. It is an attempt to push something away that we do not want to either let go of or we do not want to experience feeling. It also prevents full inspiration.
The exhale needs to be soft and gentle like a whisper. Soft enough to avoid disturbing the scales on butterfly wings. Soft enough to release without forcing.
So now I work to slow down my out breath, feeling and allowing the old emotions and ideas to die, while recognizing them as best as I can. This allows a deeper in breath, as well.
Balancing the breath through having an equal time and velocity to the in and out breaths (inspiration ~ expiration) allows for a greater presence in the moment. This also builds less friction, creating fewer charges. There is less resistance to receiving new ideas through inspiration and it allows us to let go of the things which no longer serve us, through expiration.
It is hard to breathe in if we have not fully exhaled.
When my soul passes from this world, it is my hope that those left behind celebrate my life more than grieve the loss of it. As such, I am now choosing to celebrate more than grieve.
It is easy for me to focus on what I have “lost” this past year. Two days ago, many suppressed emotions hit me like a freight train after I was stood up. I was blind-sided by well-hidden and suppressed anger towards men, guilt for breaking up the family, and deeply-seated fears of abandonment and rejection.
By sitting through these emotions, allowing them to just express themselves without getting attached to them with statements like, “No, I don’t hate men,” or “yes, I’m a bad mother,” I was able to allow the beliefs to become neutral and no longer charged. It was hard as hell, yet worth the effort to become free of the charges.
I had been holding onto grief as if it were my job! I realize I had subconsciously packed up emotions and physical possessions. Now I am sorting through it all with an open heart and mind. Today I see that if I want to stop grieving, then I need to start celebrating!
Today I choose to celebrate:
being a mom that is freed from many of her own fears.
the relationships with men who are present and supportive warriors.
having a lighter home with fewer things to pack, move and unpack.
the light, will and strength within.
the freedom within to choose new ways of being.
that what is meant for me will never miss me.
May we all find the freedom to celebrate more than grieve today and every day. I hope you will join me in your own way! Feel free to share the things that you choose to start celebrating today.
Thank you Milady,
For helping me unlock my heart.
I had locked it up in fear and fright
afraid to feel, to even move,
afraid to lose what I didn’t have
But mostly afraid I didn’t have what it took to fight
To win back the love I had lost, my wife.
You have inspired me to take on the fight of my life
To win her heart again
When the darkness had come again
And despair was overwhelming
You were placed in my path,
to shine a light behind the façade
I presented to the world
You shone your light high,
Revealing the rocky path you are traveling,
Baring your soul, your heartache, unimaginable despair
Pain and suffering
Most importantly
Your fierce will, your courage
and your desire to live
I thank God for you!
We are all but single candles
Burning in the night
Together we burn braver, brighter, stronger
So I say simply,
Thank you, Thank you Milady,
I pray your light always burns bright!
❤ Ken
~~~~~
This is a guest post by my friend, Ken. He has been very supportive of my work here on & off WP. When we met, I hesitantly gave him the address to this blog. I’m grateful that I did, as it has helped him to see his own light and to take up the fight to save his marriage.
Ken, thank you so much for this! This came to me at a time when I needed it the most. You are part of why I didn’t take this site completely down…yes, I almost did! And yes, I do believe you need your own blog! You can do it!
