Ego’s Shadow

Outside of erotica, this feels like my most provocative post thus far. For me to see this aspect of myself, I almost went into a state of shock. 

The Ego, in the title, refers to the part of us that separates us from The All, that fears lack and that fights to defend itself ~ the survivalist. Many in the spiritual community work to eliminate or suppress the Ego. Personally, I believe that fighting against the Ego (or anything for that matter) just makes it stronger. Here I begin to surrender to my Ego. You can see my partial acceptance of myself as I repeatedly switch between first and third person…

The Darkness exhaled
reveals new layers
of armored protection.
The Shadow’s Game:
Complete Independence.
Rely on no one.
The facets of me that
cast long, dark shadows
when viewed. Her mantra:
“F-ck off! I don’t need you.”
The desire to be
Completely Independent.
Free from your opinions, deceptions,
orders, and freedom from my need of all of you.
To see me is to make me vulnerable.
The power felt within
has been utterly intoxicating.
Hearing her battle cry while she beats
her sword rhythmically against her gilded
shield. she’s taunting you to come near,
blood is her sport.
Peeling back the armor,
tender flesh afraid to fail.
Translucent thin skin,
vulnerable from within.
thus no one truly gets in.
For to open to you, to be true,
she gives power over to you.
Past manipulations still fresh
Tendons pulled like strings
by puppeteers. She sings,
“Never again to be a marionette.”
Her need for you makes
her vulnerable, she believes.
So she seeks to protect
me from you
(or you from me?)
Her strength is her libation.
She drinks deeply from her
own well. No, she doesn’t
want to want you.
Can you tell?
Yet she is battle worn.
No longer wanting to
alone cross the Rubicon.
Defeated & angry she retires.
There must be more to this life.
Folding inward, avoiding
falling on her own sword.
Her heart tender, her
desire: to be adored.
My own blood on her hands.
The good fight is found
in giving up the protection.
The good fight is found
by no longer fighting oneself
nor my need to need others.
In accepting this part of me, I am also noticing a greater sexual freedom: less sexual shame and a release of society’s rules about body image, sex, gender and sexuality…hopefully I’ll post soon about my changes in views regarding feminism. That might be a burner.
Image: Pintrest


8 thoughts on “Ego’s Shadow

  1. I love the strong, woman power in here – YES!! I was just writing about this myself a couple of days ago. I’m reaching out, and giving you a HUGE hug right now!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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