Degrees of Freedom

Freedom from emotions that threaten to crush us occurs in degrees. When we allow our feelings their due course, they move through and out of us. The challenge is that in the fear of feeling we often block the process, which keeps these emotions locked in our bodies and in our subconscious. These blocked emotions then secretly direct and control our actions – because we then move about our lives in fear of feeling them. Sometimes we also find ourselves blaming others. Good ol’ projection keeps us from taking steps to fix the underlying issue that’s within us.

To sit and allow these emotions their “time in court” permits us to gain increasingly greater degrees of freedom. By unpacking these emotions, like unpacking a suitcase that we’ve been carrying around over the course of our lifetimes, lifts that weight from us and we are able to begin moving about with a greater lightness to our steps as those unpacked emotions no longer weigh on us nor control us.

By sitting through each emotion and giving it time to speak uninhibited, the emotions can move through quickly, though at times intensely.

As a passionate woman, I feel things very deeply, throughout my entire body at times. Sometimes I experience physical pain as the emotions move through. Regardless of how strong the emotion is, I do my best to give it my fullest attention until its time is done and like a cloud whose time is done, it simply disintegrates.

I know there will be more clouds, more storms and more emotions to weather. I also know that there is more freedom to be gained in allowing them all to pass through. Fighting the hurricane requires too much effort to maintain. In the end, we are only fighting ourselves.

In going through this process, I often reach out for assistance from a Higher Power. Today was no exception. For instance, I asked to be held when I felt alone. When I feared the emotions would break me, I asked for support and imagined my backbone becoming stronger and more resilient. I became my own pillar through the grace of my Higher Power.

Here are some of the emotions, somewhat in order, as I experienced them today in working through a very powerful emotional storm. We’re talking gale-force winds, horizontal rains, hail, thunder and maybe even some fire and brimstone. Pervasive emotions are denoted by an asterisk.

*Grief, sadness
Anger
Betrayal
*Unrequited desire for love
*Rejection
Emptiness
Shame
*inadequacy
*unworthiness
Being used or harvested
A desire to leave, escape, run away (GTFO)
*Longing for death
Seeing visions and feeling transported back to “the house” a place of many dark memories where abuse occurred regularly.

Once I reach the “death” stage, I know I am almost done. I see this as the peeling back of the final layer of my old self. This is a form of submission, as well. Giving into the feeling allows me to be free of it, even the desire for death.

Following this process, I often feel a sense of relief. Sometimes I can feel a lingering sense of mourning, as in a way, part of me has died. At this stage, I set about asking my Higher Power to fill me with Love, support, acceptance and anything else that I feel I need in that moment. It is then that I am often overcome with a great sense of peace. Sometimes I feel somewhat tired, other times I feel energized. Regardless, I always feel more free.

Here are some of my observations over the four plus years I’ve practiced emotional alchemy:

  • The more we can weather, the more perfect the storm becomes.
  • The higher we fly spiritually, the deeper we must dig emotionally.
  • The desire to leave often precedes the desire for death.
  • The stronger the emotion, the more it needs to be heard, the more freedom regained.
  • The more I dread and avoid the process, the greater the rewards when I allow it to occur.

Please join me in gaining more degrees of freedom!

Image: google

 

14 thoughts on “Degrees of Freedom

  1. This is fuc$ing fabulous. It is precisely how I grew into my own future. I stopped suppressing the emotions.

    I was raised in a household where we were ridiculed if they were shown. It became a sign of weakness to me.

    The last hammer the adults took to my emotional bank was on the day of our son’s funeral – I was told to get it together and stop crying because I was affecting others. So I did.

    It took well over two decades for those precious tears to return and the only emotions I allowed to surface after that for nearly a decade was anger or indifference.

    I can’t remember the catalyst at this second but something made it past the armor and I was unable to hold them at bay any longer. Best day of my life.

    The day my life became mine to feel, love, create and live fully. This is wonderful, Tiffany

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh I’m so with you on your journey Tiffany. So many of those emotions I’ve felt and still feel, in various degrees and it’s always a battle to confront and move through them.

    Thank you for an enlightening post, wishing you strength and peace as you continue to navigate through the storms and rough seas of life. Hugs to you. xo

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh Yes God!! Tiffany , this is precisely it, Thank You, from the bottom of my heart, Thank You! Your ability to see and describe this process so clearly and eloquently is a gift to us all!! I have never really grieved my fathers’ death. Forty-eight fucking years of confusion, anger, sadness and rejection. It’s a wonder I am still here, (by the Grace of God!) I didn’t know how to ask for help so I thought I would show them, one failed attempt and still no help. Suck it up became my mantra! Talk about a lifetime of negative compound interest!

    The emotions (except being used and I totally get that) and observations you make are spot on with me as well. I cannot wait to share this with JoMell, it should definitely help her to understand me and hopefully help her to unpack her own baggage as well.

    I was crying as I typed this, now I just feel relief. Tiffany you are truly Gods’ gift to us, may He Bless you and Keep you all the days of your life!! Forever Hug my dear sweet sister, Ken

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It almost seems like the process of transforming emotions is systematic, as in one thing leads to another….one change leads to another, and another, until a more liberating stage is felt. I noticed this very crudely at a time when I first began getting re-connected with my emotions, and I’ve noticed, that the process itself seems to come more second nature the more I get in touch with it. Thank you, Tiffany, for helping keep the fire burning.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tom, yes, the process can be systematic when we allow it. To piggyback on what you’ve said, I have also found that by being present with my emotions helps in areas I wouldn’t have originally anticipated. There is a carryover and it breaks up the heaviness…bringing in humility. Sometimes I find myself laughing at myself because of it…. again, I’m grateful to be of service

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s