The featured image came up Friday on FB’s “on this day” from last year. I reposted it joking I needed it tattooed on my forearm. Then later in the morning, I witnessed the fraility of a woman who is also my toughest client. She casts out barbs and talks down to me as I genty ask her how she had been, as if blaming me for her very condition (or existence).
Her behavior triggered me. Within the same treatment session, she gave me a quick glimpse of how truly frail she is at her core. Through the looking glass, I began to see my own wounded little girl and how my own behavior has been over the past…
Today during a guided meditation on self-love, I met my most wounded self. Zooming out from the core, I saw how defensive (and evasive) I can continue to be in an effort to protect my wounded self from the world, or is it to protect the world from me?
Disappointment breeds discontent
The wounded girl cries out
Bound and gagged in the darkest dungeon
Yet her cries can still be felt
Pulling on the strings of my heart
Her confusion drives my mind in circles.
Like the rabbit,
In fear I run back to where I started.
To let her lose would bring annihilation
For the wounded girl at the core knows
How to slay perceived enemies
In one deadly blow, her sword sharpened
By years of desolation.
Her battle brings imminent death
In an effort to protect her essential core.
Best to be met at the castle gates by
Boiling tar, poured out like
Molten lava from cast iron cauldrons
Than to breech the gates.
The moat really is there
For your own protection…
Best to heed its warning.
Bringing light to the ordinary,
And the lovable
Aspects of myself,
Allowing the seams to
Stitching the patterns with
Threads of golden light,
Once again breathing in sweet unison
Repeated until the next undoing,
Giving the girl what she really seeks and
Needs: love and attention without any
Conditions. Acceptance brings her
The light she needs
To see the walls of the dungeon
Only ever existed in her imagination….
“Meditation Studio” is the app I used today. The meditation was “self-love.” While I liked the meditation, I don’t like how the statements seem to ask for permission (i.e. May I be happy). So I changed the affirmations to present tense. This is what I did, instead:
- I am happy.
- I am healthy.
- I am at peace.