Balancing the Edges: Creation & Destruction

All systems seek balance including our inner and outer selves. We often become unbalanced when we suppress the expression of our hidden, or shadow, aspects. This suppression is learned during the process of being raised, as we are taught to deny parts of ourselves to fit into society. We cut ourselves off from our truest expression of self as a sacrifice for the safety of others (imagine society if everyone acted on every urge felt). However, the complete suppression of our shadows creates an imbalance in our lives until we choose to look within and honor these hidden aspects; even if only symbolically. This is the first in a series about returning to a place of balance within by uncovering our hidden and at times golden facets.

Once the match is struck, it creates a flame which results in its own destruction. To create is to destroy. While I have posted about this topic repeatedly, even this week with the Necessity of a Broken Heart, today I have a new perspective to share.

For a new wave to be formed, the old one must crash. To build a new house or road, the land must first be cleared. To create a new thought, we must destroy the old beliefs. To create a new life, we must allow the old life to die. The maiden must die before she becomes a wife. I could list different things all day that follow this cycle and the possibilities are endless, yet to create such a list would destroy the point of this post. (smiling).

We can see these examples of creation coupled with destruction in the external world when we allow ourselves the sight to do so. For instance, when we watch the news we see where the world seems to be caving in on itself. Yet, so few of us see within ourselves how this is merely a reflection of our own inner desires for destruction. When we can allow our inner world to balance these two halves – without shame or judgement – then we can begin to be whole and complete – finding the keys to our true inner peace.

A beautiful wave crests just prior to its destruction, yet the water flows back to the ocean to create a new wave. In the process of creating new shoreline, something else must be destroyed.

When we fight our dark urges we give them more strength to control us. However, when we allow ourselves without judgement to have dark and “negative” or culturally unacceptable feelings – instead of blocking them or acting them out – then we can free ourselves from this burden of right or wrong. Accepting that the path of creativity also means that we destroy something, even if only in our minds, or even if only symbolically, then we can free the edges of our psyche to co-exist and we can move beyond duality. Balance is then restored and we come to a place of peace, even if it is briefly held as if “on the head of a pin.”
Some creative ways that we can get our destructive fixes: meditate and walk through our “dark sides,” write a story where everyone dies, paint (destroy the canvas with acrylics), sculpt, Dream and even daydream. These activities diffuse the ticking time-bomb within: when we allow them to be as they are – keys of free expression of our dark sides – we free ourselves and become the whole we are meant to be.

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Superheroes Needs Super Villains. The Movie ‘Unbreakable’ is a beautiful explanation of this need for balance.


When we block the destructive side of ourselves it just wells up within. Then we take it out on others through road rage, passive-aggressive behaviors, or maybe even directly abusing others. So much of the world makes sense now from this perspective. Look at all of the examples of “great real life heroes” who commit acts of atrocity.

From this vantage point, we can now see how great societies fell: when their destructive mechanisms outgrew their creative ones. I can now see how many serial killers were also sometimes model citizens. Ted Bundy, for instance, volunteered at a suicide hotline and talked people out of killing themselves. Yet had no problem brutally raping and murdering brunette college-aged women. Now I can understand my own fascination with war, war machines, and serial killers, of all things… This may be scratching the surface of BDSM as well.

This new awareness has shed so much light for me. I now see why I can be so patient and calm with clients and then short-tempered later. If someone cuts me off in traffic I thoroughly enjoy cussing like a sailor as it helps me to release that darker side of me. I have also seen how health care workers and other service providers have the darkest senses of humor. Yes, that absolutely includes me!

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So often the greatest artists destroy themselves with their nihilism. To create so beautifully, there is a requisite balance of destruction that must occur. Not understanding this, many artists destroy themselves. Perhaps as more artists embrace their darkness, fewer will die from their self-destructive behaviors. Special thoughts to: Jim Morrison, Heath Ledger, River Phoenix, Jimi Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Van Gogh, Whitney Houston, Kurt Cobain. 

It is now my belief that mystery schools and societies understand this need for destruction. Many believe Masons are devil worshipers. I never understood this, especially since my grandfather was one. He was one of the kindest & most gregarious men in my life. Perhaps this is why there is so much secrecy about what Masons do: men acting out their need to destroy can be highly misconstrued by the passer-by.

Each of these examples is seeking balance. By telling off-color jokes, cussing at other drivers and, at least mentally, indulging in dark sexual fantasies, I am finding balance in my own ways. This also explains phenomena such as “preacher’s kids.” Now I can even understand why for the past two weeks my children have been acting out so much at school. I had been blocking many of my darker thoughts lately. Now to dive in and free my children from finding the balance I was unwilling to find within.

So please, allow your darkness to express itself within you or at least in ways that allow you to release without harming yourself or others. Finding creative ways to express the need to destroy is a way of creating a controlled burn instead of having wild fires sweep through your  life. As I continue to understand this concept better, I will write more. 

The light & darkness within me honor the light & darkness within you.


The Lady of the Water

Images: google

33 thoughts on “Balancing the Edges: Creation & Destruction

  1. Oh, I love this post Tiffany. With all the changes in my life my darker side has come out and where in the past she’s been hidden away I find I’m almost embracing her too much. Is there such a thing? Trying to find peace within myself amidst all the right and wrong. And it’s never straight forward. I’m loving your posts lately. Thank you my friend xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Miriam, thank you for finding these posts useful. Know that there were some fantastic doses of medicine (i.e. Pain) that lead me to these places…. I do not know the answer to your question re embracing too much. But what I can say from this new understanding is that … there is a tit for tat that occurs here with the “dark and the light.” In what creative ways can you express your darkness? I love the Buddhist idea of breaking glass. Have fun with whatever path you choose. When we choose a private way to express our inner darkness, we save face. Yes, this is what I’m learning πŸ™‚
      Many hugs to you my friend! ❀️️🌈🌹
      Roses have a special meaning now: they have their beauty and their thorns. Sweet balance ❀️

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Don’t forget First Responders, and from personal experience I would add teachers and ER personnel. Wicked dark sense of humor.. ya really got me thinking with this post. Like you always do! πŸ˜† Hope the new alphabet addition leads to a fatter paycheck, you deserve it, πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘β€ Barn

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      • If I were to want to change then I would find a different way to express that aspect of myself. Maybe I write something that I then burn. Or maybe I take some bottles and break them in a metal trash can or get a hammer and hammer nails into a board that is meant for just that. It’s our choice how we wish to express, if we don’t choose then that’s when we act out our compulsions.
        The author Robert A. Johnson also has a book “Inner Work” that has other ideas for helping to express that aspect of ourselves. I haven’t read it yet. I’m still reading the shadow book. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Tiffany, this is pure gold. Seriously. I have read this several times and, as you might suspect, this completely resonates. I’ve been reading some Nietzsche and his philosophy on our relationship to nature…still trying to get my mind around it. Basically, he suggests we are a child of nature and estranged from her at birth. Our life-long quest becomes trying to become one with nature again and experience sadness from not being able to. However, the irony is that to be truly unified with nature again would mean our destruction. As you point out though, we can get there in the world of dreams, fantasy, and art that allow us to experience and celebrate the edges through symbolic destruction and through forms of high-grade divine bliss. These edges, if both sides are tended to, result in balance. Tiffany, this is an extremely profound post. Personally, I think it would be helpful to break it down into parts and for each of us to think about specific and sustainable lifestyle techniques or examples for how we have or should implement this. This is a post that should not be browsed. It requires deep introspection to truly appreciate the gift of what you are saying and have shared with us. Bravo! ❀

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    • Thank you, Michael! Yes, I’m devouring the book as fast as I can and am getting ready to get its counterpart re techniques (I’m not there yet!). One thing Johnson suggests is that he writes short stories (I’m assuming morbid). I need more techniques than that… literally just went to my local B&N, they don’t have that book in stock, tho it is available on Kindle: Inner Work: Using Dreams …. also by Johnson.

      I’ve had Owning Your Own Shadow in my Amazon cart since spring. Just finally purchased it and it has changed my life…completely new perspective and understanding. Yes, I plan to write more and this is probably going to be an ongoing theme. The post right after this refers to how we have projected our shadows onto the Presidential candidates… based on the premise presented here.

      “Wake up” by Rage Against the Machine comes to mind for me, and when it played tonight reminded me of the Matrix…. yes, my mind is a buzz with ideas for more posts. Unfortunately, this is a busy week for me and I have only half-baked ideas and posts.

      Thank you for reading (several times) and commenting. I was hoping more would appreciate this post as I found this simple concept ***so absofuckinloutely freeing.***

      Take a moment, Michael, and apply this overlay to your relationships. I’ve seen how in the past I can edify and then crucify my lovers – at least mentally. And I could say so much more.

      For now, I need to continue to explore. I almost feel like maybe I posted this prematurely, but the concept was so freeing I couldn’t hold back. I was on a high for the rest of that night and to some degree I still am.

      Hope you’re well wherever you are tonight. I’m grateful for your in depth comment.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you Tiffany😘 If I may suggest, this is a post, you should try to highlight in an introductory paragraph and insert it in all of your future posts that build on or explore these learnings. Not just a passing link but give the key learnings. Hopefully, that will bring readers back to this foundational or framework-type post. It will take more than one pass to fully appreciate. Hope all is well in your world. I’m airborne and on my way to San Francisco for a few days. 😘

        Liked by 1 person

      • Michael, thank you for the suggestions! I think I understand and will make some changes soon. With the Virgin/vixen post I feel I inadvertently created a vision of a path of working through various dichotomies… we’ll see how that pans out! I’ve had many ideas and this was the first to make it to completion. It’s been a busy week/end and I am feeling a bit worn down since that last post. πŸ™‚
        Enjoy San Francisco! May your girl w flowers in her hair make an appearance πŸ™‚
        (Going to Ca played today, funny. So I’m a little jealous that I’m stuck on the EC for a bit!)

        Liked by 1 person

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