Over the past few months some things have come up in my life that show me how judgmental I am against myself. Friends and enemies can commit far worse “crimes” and I can pardon them. Yet the slightest mistake on my part and I’m flaying myself with mental barbs and hooks…for much longer than would ever be necessary for anyone else. This has been a painful lesson for me to see and it’s time to change another element of how I treat myself. Compassion is the answer to judgment, and will be my theme for 2017.
Within judgment I feel there are elements of sadness and anger. Anger sears through my inner being when I throw hot coals at myself for my behaviors or thoughts. Then the sadness is seen in my belief that I am not a better person. There is also the grief that comes from the way I direct so much anger at myself.
This self-treatment just holds me back from greater achievements. Beating myself down, there is no way to rise back up. There is also no escaping self-deprecating thoughts, so I have sought out reprieve in external addictive behaviors like texting, eating and watching TV. So while I’ve had more free-time the past few months I’ve been writing less. Writing is my release and I’ve been more challenged to write because of the creativity block that judgment created. I can stand it no longer.
Finally, I am gifting to myself the salvation of compassion. Hell’s fires are now just smoldering lava trails in the calm, soothing waters of understanding. The murkiness & the confusion that past judgments wrought have begun to clear in the clean air of compassion.
If anyone else in the world had done what I have done, they’d have been nurtured and set free of judgment by me. It’s now time to give these very gifts to myself, for the less I hold judgment against myself, frees others to love themselves a little bit more. A planet of people who have open hearts to themselves helps the world to be a greater place. So please join me in finding a new way to gift ourselves more grace.