When we walk through life carrying the pains of old relationships, we begin to become weighed down by them. These old wounds and hurts lead us to be unable or unwilling to engage with new people who come into our lives who want to connect with us. In these ways, the pains caused in the past continue to create new wounds, keeping us from moving forward and even preventing connections in the present.
Releasing the pain caused by the past can be a tough choice to make, as we feel we must remain connected with that person in some way. This pain becomes an albatross. It really only serves to keep us imprisioned in our suffering.
Sometimes we long for a way to release the pain and need a healthy way to do so. Here I will discuss several methods that I often use to break these bonds of pain. Choose the ones which speak most loudly to you.
I call these burn letters for two reasons: 1. They are written with the intention of burning them, 2. Their purpose is to say any and everything that needs to be said and at times may seem like you are ‘burning’ the other person with your anger.
The steps here are simple. Take out traditional pen and paper. Then write until you feel a strong sense of release. It may take several pages. Keep writing until you feel you’ve gotten something off of your chest.
Sometimes I find these letters begin with one intention and change direction. For instance, in a letter I recently penned, I discovered I was more angry with myself than the original person. Also another time when writing a burn letter to the ex-husband, at the end it turned into a letter of gratitude. Later I burned the burn letter, minus the gratitude letter.
The point with the burn letters is to write until there is a feeling of a shift in energy. Perhaps you feel a palpable release, or you feel gratitude or another shift altogether …. fill in the blank.
Please remember to be diligent in protecting yourself and others by practicing fire safety if and when you do choose to burn your letter.
This past weekend it was brought to my attention that the pain caused by a bad date was affecting my ability to relate with another date. After a day of walking around in my confusion, i sat down and began to pour my anger out about the bad date onto a page of innocent spiral-bound paper. I said all the things that were hurting my heart.
Suddenly, I recognized that I was very angry with myself. So I wrote a letter to myself on the same page. After all of my grievances were properly aired, I emotionally and physically felt relieved. I slept better that night than I had in many weeks, finally breaking the pattern of insomnia.
This shit works, if you allow it to. The more vulnerable and honest you can be, the more of a shift you will see.
The love of the heart heals when the doors to the heart are allowed to open. This meditation can be used to heal the part of you that this person has hurt. You could also use this meditation to heal the person who has hurt you. Either way, you are allowing love where there was once only pain. I use this meditation daily in some capacity.
Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love has a guided meditation that I often perform at the end of my day, even though it takes only about 5 minutes to perform, I have found it very effective. It is available here on YouTube.
This method is best performed in a well-grounded meditative state. This also requires more focus and this may be better performed by those who meditate on a regular basis.
See the other person in your mind’s eye as you become aware of any cords or hooks that travel between your body and theirs. You may find that the part of your body that hurts is where a cord is attached. There may be more than one cord or hook, as well. Imagine disconnecting that cord from your body. You can then ask the other person, in your mind, if they are ready to let go of the cords. If they are you can then imagine the cord being discarded and burned or taken to heaven by Angels. If they choose to hold onto the cord, respect their wishes. They are not ready yet.
Another cord cutting method is to ask Archangel Michael to cut the cords and remove the hooks for you. Because of our free will, divine intervention only occurs when we request it.
Both methods may need to be repeated over time while your heart heals. Whenever we share pain, worry or misery with another, these cords are recreated.
Disconnecting from pain
There is no need to carry around the pain and wounds from others. It does not serve you and it does not serve them. These pains also prevent us from opening our hearts to others who choose to remain in our lives. Sometimes the only way to move past the pain is to walk right the fuck through it.