This past week I have been chipping away bit by bit at a humongous block of anger and resentment. The posts I have written during this time have been realizations I have had as I’ve worked at chipping away. Yet, a good bit of the anger, resentment and even sadness still remained. So today I’m going to do my best to dive into the depths of this pain, to give it a voice and validation; to set myself free.
Due to several events in my life, I have felt unappreciated, even depreciated. The resentment soon follows and builds fresh wounds that ooze instead of soothe. All this anger builds up inside and blocks my ability to sleep, to fully appreciate the flowers and the things that are going well. Now, it’s not all bad, as I do appreciate the good things more than I would have, say 2 months ago. However, in attempting to push away the anger and resentment, I also kept some (not all) more positive experiences and feelings away.
So today I step back and look at what I’ve created. A shield instead of a coat of armor. By blocking the seemingly bad, I’m also blocking the things I want more of in my life. It numbs me and robs me of my right to more fully be me.
Sinking into the layers of the pain, I allow the anger its voice; “just be,” I tell me. To get through, I remember to keep loving me; allowing the anger that is part (not all) of me to be. A physical wound doesn’t heal faster nor go away just because we want it to. It must be given its course, love and space emotional wounds will do what they need to do.
Once again I now emerge with a new sense of freedom and a new clarity of my voice. Just by allowing my feelings to be.
Namaste
You describe the frustration, struggle, realization, surrender and release to poetically
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Thank you! I wish it felt as good going through the process as it may sound. Tho, I do feel a huge weight lifting from my chest. Carrying that around was not healthy… it was time to face it. Thank you, again!
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The best way to the other side is through ππ»π
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So true! Sometimes I forget π
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Yes anger can be poison in the body if held in on the adverse it can be detrimental if not handle appropriately when you let it out. There is a healthy anger and there is a detrimental anger. Keep chipping away you will get there.
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Yes, it was mostly the detrimental kind. π and I also believe there will also be some healthy changes as a result… just to get through it all π
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When I did anger work. I was told to go to a secluded place where I could run around and scream at the top of my lungs. You would not believe how effective that was. Profanity was uses and I shedded layers that day. π
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Oh, yes, I need this! Profanity is so beneficial I find. I usually blast my music and yell/scream and say many bad words. I need to add movement π
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Go girl! lol
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Oh, yes, I like to make the sailor’s blush w my word choices…. smh
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Ha ha ha.
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I love this. I was stuck in anger and resentment for years. I think the best thing is that we admit it. And then find ways to release it. I also think having it validated helps because then we don’t have to stuff it back inside again which is a bit like having to swallow regurgitated vomit (sorry for the gritty analogy but it seems to ring true.) You will get to the other side one day!
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Thank you for appreciating this! And yes, when I’m this lit up I almost literally want to projective vomit as if I were hurling a Rock at someone. So gritty or not, I understand the analogy even more π thank you for your encouragement. This piece was quite cathartic and helped shift for me most of what remained.
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I feel as though you’re starting to lower that shield my friend. I’m glad. That’s so freeing for you. xo
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Thank you for this recognition, Miriam! I also feel the shield is lowering degree by degree! Love to you!
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I’m so glad. β€οΈ Love and hugs my friend xo
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