loving ourselves to be free
When we push away the feelings we don’t want to feel, the resisted feelings only grow stronger. It is in breathing through and allowing ourselves to feel (not necessarily act out) our feelings that allows them to move through us. It is gen that we can choose differently; to move forward. Letting go happens when we allow, not when we push things away.
May we each allow a new voice from within ourselves its space, so we may move forward with a greater sense of grace.
Namaste
(C) 2017 Tiffany Cara
Strength of character isn’t built when the sun is shining, the sea is smooth and all is well. It’s built when your sails are torn, when the waves are high, when the rudder keeps slipping and when you’re still determined to give it your best.
(C) 2017 Tiffany Cara
At a young age, I fell in love with the concept of love. I believed that to be in love with a man meant that all of my problems would go away. The knight in shining armor was a frequent fantasy of mine, though, he was rarely wearing armor in my mind. Ironically, it turns out that in reality the men I’ve been romantically involved with have had armor that was hidden, just below the surface. And so did I.
When I decided that I wanted to end my marriage nearly 3 years ago, I believed that I would seamlessly walk out of his arms and into the arms of the “man of my dreams.” It’s great for me that this did NOT happen. For starters, I’d not have created this blog (today is my 2-year anniversary blogging, by the way!). Secondly, I would have just made the same damn mistakes that I made in my marriage; because I still hadn’t learned to love and respect myself. Thirdly, I would never have discovered that the love that I have been seeking all along has always been in my own heart. Finally, I never would have trusted in my own love. I did not believe that my love was enough, so I sought it in others.
I see now where I was running around, panhandling for love, seeking to put a few coins into my mostly empty cup. To seek that love and meeting of needs from someone else has only left me feeling disappointed, resentful, hurt and depleted. It is also crazy-making to seek from others something they can never truly give if they themselves feel broken or inadequate. Broken hearts only create more broken hearts. Hurt people hurt people.
So at 41, I’ve decided that I’m done with having a broken heart. I’ve decided that I’m over sorting through potential dating partners through on-line dating, or searching faces in a crowd for “him.” I’ve decided that I don’t want to waste any more of my life looking for something “out there” that is really within me. Only I can love myself the way that I need to be loved. Only I truly know my own needs enough to meet them fully.
The path to this decision has been tumultuous, unsteady and at times damn right frustrating. Now that I am here, I have a sense of peace and release that I have never experienced before. This decision has freed me to be myself more than ever before. This decision to stop dating, to stop beseeching, to stop putting myself in situations where I put my heart, and sometimes sanity, on the line has lead me to a new discovery; the well of my heart runs more deeply than I ever could have imagined.
While I still believe that there exists a “man of my dreams” and that I will meet him one day, it is imperative that until then, that I fill my own cup. If he is truly the man of my dreams, he is learning to do the same for himself.
Cheers to filling our own cups! Cheers to filling our own hearts with the very things we seek from others: Love and Acceptance. May we each find the peace and love within that we deserve, no longer only seeking it from others.
Namaste
I keep feeling the call to love more and more; to dig deeper, to press into unknown territories, to pass through the anger and the fear, so as to love from a new part of my heart. Some people and situations make this easy. Others make it down right challenging.
“Love them, anyway,” the small quiet voice in my heart said when I started to call the guy who cut me off in traffic a jerk. “Love them, anyway,” my heart reminded me, even though they have said the same thing like five times, even though I had already repeated it back to them already. “Love them, anyway,” my heart whispers, even though their answers are short and curt when I am working to help them. “Love them, anyway,” my heart beckons, it’s easy to love the easy-ones-to-love. Now to learn to love the difficult ones..,
This does not mean that I condone others’ behaviors. If someone is acting disrespectful, I can choose how I want to respond to protect my own integrity. It also means that I have the choice to not carry their names around in my head (or the labels I would like to give them), saying bad things and thinking bad thoughts about them. My thoughts about others also reflect the thoughts I have about myself…
So today, I’m learning to love others, anyway. Some people are easier to love at a distance. And yet, they need love just as much as anyone else – actually, I’d say the difficult ones need love even more. Hurt people hurt people. Love fills the wounds.
As I learn to love others, even with their faults and barbs, I am learning to love myself more and more, too. So now, when I catch myself thinking what a jerk someone has been (and it had been happening more that I’d like to admit), I remove the word and do my best to see my interactions with them as a lesson…in compassion, for myself and for them. I also am sure to not call myself names, as well, lest the quote from Paul Valery (below) becomes reality.
Namaste
Images: credits in images
Choosing Love in the Face of Everything
Friction and conflict can build our strength. Friction lights the match. Friction makes waves as the wind blows across the water. Friction gives us traction, allowing us to move forward. It is along this edge of conflict, of friction, that we grow.
There exists a conflict when we choose to take a new vision or new path. We must leave our comfort zones and embark on a new adventure. Just as trees grow from their edges, we too grow when we push into a new aspect of life.
This friction in life can push us into new ways of living, if we open our wings, if we open our sails. Or we can allow the friction to keep us stuck where we are. It requires each of us to have faith and believe in our own ability to change, to do something new, to open our wings and fly.
There is fear that can crop up and keep us stuck. Or we can redirect the energy of fear and change it into excitement to give us the courage we need to take that leap, trusting that the air will support us.
Our thoughts are our GPS, consciously or not, they affect our actions and our paths. By becoming more aware of our underlying thoughts, we can more easily change our direction in life.
Meanwhile, allowing our thoughts to run amuck in our minds, we give up our control to them. Our GPS takes us to the wrong places, and sometimes we find ourselves driving in circles; stuck in patterns that do not serve us. By being unaware of our underlying thoughts, they unconsciously drive our actions from the backseat. Here I will illustrate some examples of the growing awareness I have had of my thoughts over the past few weeks.
After reading and implementing the daily meditation recommended in the book, Yoga + Love, I have noticed an unexpected side effect. By becoming increasingly aware of what thoughts have been running like sound tracks in the background of my mind, I see where I have created insomnia, heartbreaks and lack of resources in my life.
For someone who thought she had at least a foothold on understanding herself, this had been an eye-opening experience. It turns out that there have been many thoughts that I’ve had that have been silently running (and sidelining the progress in) my life.
For most of this year, I had been increasingly suffering from insomnia. After a week or so of twice daily heart-centered meditation, I suddenly saw where I was telling myself that I was not able to sleep, even before I got in bed. I was, in a proverbial sense, making my bed and lying in it: sleepless.
Once I saw this “I can’t sleep” thought pattern, I was able to change it. Now I rest peacefully at night without taking any supplements to help me sleep! By changing my thoughts, I changed my sleeping patterns!
I have also noticed how often I tell myself that I don’t have something. Examples have included: “I don’t have the time/energy/ability to deal with this.” Guess what has then happened? Your probably guessed correctly, my thoughts became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now, if I hear what I am saying to myself is NOT something that I want in my life, I replace the once “subliminal” thought with one that supports the direction in which I wish to move. “I am capable. I am worthy. I have all the resources that I need to do this successfully.”
Then this week I saw where I had had a strong pattern of focusing more on sex compared to the emotional connections that I have desired over the past 2 years of dating. This was a truly necessary moment of truth, albeit a painful one.
While my intention in the last round of dating had been to focus on emotional connections, and I achieved that, the underlying thoughts about sex were still there. They continued driving me and played a role in my (dis)connection with the last man I was dating. This is a challenging confession to make. Yet it is an important one for me to acknowledge and see as I move forward, so that I can now do things differently.
To fully correct this dysfunctional dating pattern, I am giving up dating right now for 6-months, if needed. It’s time for me to clear a good bit of these (and yet to be seen) thoughts and soundtracks so that I can create the connection that I truly desire. Instead of continuing to create connections that are based on the underlying thoughts of lust. After publishing this post, I read this on Mind, Body, Green.
So as you can see, heart-centered meditation has been my key to self-discovery. May each of us find ways to uncover the thoughts that are secretly driving our actions, so that we may consciously choose a different pattern and, when needed, change our direction.
Namaste
Images: Google
We seek out Love in others in the form of affirmations, acceptance, intimacy and affection; to name just a few. Yet this Love cannot truly fill our needs. It is but a band-aid over our greater need.
The challenge is seeing that we each hold in our own hands the chalice of Love. It is our own purpose to fill our own chalice with our own love. We each have a unique energy that is required for us, as individuals, to heal. Seeking love from others, in objects, our careers, our status or Social Media outlets just keeps us running from the truth: our own love is the best salve for any wound. Anything else is mere imitation. If we cannot love ourselves, we don’t trust the love of others.
To move up in life, it’s important to propel ourselves forward with hearts filled with more love than fear; more patience than impatience; more compassion than apathy; more trust than distrust. The Love that starts from within is the answer. Even loving “the suck” is imperative….
How today, and everyday, can we each add something to our own cups?
Namaste
Making positive changes in our lives is a process. However, I find that many people (including myself) seek huge changes and become disappointed if those changes do not occur overnight. This can be a challenge, because this can keep us from appreciating the subtle shifts that can lead to bigger changes.
At the onset of any journey, just a few degrees of change in the beginning can lead to bigger changes further down the path. Acknowledging subtle changes early on can also help us to see and appreciate greater shifts as we move forward.
So while we nurture big dreams and visions, knowing that all of the little changes that we make today allows for greater pieces to fall into place tomorrow. Even if the shifts today are by small degrees, by continually redirecting our focus on the prize allows us to make our way to it. Even if sometimes appears that the change is only by a few degrees those degrees add up to big changes in the long run.
Just as I share these thoughts, I am applying them to my own life; reminding myself that this is a process. Growth occurs at the edges of our comfort zone and to get where we are going next we need to push that growth edge on a daily basis. For it is the cumulative change that we seek. Today, by choosing to live a little differently, we affirm the changes we seek. Instead, to stay where we were yesterday, prevents us from being better and greater tomorrow. With each degree that we allow ourselves to expand into new territories, the more our perspective changes and the more we can better see the next right step to take.
“I am learning to appreciate the subtle changes that I am making today.”
Images: BrainyQuotes
By chasing our heroes, we find new ways to push our growth edge. By continually moving out of our comfort zones, we make our best a reality, over and over again.
Last night, a very good friend shared with me Matthew McConaughey’s Oscar acceptance speech. It blew me away!
I hope you find it does the same for you. Today and every day, let’s find new ways to “chase our heroes!”
