Stopping the Insanity of Dating

At a young age, I fell in love with the concept of love. I believed that to be in love with a man meant that all of my problems would go away. The knight in shining armor was a frequent fantasy of mine, though, he was rarely wearing armor in my mind. Ironically, it turns out that in reality the men I’ve been romantically involved with have had armor that was hidden, just below the surface. And so did I. 

When I decided that I wanted to end my marriage nearly 3 years ago, I believed that I would seamlessly walk out of his arms and into the arms of the “man of my dreams.” It’s great for me that this did NOT happen. For starters, I’d not have created this blog (today is my 2-year anniversary blogging, by the way!). Secondly, I would have just made the same damn mistakes that I made in my marriage; because I still hadn’t learned to love and respect myself. Thirdly, I would never have discovered that the love that I have been seeking all along has always been in my own heart. Finally, I never would have trusted in my own love. I did not believe that my love was enough, so I sought it in others.

I see now where I was running around, panhandling for love, seeking to put a few coins into my mostly empty cup. To seek that love and meeting of needs from someone else has only left me feeling disappointed, resentful, hurt and depleted. It is also crazy-making to seek from others something they can never truly give if they themselves feel broken or inadequate. Broken hearts only create more broken hearts. Hurt people hurt people.

So at 41, I’ve decided that I’m done with having a broken heart. I’ve decided that I’m over sorting through potential dating partners through on-line dating, or searching faces in a crowd for “him.” I’ve decided that I don’t want to waste any more of my life looking for something “out there” that is really within me. Only I can love myself the way that I need to be loved. Only I truly know my own needs enough to meet them fully.

The path to this decision has been tumultuous, unsteady and at times damn right frustrating. Now that I am here, I have a sense of peace and release that I have never experienced before. This decision has freed me to be myself more than ever before. This decision to stop dating, to stop beseeching, to stop putting myself in situations where I put my heart, and sometimes sanity, on the line has lead me to a new discovery; the well of my heart runs more deeply than I ever could have imagined.

While I still believe that there exists a “man of my dreams” and that I will meet him one day, it is imperative that until then, that I fill my own cup. If he is truly the man of my dreams, he is learning to do the same for himself.

Cheers to filling our own cups! Cheers to filling our own hearts with the very things we seek from others: Love and Acceptance. May we each find the peace and love within that we deserve, no longer only seeking it from others.

Namaste

broken-window

29 thoughts on “Stopping the Insanity of Dating

  1. Happy Anniversary! Finding something so personal, and yet elusive is something that I believe happens when we are least expecting it. I’ve never had any luck with dating services, and for that matter, clubs and bars. I’ve met people when I wasn’t looking, and those have been the most rewarding.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Congratulations on your two-year anniversary. This piece shows great spiritual wisdom.😘 Application is another journey and you seem well on your way. You may disagree with what I’m about to say but I would like to at least share it. The “man of your dreams” is also inside you and not “out there”. Tend to him as the perfect fantasy through your art and meditation as you would tend to your garden. No man can sustain the divine projection of your soul indefinitely. We can sustain it briefly but it eventually crashes in disillusionment. Look for traces of your inner world in men and savor these traces…rather than the dream personified. One will offer more of these traces than others and he will touch your soul in this way. Happy anniversary to a very beautiful and talented woman🌹

    Liked by 2 people

    • Michael, yes, I agree the animus projection is unsustainable and I agree that, with the right person, that consummate love can and does exist. I don’t expect a personification of my animus, but the right man will stand out amongst the crowd 🙂
      Thank you for the compliments! I’m finally able to receive them 🙂 it’s great to hear from you! I’m sorry I’ve been quiet.
      ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Im glad you are giving up seeking outsode for love. Self love is what is required of us if we are ever to fully be capable of a true human love…and if its meant for you love willl find you without effort or trying to control outcomes when you are love 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, again, Gabrielle! I need to update my blog. I’ve been dating a friend and it’s been an amazing month of growth. Keeping my options open and loving myself on deepening levels.

      Liked by 1 person

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