Losing the Illusion: Facing Disappointment

Branching into new territories brings about the need to clear out the old thoughts and beliefs that crowd the paths. Facing fears, outdated beliefs of “what ought to be,” and stored up emotions (reminds me of “lions, tigers and bears, oh, my!”) allows us to clear the way for further exploration and opening into bigger and better opportunities for ourselves. Today, many of those illusions, those thoughts of “what ought to be,” smacked me in the face, much like a wayward branch on a hike.

The unwanted thoughts and feelings have been gnawing at the pit of my stomach. Like a boomerang they fly out, only to come right back again. “By 42, I should be in a better place: secure with myself, my finances and living as a “whole” family. What is this: changing my name post-divorce, not having full custody of my kids and figuring out “how to get out of debt?” And I should be “solid” by now in who I am, not still trying to “find my voice.”” These thoughts cycle like an un-merry, merry-go-round. No wonder I feel dizzy and my insides feel turned upside down.

Acknowledging these feelings, putting them “on paper,” even saying them out loud via this blog, helps me to see them differently, to put them into perspective. “Who is saying this?”

These thoughts are not me, yet I have been listening to them. Today, I choose to rewrite my story, to see something new, to see something different and open into a new reality. Today, I am putting pen to paper and allowing the ink and new ideas to flow. Those old thoughts? I am letting them to keep going down the path they are on, while I choose a new one. Today, I’m creating a new map, and calibrating my compass; my sense of where I am and where I am going.

Digging deeper: What do you want to do differently, starting today? To get to a new place, it’s important to start exactly where we are – not where we “ought to be”… for to navigate from the wrong place, just gets us further away from obtaining our dreams.


2 thoughts on “Losing the Illusion: Facing Disappointment

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  1. I hear ya; I’m 51, and every now and again, I catch myself thinking ‘I should be doing things differently by now…’. Sometimes it’s true, but sometimes it’s just me judging myself by Society’s standards, which are very 2D and controlling. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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