Becoming The Love You’ve Been Looking For

Fantasies about knights in shining armor started at a young age for me. I wanted a man to save me from my miseries; to whisk me away on his stead into the sunset. Fairytales, it seems, were a vast part of my psyche.

Then in my late thirties when my marriage dissolved and I was left to face my life, with my miseries and messes, I turned away by looking for the knight in shining armor again; and to no avail. In seeking, I upped my misery. Yet while I sought, I also began to look inward. This blog, in all of its iterations, reflects a good part of that journey.

Today, I am seeing that the love and acceptance I’ve sought in others was quietly waiting…right here, inside of me. Yes, I’ve read in books this concept of self-love. Yet, it was only recently that I began to experience it as a regular part of my daily life and reality.

How has this come to be, you may be wondering? It really is more simple than you may want to believe. If you’ve been following my story, you may see the pattern. It is about the consistent application of self-love and self-compassion in the face of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

To be more specific: The places where we have built walls must be torn down. Those walls are the thoughts and beliefs that block us from our own light, our own love and in maintaining those walls, it eats up our energy.

This place of self-love is behind those walls. It can feel scary to “walk into” those blockades, for each brick is a thought we have taken the time to place and mortar together to form these walls. Then we take to painting our beliefs of who we are, like murals, on these walls. So to look closely at any of the murals or walls is to question our very own self-concept. It can feel like death to question who we are. In a way it is: it is the death of who we believed we were.

Furthermore, we feel vulnerable when we take those walls down. As each of those bricks was formed in the belief that life or love hurts us. Yet the reality is that those very walls keep us locked in with the pain, while the love we seek remains on the other side of the keep.

The very thing we seek is within us. It is up to us to break down the walls that separate us from ourselves and hence from others. We can be so busy blaming others for our pain that we avoid seeing how we are hurting ourselves and creating the very things that keep us locked in that hell.

So go to those walls. Breathe through the fear, the heartache. Write, cry, dance and be moved by the emotions that you’ve been keeping locked up. In freeing them, you free yourself. With each wall you break down, you will find another measure of love for yourself.

It is in “feeling the rainbow” of human emotions that we become who we are here to be: ourselves unlimited, ourselves being free.


Published by Tiffany

Writing out my thoughts has helped me to gain a new perspective of myself. In sharing these writings, it is my hope to help others to better understand themselves. It is my belief that with each of us who chooses this path of greater understanding of thy self, that it inspires others to do the same. This building momentum is the force that drives me to share, for in my vulnerability, I find my strength. I believe that you can also find yours there. ~~~In reading some of my posts, you will see that growth is not always pretty. It is in breaking apart and coming undone that a seed sprouts and breaks free of its own captivity. It is also out of mud that the lotus blossoms. ~~~Please join me in seeing the beauty of growth within the deconstruction of our limiting beliefs. ~~T.C.

39 thoughts on “Becoming The Love You’ve Been Looking For

  1. The ancient wound of how we were parented can stop us from truly ‘self-loving’; if our early messages from our care givers are that we’re annoying/unwanted/trouble etc, it takes a lot of work to change our reactions to that… we need to be our own knight in shining armour, and take ourselves off to the therapist on that horse! And even so, arguments with our beloveds will reveal where our ‘self love’ remains weak or lacking altogether. So yes, loving ourselves ” in the face of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g” takes practice and mindfulness, and we will sometimes fail. Great post, G

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, yes and yes! Hence the consistent application of self-love and self-compassion. I would argue that the feeling of failure is just the revealing of another area that needs the salve of self-compassion and love. When we consistently give ourselves the grace that we so quickly bestow upon others, we are well on our way in our healing journeys. ❤️🤩

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Well written Tiffany. And a very real description of the ‘walls’ we build.
    It is a big journey, but behind it all, a very loving one as we find the answers we have been seeking in that self love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Our hearts yearn for those amazing, happy ever after journeys that we so love to watch where a hero goes through many fears to face his/her truth. Like one of those grand love stories that leave us all emotional after a viewing because we so want to be in that place. So yes, they are an allegory for our journey, especially all the things we must face to finally step into that place we have hoped and worked for for such a long time.
        But with one ‘slight’ difference, there is no way to put a ‘truth’ in a story or a film, and by truth I mean the actual experience of something as we have no way to fully relate to it. So we relate to those stories only by what we have experienced in our lives.
        But once the fears are faced, touched and understood, they open something so wonderful to almost put us in shock, tears flowing from a truth that has finally opened to us within, and a true understanding of what self love really is. THAT can only be understood in actually experiencing it, and a new journey begins, but this time building something from a truth, no longer being twisted or faulted by those lifelong fears that held us hostage.
        We have endured much so that we really do appreciate the beauty now before us, and the understanding that it gives also shows that we had bound ourselves with a lie (those walls) so that we would no longer be hurt, when in fact the fear is bound in those walls of which we carried everywhere with us, becoming its hostage in all that we did. That release, that understanding of what actually built that fear and now being released, diminishes its power over us, no longer holding us in its patterns so that now we begin to feel that happiness and love we have so yearned for all our lives.
        It is difficult to explain fully but I will say this, the day you touch that understanding of your fears, your love will change no longer bound but fully opening to the one thing that you have denied yourself for many years, always holding what the fear had built, not believing you are good enough or can’t do this or that…and that is to believe in and love you, for exactly who you are, warts and all 😀
        Sorry Tiffany, got excited and the pen flew. Each time I think of it and how it made me feel it opens that ‘saga’ within and wants to be told, because for each of us it is something so incredibly beautiful and will touch that beauty and leave us spellbound in its understanding ❤

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Mark, thank you for your reply. Please do not apologize for sharing! We each need to both share and be heard, for both help us and others along the way. The summit can seem daunting, yet it in the valleys that we can our strength and confidence – if we choose to look beyond the “shadows of death.”
        Thank you, again, for sharing! The more voices, the more will hear.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Each of us do explain it a different way, simply because our experiences are different as we journey. Some will relate, some will not, but as you said, we will be the light of what we have become within and attract accordingly.
        And in fact your ‘wall’ post above has put to words an important process we must all go through, may I reblog? 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  3. What a wonderful, spot on, post. I’ve been embarking on this journey for a few months and have felt a bit of a ‘shift’ – it’s not constant (in fact yesterday and today have been difficult) – but knowing it exists provides so much hope. Thank you for sharing XO

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Glad you found the post helpful! Yes, I believe the shift is a continual process that we can choose to take or ignore. Usually it causes more pain when we choose the latter. As I type, I’m in a spot where I need to look closely at some more bricks, to tear down some more walls. (Kind of like housekeeping…)
      Sending love as you continue your journey! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Beautifully penned from only one who has the experience to write the Journey. Oh yes it is downright terrifying at best sometimes to tear those walls down but when we do, we free us. Some verbalize self-love is selfish. No it is not. For if we do not LOVE ourselves, we will not be able to LOVE others. I was deeply touched and moved by your words. Bless you for sharing your story!! I embrace you as a Sister of Love! 💞🌹💞

    Liked by 1 person

    1. AmyRose, I’m grateful to hear you found this helpful! Yes, this journey is about rediscovering our love for ourselves. It’s the least selfish thing we can do. And I’m sending hugs back your way!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. A wonderful sharing of vulnerability and inspiring others along the way to self-love. It is the answer we each discover at some stage of our journey if we allow! Much love cons pleased to meet you x barbara x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Barbara, it’s so great to hear your support! It sounds like you can definitely relate and that you’ve also experienced this through allowing…which is the next post I’m in progress with now. Thank you, again!
      Much love! Tiffany

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Beautiful words of truth, that many of us have experienced, This journey through which we travel is constantly throwing us to look deeper within..
    And heal from the core of our wounds..

    Love and Blessings, I came via Marks reblog.
    Wishing you well upon your journey of discovery Tiffany.. 💚

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Speaking right to my core yet again as I too am trying to embrace all I am. I’m still knocking down those walls and it can be so scary but you’re right, it’s who we are and with practice we can do it.
    I’ve missed your posts Tiffany, they rarely appear in my Reader, so it’s so nice to read you again. Hugs 💙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww! I’m so glad to hear you’ve found some solace today. Sorry to hear you’ve been missing them. It must be my timing. I don’t post w as much regularity and I post at varying times throughout the day. So grateful to hear from you my friend in this journey! ❤️🙏sending much love!

      Liked by 1 person

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