The shifts from this week have lead to me to the awareness of a significant amount of suppressed anger and sadness. While the events that lead to this awareness were seemingly innocuous, they did their job in uncovering the hidden well of emotions. It was in giving myself permission to feel my emotions that the well was tapped.
Sorting through the initial upwelling, I saw patterns emerge. Boundary violations, perceived indiscretions and abandonment were common threads. Digging deeper I found that the Golden thread in each of these scenarios was myself. As I felt this, I literally hit my bed. I gave myself permission to have a good ol’ fashioned temper tantrum.
In round two of my delving, I found that pure emotion rose up. There were not as many memories or images or impressions to go along with the anger, sadness and grief that I felt. It was just plain raw, yet needed to be allowed and felt.
Walking through as much as I could, I was breathing easier once again. And after releasing the feelings to my Higher Power, I slept somewhat restlessly.
The next morning I felt off center and while the horizons within were expanded, the edges still felt serrated. Sitting in meditation helped, where I also prayed and turned things over again. EFT was a tremendous blessing. If you struggle with difficult emotions or health issues I highly recommend learning about tapping!
Lessons learned about anger:
- My anger is my responsibility. The stories I tell myself about why I’m angry only keep me stuck in it.
- Judgment about anger can be more damaging than the emotion itself. By judging we often try to suppress what we’re feeling.
- Suppressing anger is like compressing a spring. It may make the anger seem smaller, and this is only temporary. Eventually it’s going to spring back up.
- Foods I like to eat when I’m angry are chewy or gummy, like gum or gummy bears. When I’m frustrated I like crunchy, like chips. These are warning signs that I’m suppressing, as is forceful sighing. Oh, and impatience at the littlest things…
- Anger is the fuel for change. It can transform us into vehicles for positive changes as anger is part of the spark behind our passions. If we were happy about everything we wouldn’t want to change it nor would we be motivated to do so.
- Anger can show us where a boundary has been violated.
- The one person for whom I hold the most anger and unforgiveness is myself.
- Giving ourselves permission to feel angry and being willing to forgive ourselves and any other trespassers will help get us unstuck.
- Being angry and acting on that anger are two separate things, if we allow it to be.
- Letting go and letting our Higher Power step in can be a tremendous relief. Asking for the situation or our perspective to change gives our Higher Power permission to act.
- Holding onto anger only truly hurts the one holding it (meaning it only hurts me when I am holding onto or suppressing it).
- Suppressed anger can separate and prevent feeling love or compassion for oneself or even another; this keeps us further separated.
- Forgiveness and gratitude also help to unlock the gripping effects of suppressed anger. They open our hearts and shine light on the situation.
For me, anger was something I saw as scary, overwhelming and dangerous growing up. It was easier to suppress it than to feel or show it. I also believe that I was socialized to believe that anger wasn’t an acceptable emotion. Now I see how much it hurts me to hold it in, and how it keeps me stuck.
By allowing my anger, without judging or suppressing it, I give myself permission to change my perspectives, my life circumstances and to follow the path of my life purpose; my passion.
A good friend shared a fantastic paradigm shift with me today. To see myself as a superhuman who is able to act (and feel) in no set particular way. It’s okay to make mistakes! That’s how we learn…and teach.
May you begin to find some peace today in allowing your anger. Emotions are energy, they are here to help us to move and be moved. When we judge and suppress them, we set ourselves up for dis-ease. Let’s change that, shall we?!
Please seek professional help if your inclination is to harm yourself or others.