Asking for What You Desire 

Affirmations are instructions for what you want to bring into your life. 

Our thoughts affirm to The Universe and The Creator what we want. We are magnets and what we think and feel brings to us all that we receive. It can be hard to accept this responsibility for one’s thoughts.

What are we affirming in our lives today? In other words, what thoughts do you have that are creating what you’re receiving in your life? 

Focused intent on what we want brings us our desires. 

Scattered, foggy and wishy-washy thinking brings us just that. 

Focus. Redirect. Love from the heart. This is where your life can have a new start…


Image: google 

We are What We Think 

Our thoughts about ourselves and our world create our reality. Just as goal-oriented people and athletes envision the successful completion of a goal or event, we too must envision the goals we would like to achieve. Just as taking a cross-country trip involves seeing our destination so that we can take the steps to get there, seeing and feeling who we want to be allows us to take the steps to live that dream. 

Everything in life is first created in the mind. The device through which you are receiving this message most likely didn’t exist 5-10 years ago. It was first a concept, then a series of drafts and somewhere there was a proto-type and beta testing. The point here is that before we can live the reality, we first create it in our minds. It is crucial, however, to understand all aspects of the mind: the conscious parts are easy, the unconscious ones can be a challenge. To understand our shadow aspects helps us to create more and more from a greater state of awareness, instead of from a state of denial. 

Believing is Seeing. 

For so many years I told myself that I was fat and I became just that: fat. By feeling and telling myself how terrible I was, I became my own worst enemy; the one that I created.

So what are you telling yourself about you and your world? How can you begin to shift your focus onto what you do want in your life so that you can create action steps to become that person? 

Go forth into your greatness! By seeing and believing in it first.

Believing it to See it

What we believe can block us or give us power. Mentally imaginining and believing we can succeed boosts our results. Research studies show where participants in the study group, who spent time imagining success as well as practicing their skills, outperformed those in the control groups who only performed physical skills drills. What this means is believing in our own success helps increase the chances that we’ll see it. Another concept here is that we get what we focus on.

So where are your beliefs in failure stopping your growth? Furthermore, how can you now begin to believe in and take actions towards your new path? The power to create is in your own hands and in your ability to believe you can live it. Believe in you. Imagine it. Live it. Today. What are you waiting for?


Image: Google 

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These….

A dear friend recently reminded me that I need to write the story to bring a solid partnership into my life. While she first said this over a month ago, it has only been in the last week or so that I finally came to a place where I believed that I am both worthy and capable of having such a partnership.  So here goes, I’ll make a wish as I blow out the candle. 🔥

What I’m sharing here is my vision of my dream partner and our relationship. I know all too well that discord is a necessary part of growth, that relationships require work, and that one person/relationship cannot fulfill all aspects outlined here all of the time. So allow a girl to at least dream…deal?!

The most important quality of this relationship is that when we are together, we feel at home. While we each carry this quality individually, the internal home fires glow more brightly when we are together. As such, we are an anchor of support for one another; a well-grounded type of home base. 

While we are comfortable in our respective skins as well as ourselves as individuals, we can share more of ourselves with the other than we can with any other person. In this way we are best friends. The following traits and qualities help support the partnership.

Characteristics of the relationship:

  • Passionate & Loving. Physical affection is a very important component; it’s truly the best gift for me to receive and to give.
  • A love of learning & teaching; we “Geek out” on overlapping and individual topics. 
  • Erotic/sensual with an openess to exploration. I am doubting my desire to be monogamous long-term. Unsure what this entails for the future – polyamory or just a sexually open relationship…so being open is important for more deeply exploring boundaries.
  • Unmasked. A willingness & desire to be vulnerable even if mostly behind closed doors. 
  • Expressive. We are able to effectively communicate, which includes listening, while exploring emotional, mental and spiritual realms. At times, this includes non-verbal communication, an inner knowing that may not have an explanation.
  • Multi-faceted with a willingness to share different dimensions together.
  • Humanitarian. Working together to help others to better themselves while also looking within to better ourselves, respectively.
  • Free-spirited. Allows for growth, exploration and some level of independence. Now that I’m free, there’s no going back to being tethered, manipulated nor controlled…outside of the “bedroom” that is. 😉
  • Trusting and trustworthy. Honesty is implied. 
  • Physically active and “on the go” at least part of the time. Chillin’ can also be therapeutic.
  • Accountable. We hold each other to higher levels of potentiality.
  • Creative. Required for exploration, whether done together or apart. 
  • Humility with a sense of humor. It is required that we be able to joke one another. 
  • Compassionate. We understand that even the best intentions can be frought with human error. Forgiveness is a huge part of this…
  • Respectful. We don’t always agree, and can still be respectful of the others differences.
  • Resilient. Able to withstand change, pressure and remains true even when put to the test. This takes 2. 

Balanced, the ways in which we offer variation for one another:

  • His Boyish innocence to my practicality.
  • His Dominant to my submissive & vice versa (though we can switch or be neutral from time-to-time)
  • His Protectiveness to my nurturing 
  • Seductive. He is a great kisser whose hands are drawn like magnets to my body. For me, feeling desired is such a huge component to my sexuality (note: as it is for most women). Yet he also gives me the space to be the seductress.

Individual characteristics:

  • Kid-friendly, without wanting more of his own this factory is closed 😉
  • He is a gentleman & doesn’t just play one on TV. 
  • He is intelligent (degrees are not necessary) “Make love to her mind and her body will surely follow.”
  • Somewhat cocky, like salt though, too much can ruin the soup
  • He is 6’2″ or taller (a 5’8.5″ girl can dream, so he’s still taller than me when I’m in my 4″ platform stilettos 👠)
  • He has a truck that’s big enough for me to be challenged to drive…and I know how to drive a stick (my beloved Jeep is a 6-speed, after all…).There may just be a double-entendres or two right there.
  • He has a somewhat muscular build, though without spending most of his spare time in the gym. Icing on the top is for him to look like Tom Welling (again, a girl can dream)
  • Tattoos are also awesome, yet not mandatory 

Here is an excellent summary from a recent card reading: Dutiful, diligent and devoted to a job well done –these are the characteristics of the mature man who is committed to working hard on your behalf and will help you find the answers you seek to your problems (remember, this is a card reading). Don’t be afraid to trust this man. While he may appear to have the head of a dreamer and the heart of a wanderer, beneath that restless spirit lies a deep commitment to humanity and an ocean’s worth of love to offer the right partner.

Interestingly, the queen of the same suit seems to describe me and also appeared in the reading: The woman highlighted in this matter is an achiever who is dedicated, hard-working, and steadfast in her objectives. When an important job needs to be done, she is the one to do it. While she is a visionary at heart and can tend to be swept away by her ideals, she can be practical and pragmatic about life as well. The matter in question will soon take on a new direction through the efforts of such a woman.

So be it.

Image: Hubble & google 

The Dancer

This is a song I plan to feature in an upcoming post. It may say more than even my work…though I don’t believe I need love to save me as Harvey seems to indicate here, the majority of her lyrical poetry is still fitting. (I am becoming more and more of my own superhero, after all.)

So from one poet to another, the beauty of PJ Harvey. Too bad her climax isn’t real…

The Dancer by PJ Harvey

He came riding fast like a phoenix out of fire flames

He came dressed in black with a cross bearing my name

He came bathed in light and the splendor and glory

I can’t believe what the lord has finally sent me
He said dance for me, fanciulla gentile

He said laugh awhile, I can make your heart feel

He said fly with me, touch the face of the true God

And then cry with joy at the depth of my love
‘Cause I’ve prayed days, I’ve prayed nights

For the lord just to send me home some sign

I’ve looked long, I’ve looked far

To bring peace to my black and empty heart
Ah, ah, ah

Ah, ah, ah, aaaaaah !
My love will stay ’till the river bed run dry

And my love lasts long as the sunshine blue sky

I love him longer as each damn day goes

The man is gone and heaven only knows

‘Cause I’ve cried days, I’ve cried nights

For the lord just to send me home some sign

Is he near ? is he far ?

Bring peace to my black and empty heart

So long day, so long night

Oh Lord, be near me tonight

Is he near ? is he far ?

Bring peace to my black and empty heart.



__/|\__ Metta


Woman v Series by Ax: Reflections

Many probably have probably wondered, including Ax, how I have been able to connect with Ax’s Woman v Series so deeply. The answer is that so much of what Ax expresses is also what I seek. In seeing Woman iv/v first of all of his pieces, I saw the vision of a man who was expressing how I so desire to be seen. To be loved and appreciated for myself in all of my aspects: shadow and persona, is so much about what my blogs are about. As I did not want my own desires to disturb the power of Ax’s poetry, I showed my reflections more subliminally by including linked related poems and essays in a muted way.

This has been an awakening process for me, sometimes painfully, particularly on Valentine’s Day. While I agree that February 14th is a Hallmark Holiday, and I would prefer to be showered with love the other 364 days of the year; I still did not want to go out much that day as a result of the reminders of feeling left out.

Ax, you gifted me your trust and confidence by granting me an “all access pass” to the Woman v Series; making yourself vulnerable to me and I am grateful, eternally. This was a very new and special experience; for a man to trust me on an emotional level is not something I am accustomed to. From this, I have been able to gain new understandings on so many levels.

Prior to this series based on cultural views & my own experiences, I have often believed that it was improbable, if not impossible, for a man to desire Love unconditionally (yes, I now laugh at me, too). From this limited perspective, men were tanks; heavily armored moving fortresses that fired first, lest they reveal the softness of their hearts. Theirs was a path of conquering and destruction, or isolation. Perhaps these men did not seek for harm, but were just tactically offensive preferring to fire first vs being fired upon. It was generally me who was left to pick up the broken pieces; so often ghosted, it seems my magnet’s m.o. to attract it.

Ultimately, tank men are mirrors for me. Showing where I have heavily guarded myself and rarely trusted (submission never before a thought in my life’s mission). All my life I believed a man could not love me for me, especially without raping me of my body or harvesting my energy. Hence my heavily guarded and controlling ways; tank men were my own reflection.

Interesting that, as a tank, I see parts of my journey militarily. I describe my spiritual surrender as standing down. Then I find analogy between my spiritual journey and storming the beaches of Normandy in Operation: Overlord. With my strong warrior self-identification I have been puzzled by my new found desire to be submissive. Through this work, I had a wonderful epiphany that I shared in submission understood.  So here I am with a greater understanding of myself through Ax’s work. It has been an amazing journey!

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ― Rumi

Thus by connecting more deeply with this series, I have connected more deeply with myself, my desires and my understanding of man’s needs. I did not believe that men wanted or needed for love. While I had begun to see this differently through raising a son, he remains quite young and thus I have not connected him with the energy of a man. By understanding that men need & want for Love, I am healing the misconceptions that have love-blocked me.

Thank you, again, Ax for your gifts of trust and access. I almost deep-sixed this project before it was born and am so glad I did not. I have gained so much from this and I believe you have, too. Regardless of whether I am the Goddess you seek or not, in being able to connect with one another so deeply and openly, we are helping each other to heal the parts of ourselves that are love-blocked. In so doing we cleanse our own magnets to attract to ourselves the anima and animus that we each so desire, respectively.

Woman v Series by Ax with Commentary

Other related essays and poems to Woman v:
Lover, I am Here
Offerings for Your Altar
your essence, your presence
Reblog: Give Me a 100-Proof Love or Nothing At All


image: google


Woman v/v: At Home Again

Woman v/v
by Ax

Beneath a canopy symbolic of my heart,
held to breast, the beating sound pounds,
as life from within seeping across holds dear,
the woman in my dream so near.

Side by side to walk and run under moon or sun,
through rain or shine her comfort is mine,
where she will find a place provided,
in my care undivided.

In the presence of life outside our castle,
would be the essence of a devoted couple,
lead by my courage to protect,
showing all her worth of my respect.

Behind closed doors in a humble abode,
stripped of rags that hang off flesh and bone,
exposing the desire of two hearts that are free,
melting into a blissful menage a vie.

A woman, a mother, a lover, mates the soul,
when restraints are placed to submit in whole,
collared in leather snapping the lock closed,
allowing her pleasure to surrender to my hold.


The stanza structure continues to consist of four lines each with a rolling, wave-like form that matches the flow of words and the poet’s loss of rigidity from i and ii.

Here the poet comes out of his shell, seeing the woman of his dreams so close. He gifts his lover his heart, his shelter, his protection and his affection. She is his soul mate and meets his needs for nurturing, by the end she gifts to him her submission. He protects her, while she nurtures him. Together they dance, free to be their own yet together as soul mates.

There is the hint of the fairy tale romance in “our castle,” yet what the poet describes is more of a consummate versus romantic love with displays of commitment, passion and intimacy . The two are stripped bare in their humble abode, fully transparent to one another within their space, their place of love. Together they are home. Even in bad weather they are side-by-side. This speaks to the energy of soul ascension through the activation of the twin flame; healing in their unification and balancing of one another.

He desires only her and sees her for all of her Divine aspects: woman, mother, lover, soul mate. She is venerated and respected for all that she is by him. There is an implied reciprocation in her submission. Through her, he is no longer lost nor hiding, but found. He is now at home with himself, while together they make a home of unconditional Love; any time of day, in any weather – regardless of the condition, thus unconditional.

In collaring her, owning and controlling her, she entrusts him with her safety; gifting submission. Hers is the desire to be desired and to please him. In playing the scene, she releases her inhibitions and burdens. In bondage, she becomes more free. He loves and respects her for the strength in her vulnerability. His reward is her complete trust in him as a provider who understands her needs. Through the D/s relationship, they live in the present, balanced and complete; both complimentary where they differ in qualities. Quite a lovely conclusion to the series; the poet is at home with his Goddess on all levels while she reciprocates.


Much gratitude, Ax, for allowing me to experience how a man views and loves a woman through your work. It was an amazing and sometimes breath-taking experience. I hope that I have done your poetry even an ounce of justice.
Tomorrow, I will post how this experience affected me personally.


Lyrics to “I’m Yours/Somewhere Over the Rainbow” wrap up this series into a neat little bow. While I had planned to use” target=”_blank”>”islands” by the xx all along, after hearing the featured song by coincidence I was struck by the strong correlations between the series and the lyrics. Here I tie the series to the lyrics:

Woman i: Wishing Upon a Star His Goddess is born by him wishing upon a star. 
Woman ii: A Closer View The poet cannot wait to claim his fate
Woman iii: The Melding I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted
Woman iv: In Living Colour is seen easily in the rainbow and I’m yours
Woman v: Home Again is from the silently implied lyric there is no place like home from the film, The Wizard of Oz.

Woman v Series by Ax with commentary

Related essays and poems:
I want (a tall order)
Sacred Geometry of the Divine Union
Being a Superhero (to save myself)
The Submission & submission understood

__/|\__ Metta

The Very Thing I Want Scares Me

The very thing I want,
to me is so fucking scary.

To breathe life into something that is bigger than me.
To be valued & to value someone that is True.
To be truly held & to hold truly.
To be told & to tell Him there is more to do to be better; yet to be Loved and to Love for who We are right now; today; in this moment.

To be held & to hold within sacred heart spaces; Our most protected places.
To be naked before Him & to see His matched vulnerability; yet each to be venerated for it.
To be treasured and to treasure the very things for which We were previously shunned.
To be fully trusted & to fully trust.
To be desired for & to desire for a special man; one matched & balanced flame. No shame, no blame.

These desires bring flowing tears to my eyes.
For to have this would be such a prize,
Yet as much as I desire to run to it,
in equal measure I want to run from it all.

It seems so much easier to just hide than to take a chance on this ride.
I want to shield myself from the Sun of your love,
lest you see all of my flaws…
Leaving me to burn, once again, all alone.

Related poem: Vampire Skin

__/|\__ Metta


image: google

Seeing Double: Another Twin

Freaky Deaky Twilight Zone Activity. The more work I do to love myself more fully, the more people who come into my life that are like me. Law of Attraction? Mirror work?! Twin Flame activation? I don’t know, but I keep finding more twins…This is one of the amazing things that happened for me yesterday:

I met a woman and within 15 minutes of shaking hands for the first time we were gushing over each other and practically disrobing to show off our tattoos! It was not what you think, dirty minds! Though I would have thought the same, too…

She showed me how she used ink to hide her varicose veins and stretch marks. I’ve been jonesing for more ink, and never imagined using my belly as a canvas to hide my “tiger stripes” from two extra bloated pregnancies. Even better, she knows an excellent tattoo artist! I thought I had died and gone to Heaven.

What lead to this unfolding? We quickly established some amazing commonalities!

Here’s a manifest, a list of things in common (interesting to note all of the ones and double ones):

  • Both 5’8″
  • Brown eyes, brown hair
  • Weight loss in same time frame: ~56 lbs (no shit)
  • Current weight: 11 lbs apart and 11 lbs each from our goal weights.
  • Clothing size: the same (I’m predominately mesomorph so weigh more at same size)
  • Age: 11 years apart
  • Nose pierced: Left nostril (one of the first things we noticed)
  • Tattoos: loved and displayed
  • We are both the first born children
  • Children: 1 Boy & 1 Girl each; hers are twins in opposite order
  • Shoe size: 1 size apart
  • We see ourselves as butterflies, our daughters are fairies
  • Favorite colors: Purple and Black
  • Favorite foods: tuxedo strawberries
  • Foods that harm: carbohydrates
  • Brazillians: both recently  de-virginized!

I was able to appreciate myself more fully “in the mirror” through her! To see in her many of the changes to my own life and body through meeting this woman, I was able to have a greater appreciation for myself. Fucking amazing!

Oppositions We had to balance out somewhere!

  • Pet preference: hers is cats, mine dogs
  • Sports: She loves football, I could leave it to never return.

The coolest part? Her physician sang beautiful praises of me, thusly complimenting my physical twin fully! Obviously, she is a soul mate for me: I do not believe all soul mates are lovers. Another post for another day.

She gave me permission to tell of our meeting.

More Twilight Zone Activity: Later in the same day I met another amazing woman and I need to get her permission to share her story; her life is miraculous and I rarely cry when in the clinic and there were a few times I lost voice control when talking with her about her story while choking back tears. I had to fight hard to keep it together…

__/|\__ Metta

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