Becoming a Best Friend

Everyone needs a best friend, someone to turn to when life gets tough and someone with whom to celebrate the good stuff. Friends can come and go, moving to new places, having their own life changes or even passing on. The one person we know that is with us from birth to death is our own selves. Yet, how many of us are friends with ourselves, much less our own best friends?

It can be a challenge to see ourselves in this light, as we can see into our own depths. We know our own darkest secrets and thoughts. And we judge ourselves for it to no end. However, if our own best friend were to confess to us their own “sins,” we would most likely forgive them. Yet we often hold ourselves to the highest standards and repeatedly beat ourselves down for not meeting them.

It is time to break these habits of self-reprisal. It is time to put down the arms and begin to give ourselves the grace, compassion and love that we so easily dispense to others. Perhaps one of the easiest ways to do this is to see ourselves as innocent babies, ones who are here to love and to be loved.

Love didn’t hurt you. Someone who didn’t know how to love hurt you. Don’t confuse the two. ~ Tony Gaskins, Jr.

We can continue this practice into present day by forgiving ourselves for how we have trespassed against ourselves. We can then become aware of what ways in which we punish ourselves. Then we can choose differently by granting ourselves just a little bit more grace, love and compassion.

By feeling into the places where we don’t feel loved, we can begin to heal the wounds within. It is here that we are learning to become our own best friends.

Heart Meditations to Heal Thyself


Opening the Capacity to Love

Each of us has an infinite capacity to love.
Yet we put rocks, sand and baubles in our jars
Out of fear, out of pain
Blocking our ability to fully receive
And acknowledge the vastness of our own greatness

Allowing the stories we’ve told ourselves
about why we cannot love
Gives them further solidity
Occluding from within the flow of love.

This truly is a labor of love,
Literally and figuratively.
For to clear the congestion,
these objections to love
Is to remove them, to inspect them,
To feel them, and allow them simply
To be, this is the lesson of love they were
Meant to be.

It is always our choice to see.


images: Google


Stopping the Insanity of Dating

At a young age, I fell in love with the concept of love. I believed that to be in love with a man meant that all of my problems would go away. The knight in shining armor was a frequent fantasy of mine, though, he was rarely wearing armor in my mind. Ironically, it turns out that in reality the men I’ve been romantically involved with have had armor that was hidden, just below the surface. And so did I. 

When I decided that I wanted to end my marriage nearly 3 years ago, I believed that I would seamlessly walk out of his arms and into the arms of the “man of my dreams.” It’s great for me that this did NOT happen. For starters, I’d not have created this blog (today is my 2-year anniversary blogging, by the way!). Secondly, I would have just made the same damn mistakes that I made in my marriage; because I still hadn’t learned to love and respect myself. Thirdly, I would never have discovered that the love that I have been seeking all along has always been in my own heart. Finally, I never would have trusted in my own love. I did not believe that my love was enough, so I sought it in others.

I see now where I was running around, panhandling for love, seeking to put a few coins into my mostly empty cup. To seek that love and meeting of needs from someone else has only left me feeling disappointed, resentful, hurt and depleted. It is also crazy-making to seek from others something they can never truly give if they themselves feel broken or inadequate. Broken hearts only create more broken hearts. Hurt people hurt people.

So at 41, I’ve decided that I’m done with having a broken heart. I’ve decided that I’m over sorting through potential dating partners through on-line dating, or searching faces in a crowd for “him.” I’ve decided that I don’t want to waste any more of my life looking for something “out there” that is really within me. Only I can love myself the way that I need to be loved. Only I truly know my own needs enough to meet them fully.

The path to this decision has been tumultuous, unsteady and at times damn right frustrating. Now that I am here, I have a sense of peace and release that I have never experienced before. This decision has freed me to be myself more than ever before. This decision to stop dating, to stop beseeching, to stop putting myself in situations where I put my heart, and sometimes sanity, on the line has lead me to a new discovery; the well of my heart runs more deeply than I ever could have imagined.

While I still believe that there exists a “man of my dreams” and that I will meet him one day, it is imperative that until then, that I fill my own cup. If he is truly the man of my dreams, he is learning to do the same for himself.

Cheers to filling our own cups! Cheers to filling our own hearts with the very things we seek from others: Love and Acceptance. May we each find the peace and love within that we deserve, no longer only seeking it from others.



Love is the Answer

We seek out Love in others in the form of affirmations, acceptance, intimacy and affection; to name just a few. Yet this Love cannot truly fill our needs. It is but a band-aid over our greater need. 

The challenge is seeing that we each hold in our own hands the chalice of Love. It is our own purpose to fill our own chalice with our own love. We each have a unique energy that is required for us, as individuals, to heal. Seeking love from others, in objects, our careers, our status or Social Media outlets just keeps us running from the truth: our own love is the best salve for any wound. Anything else is mere imitation. If we cannot love ourselves, we don’t trust the love of others.

To move up in life, it’s important to propel ourselves forward with hearts filled with more love than fear; more patience than impatience; more compassion than apathy; more trust than distrust. The Love that starts from within is the answer. Even loving “the suck” is imperative….

How today, and everyday, can we each add something to our own cups? 


Love at The Core & Bridges NaPoWriMo13

Bridges are lifelines; a connection.
They are gateways to new worlds;
a transition.

Bridges are filled with secret mysteries.
They both frighten and fascinate me.
Travelers on them, travel with vulnerability.

Bridges are communication between lands.
Yet so often we take them for granted.
Until the connection is broken or blocked.


As I walked the beach this week,
I marveled more than my usual
at the beauty of a local bridge.

Even bridges need support,
the pilings whisper
as I take their picture.

Yet so often travelers overlook
the support from below.
Like the bridge, we are fully supported.

The key we so often miss,
is the heart at the core, our nucleus.
We push, when all we need to do is exist
within this nucleus.

When we can be with the purity
at the center, it changes the nature
of the electron field.

We draw to ourselves based on
what we allow at the core.
Our actions, when driven from here
keep the motor moving.


Go now and live in your own Heart’s center.
There you will find all answers.
Cleanse your magnet, attracting more others
Who speak your language, fluently.

It’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
Each piling relies on the others to do its job.
Interdependence helps win this game called life. 

Be connected in Love, through your heart.
Not your mind, this is the most important part.
Love for Love’s sake.

It is here where you will find your wholeness
always existed. 


Miriam at Out and About has a post about bridges that I feel fits nicely into this theme of seeing life differently.

Images: author

I send love… NaPoWriMo5

I send love
on the wind
to hearts broken.

I send love
on a whim
to loves lost.

I send love
to him the one
who believes I can soar.

I send love
to all of them
who have left my door.

I send love
to those crying
out in pain.

I send love
to those crying
from their shame.

I send love
to all hearts

I send love
that is golden
when I feel most pure.

I send love
to the one
whose unseen hand
supports my movements,
who understands that emotions
are weathered like any storm
knowing the sun shines forevermore
at each moment on some part of the World.

I send love.
I am that I am.
No need now for further explanation.


It’s Time to Wake Up

Many of us are hibernating our greatness inside the shells of our fears. It is time to wake up to our greatest potential. Open your heart and mind to yourself. Love the hurts. Love the many faces and facets of yourself that have hurt and that have been hurt. Allow the past to be the past. Be willing to forgive others and yourself for any trespasses. Look into your shadow and love each bit of you as much as you can. The more you can love you the more you can be compassionate with others. 

Love the parts of you that get irritated when you see something amiss in another. Unconditional love is what we’re going for here. 

Release the conditions of your own parole. Release the conditions of the bondage of your soul. 

Be willing to wake up and be vulnerable. Guarding and hiding is no longer serving humanity. It’s time to wake up. Let slip off the shell of your fears. 

When you begin to ask yourself “what is wrong with me?,” change perspective and instead ask “What is it that’s trying to break through in me? What is it that’s trying to emerge?” The former closes your heart and the latter helps to keep it open. This leads you to the next level of awareness and creativity instead of holding you back in the slumber of fears. 

For the sake of humanity, wake the eff up and learn to love the person in the mirror. It starts with you! ❤️

mixed desires

the desire to be desired,
yet not be used or consumed.
~the desire to speak my truth.

the desire to be trusting & vulnerable
yet not to be abused.
~the desire to please you.

the desire to meet you,
yet to myself remain true.

Love Your Inner Freak

We have been taught all of our lives to hide our greatest and “unwanted” aspects. Maybe even as adults we discover new aspects of ourselves that we then feel we must hide, even from ourselves. Love is accepting ourselves, our eccentricities and our messiness even in the face of seeming rejection. 

Blocking love to our inner freak keeps us stuck in a civil war of constant pain and suffering. In Civil War, no one wins.  When we reject ourselves there is nowhere to flee. It is then that we seek external stimuli and addictions to distract ourselves; sometimes we seek validation from others, another form of addiction

The willingness to keep practicing love, faith and self-care tools, even when it’s tough, can be the difference between folding or flying. Healing is about removing the obstacles to our love and loving ourselves in spite of our seeming freakiness. 

Agape to you


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