Dancing Through Sadness

For several hours, I moped around like Eeyore. Thoughts like a broken record circled my mind, it seemed the sadness and grief that gripped my heart would surely cause it to cease pumping.

The backstory could have been anyone’s. Yet what I did next may seem novel. I played sappy love songs to pull out the pain. Then, I got up from the couch, rather reluctantly, and began to tap one foot. My heart was tired of the weight of the sadness and knew dancing would help. It just took my mind and body a song or two to thaw out.

After 20 minutes of increasing movement, I had gone from toe tapping to boody-shakin’ and arms-in-the-air full body dancing. This is the best part: my heart, mind and body all felt light again and literally after 20 minutes. Now I’m asking myself, “What took you so long to shake and move it?” 😉

I wish I could take credit for the idea behind this, but it is not my own. Several months back during a session with my life coach, Sam, she suggested that I dance every day until our next session. While initially reluctant yet receptive, dancing became a necessity that got me through some rather tough emotional times.

While my regimen has fallen back to several times a week, it was so helpful to keep me more even-keeled when I danced a daily basis…

I strongly encourage everyone to find a favorite tune and shake it out. Happy or sad. Angry or not. It can be immediately mood altering and uplifting. Given time, it becomes life altering.

Namaste

image: google

February 1, 2018 11

Be Yourself: Spiral Out & Keep Going

The song Lateralus by Tool sings to the depths of my soul. Not only is Maynard James Keenan a lyrical and musical genius (see YouTube, below), he also captures in a very simple and meaningful way the process of spiritual birth and growth in this one, very beautiful and poetic song.

From the “black and white” conscience of unawakened duality to a budding awareness where one begins to see in colors and from a broader more spiritual and accepting perspective, MJK covers all bases eloquently. From overthinking and the separation of the body from the mind, to using One’s intuition while spiraling and reaching out into new realms and dimensions; opening to infinite possibilities. MJK encourages us to reach outside the box. Pretty effing amazing in my humble opinion.

Halfway through the song, Maynard’s lyrics encourage us to feel the rhythm, be connected and fathom the beauty. To me, this speaks to our need to find our own individual voices: to follow whatever will bewilder and inspire us.

If we cannot speak with our own voices then we are not being true to ourselves nor to any other human being. Embrace your divinity & still be a human. Find your voice and speak it. Sing it, be it.

So here I raise a toast to each of us to “spiral out, keep going & push the envelope, watch it bend.” So be it!

Many thanks to MJK for his willingness to follow his voice, spiral out and share both his humanity and divinity with us.

Namaste’

Images: Google

March 14, 2017 5

Overcoming Procrastination: Lose Yourself

The more we push off doing something for “later,” the more we build up a wall that then needs to be broken down. Pressure builds with each moment that we avoid doing something that we know will help us in some way. As such procrastination is also a passive-aggressive way to block love from ourselves.

Sometimes a perspective shift such as in “Motivation Through Punishment?” can be helpful. I find that “should” and “ought”statements build shame and guilt. So when I say to myself things such as “I really should/ought/need to do (this task),” that I often don’t want to even think about it.

What I have found that works better for me is to say, “It will help me to do (this task). I will feel better once I get started.” So often we wait and hold off doing something because we feel we need: more time, more energy, more motivation. Just as we need to push a button or turn the key in our car’s ignition, to “get motivated” we need to start with action. If we waited for the car to start itself, we’d never get anywhere in life.

Another aspect that can cause procrastination involves the belief that what we do needs to be perfect. Even just one tiny step towards starting a project can help break down barriers, allow room for mistakes. It’s better to start a walking program that lasts ten minutes than to couch surf and expect a change.

Sometimes we also tell ourselves, or make ourselves believe, that we must do the entire project at once. Commit to a small time frame instead. “I’ll do 20 minutes a day today and get this thing started,” can take off some of the pressure. After 20 minutes, you can then choose to continue, or you can set a time frame for another day or time, then stick to it!

The longer we wait, the more walls build and then we need to break down. Loving yourself is not just about breaking down walls, it’s also about not allowing yourself to continue to build barriers. So today, and everyday, let’s “lose ourselves” in the moment, you own it, you better never let it go. While I do believe we have more than one chance to get it right (even Eminem in this very song talks about trying again, and again), we only fail ourselves when we fail to try.

So what step can you take today to start a project? Write it down. Make it simple. Then do it! And remember to celebrate climbing the mountain you’ve created. You’ll love yourself more for it.

Namaste

Photo courtesy of suphakit73 at freedigitalphotos.net

September 6, 2016 27

Up for the Downstroke ~ Cultivating Happiness

Doing the same thing everyday becomes monotonous quickly and creates dissatisfaction.

Creating new ways to do the routine things in life adds some spice and warms the heart.

Yesterday, while I made my breakfast, I played “Up for the Downstroke” by Parliament. Though I pan-scrambled my eggs the same way I do everyday, damn, if they didn’t taste better. I think it was all the hip shaking, sliding and gliding I did while I was making them. Now I have the weekend to practice my grooves before my kids are here to witness my new routine…shaking it!

Today (and everyday) I encourage you to find a new way to bring happiness into your life. After all, happiness is truly an inside job.

Now dance like no one is watching and get up for the downstroke, that’s an order!

Image: Google

August 26, 2016 16

Parabola: All this Pain is an Illusion

Music is a potion and elixir for me. Maynard James Keenan’s (MJK) work with Tool, A Perfect Circle and Puscifer have been incredibly helpful for me beginning over 20 years ago. I have listened often to MJK in the past two years while recovering the pieces of myself following years of self-abuse and the “bottoming out” following the demise of my marriage.

I fully recognize the resistance you may feel in reading that pain is an illusion. When we are experiencing pain it can be all consuming and all encompassing at the time. Physical pain can often be easier to feel that emotional, or worse, spiritual pain. When we surrender in the moment, we can find that our pain begins to subside.

“All this pain is an illusion” is found in the songs Parabol & Parabola by Tool. These two songs are incredibly powerful and are best listened to consecutively, as the lyrics for the songs mirror one another.

While in Parabol one feels like one is descending with the decrescendo of the music, in Parabola, the music seems to be an ascension. Both songs are from the album Lateralus, which is based on the Fibonnacci sequence.

These two songs, I realize, are very much in alignment with my descent and ascension from the abyss that I experienced this week. I hope you enjoy the music, at the very least the lyrics.

Praise to Maynard James Keenan, you’re a fucking Genius! See you in April!!!

Parabol
by Tool

So familiar and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now.
Embracing you, this reality here,
This one, this form I hold now, so
Wide eyed and hopeful.
Wide eyed and hopefully wild.

We barely remember what came before this precious moment,
Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside…
This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in
This body makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion.

Parabola
by Tool

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment
We are choosing to be here right now
Hold on, stay inside…

[Chorus:]This holy reality, this holy experience
Choosing to be here in…
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in…
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion

Alive!

[Chorus]

Twirling round with this familiar parable
Spinning, weaving round each new experience
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing
A chance to be alive and breathing

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember, we are eternal
All this pain is an illusion

Namaste
__/|\__ Ananda & Metta
2016.02.28

Image: MJK google

February 28, 2016 11

Enigma: Puzzling Pieces

Dead Can Dance is one of my favorite musical groups. Eclectic sounds on ancient and varied instruments coupled with the voice of the Diva Lisa Gerrard are just well, fucking amazing. I’ve listened to their music for over half my life now, sometimes I hear the lyrics as if for the first time.

Today, in reflecting on recent life experiences, movies (The Imitation Game: Behind Every Code is an Enigma), posts I have read and created, interactions with other bloggers and the unfolding of my own cryptic, binary, puzzling enigma, this song popped into my mind.

While I prefer Lisa’s voice, the lyrics here are just too poignant for where I have been lately. The desire for truth and intimacy without the facade is so fully expressed in this song…and my lifelong desire to be understood by another, a lover. I can remember this longing as early as the age of 10 (though it probably started at birth, I have few memories of my life before 10 that are positive).

In reading what others are writing lately, I know others can relate to these lyrics.

Dead Can Dance
“The Enigma of the Absolute”

Saloman hung down her head
Laid bare her heart for the world to see.
She craved for intimacy.
Through darkened doors her aspect veiled with indecision, gazed out sea.

She craved lucidity.
Cast adrift from past relationships in her life,
Hoisted up the ideal. This was her saving grace.
Seas of rage that once assailed her concern for the truth

Had passed her by and left her high and dry in her saviours arms.
Across the sea lies the fountain of renewal,
Where you will find the whole cause of your loneliness
Can be measured in dreams that transcend all these lies
And I wish and I pray that there may come a day for a saviours arms.

Namaste
__/|\__ Ananda & Metta
2016.02.27

Image: Google, from searching for Saloman. This image could not be ignored given repeated mental images of the Merkab recently. Interesting that I’m “wrapping” my mind around the various layers of meaning behind annual, the return to the beginning, represented by the ouroboros (the seeing of something for the first time!) Will post more as my understanding unfolds. Sometimes my muse water drips concepts that can be confusing; Grace in action, I suppose.

February 27, 2016 19

Moola Mantra

This is an incredibly healing prayer to the Divine force in Sanskrit. By listening to Deva Premal sing the words, you may find this easier to sing or say in your mind. This album helped me this morning when I was at my lowest.

Saying this mantra 108 times per day, with the help of Mala beads or the Rosary, you will find it helps to clear your mind…and clear the way for more miracles in your life.

Om Satchitananda Parabrahma Purushothama Paramatama

Sri Bhagavati Sametha

Sri Bhagavate Namaha

Oh, Divine Force, Spirit of All Creation, Highest Personality, Divine Presence manifested in every living being, Supreme Soul manifested as the Divine Mother and as the Divine Father, I bow in deepest reverence.

Om = calling of the primal, highest energy
Sat = Existence
Chi = Consciousness
Ananda = Bliss

Parabrhama = Spirit of Creation
Purushothama = Highest Personality
Paramatama = Divine Presence manifested in every living being

Bhagavati = Divine Mother
Sametha = One with

Bhagavate = Divine Father
Namaha = I bow in deepest reverence

The Dancer

This is a song I plan to feature in an upcoming post. It may say more than even my work…though I don’t believe I need love to save me as Harvey seems to indicate here, the majority of her lyrical poetry is still fitting. (I am becoming more and more of my own superhero, after all.)

So from one poet to another, the beauty of PJ Harvey. Too bad her climax isn’t real…

http://youtu.be/Mheqf_pVrYo

The Dancer by PJ Harvey

He came riding fast like a phoenix out of fire flames

He came dressed in black with a cross bearing my name

He came bathed in light and the splendor and glory

I can’t believe what the lord has finally sent me
He said dance for me, fanciulla gentile

He said laugh awhile, I can make your heart feel

He said fly with me, touch the face of the true God

And then cry with joy at the depth of my love
‘Cause I’ve prayed days, I’ve prayed nights

For the lord just to send me home some sign

I’ve looked long, I’ve looked far

To bring peace to my black and empty heart
Ah, ah, ah

Ah, ah, ah, aaaaaah !
My love will stay ’till the river bed run dry

And my love lasts long as the sunshine blue sky

I love him longer as each damn day goes

The man is gone and heaven only knows

‘Cause I’ve cried days, I’ve cried nights

For the lord just to send me home some sign

Is he near ? is he far ?

Bring peace to my black and empty heart

So long day, so long night

Oh Lord, be near me tonight

Is he near ? is he far ?

Bring peace to my black and empty heart.

Namaste

__/|\__ Metta

2016.02.20

February 19, 2016 5

Music & Parenting: Beautiful Day

Frequently a song will suddenly pop into my awareness while going through the paces of daily life. This night was no exception…

May your day be beautiful today and everyday, even when the clouds threaten to take away your light…

As I rubbed my daughter’s back to help lull her into sleep following a tough day of being weather bound, this song was ever present in my mind. It was as if Angels were singing it to remind me how beautiful life can be…and how perception can be everything. A tough pill to swallow when the traffic is stuck and you’re not moving anywhere.

The lyrics repeated through my mind, almost incessantly. Each line I heard resonated more and more. This awareness brought with it a sense of peace as the layers of meaning began to compile.* Within a few heartbeats after this sweetness, Bono’s voice still echoing in my mind, I had a moment of minor crashing.

“Sometimes I wish I could change my name from mom,” I thought when my son called for me loudly from the other room; my daughter just having fallen asleep. It seems, duty is never done. Yet it’s my choice to see it as beautiful…or not. I can see where this sounds bad. It was a long, requiring several WP escapes to keep me sane. (sidebar: here’s a fantastic article about modern parenting: I’m a recovering hovering parent, learning to back off)

It is not always easy to see the beauty in the simplicity of daily life. Slowly, I am learning to ride the waves one at a time, where one can pull me forward while the next crashes over my bow, slowing me down and at times threatening to sink the whole damn thing. It can be a challenge to believe fully “what you don’t have you don’t need it now,” as I often resist this. Awareness is the first step, right?!

Namaste

* The layers include the connections I’ve made on WP. Posts and conversations that were part of the escape time added meaning and potency to the lyrics of this song for me. While all blogs that I read contribute to my growth and awareness, the following had the most impact through their comments and posts that I read on this day, 1/23/16 (check them out if you haven’t already): Beyond the Lyme Life; Kosmogonic; Love Letters Lost at Sea; James Radcliffe; Raines Journal

Photo by Tiffany: Golden Stormy Atlantic @ Rudee Inlet (unedited) 2016

Lyrics to “Beautiful Day”
[edited for emphasis]

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There’s no room
No space to rent in this town

You’re out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you’re not moving anywhere

You thought you’d found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It’s a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

You’re on the road
But you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud
In the maze of her imagination

You’re lovin’ this town
Even if that doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over
And it’s been all over you

It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
It’s a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I’m not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I’m not a hopeless case

What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
Don’t need it now
Was a beautiful day~

January 24, 2016 2