High Ropes & Facing Fears


My heart raced, skipping beats as sweat beads lined my brow. White-knuckled, I grasped the line and kept my balance steady as I looked at the ground 80 feet below me. In the treetops, I was crossing rope bridges, zipping down lines, and mostly facing my fears. All was carefully balanced on the thin wire that I walked with more confidence than I’d ever crossed a solid hardwood floor. Today, I was conquering my fear of heights sitting in a chair and visualizing myself on a challenging high ropes course. 

I did this mental exercise for 2 weeks before the actual climb. In reality, I perspired less than I imagined and my footing was more steady-than-not while I completed two challenging high ropes courses. Along the high, thin paths, I learned some things about myself that would have taken longer to learn on solid ground. “Change rarely happens when we’re comfortable,” says “D,” the man I’m dating. He was my companion on the ropes and his words ring true as I reflect on the many lessons that were highlighted with this adventure.

My fear of heights and falling seem to trace back to witnessing a friend fall while tree-climbing. I was then forbidden to climb. Period. It seems that I then lost my confidence and soon thereafter the fear set in. 

Then, while working with my life coach on expanding my confidence and taking leaps of faith, she and I decided it was time to couple this with a physical challenge. I felt the high ropes course was just what I needed to turn over a new leaf.

“D” was immediately supportive of the challenge. He also helped me in overcoming my fears, at times in unexpected ways. On the way to the course, he taunted me about being scared and knowingly activated my I’ll-prove-you-wrong-stubbornness. It was also helpful that he has had lots of high ropes experience, so his strategic support came in handy several times. He also didn’t let it show when his confidence in me wavered. It was great to have him along as he knew when to push, coach and when to joke or even just let me go.

Beforehand I feared the zips, yet it turns out that the 50- & 80-foot vertical drops and swinging from a rope 80-feet up were my biggest hesitations. “D” was particularly helpful during these more challenging aspects, encouraging me to jump more and hesitate less. Each time I left the ledge with the drops I screamed like a little girl. I had to completely trust the equipment. That was a true challenge for me! 

The adventure also proved to be a lesson in philosophy. During one swinging ropes challenge, “D” said to me as I stepped forward, “Don’t hold onto the things behind you, they can’t help. Reach for things in front of you.” I chuckled and replied that there was a life philosophy in his statement. He agreed. 

In reality, I was not always as graceful as I’d like to have been, at one point relying on my harness to catch me when I became impatient and frustrated with myself. There was some fear during that particular element as there were too many moving parts. I noticed later that I allowed my fear to push me faster. By rushing the process, I set myself up for more errors. I was also afraid to let go of control; to trust the process and my own skills. These high ropes were showing me how I’d been approaching challenges in my own life!

Again, “D” was very helpful in seeing that I was rushing and he would remind me to slow down, to breathe, to take my time, and that there was not any rush. It took me several times to allow his advice to fully sink in, having had such a strong habit of bulldozing my fears and just pushing through to get to the other side. I see now in writing this that I often look to the completion of a task more than the journey. It’s not always about the goal nor the destination…a tough lesson I keep relearning. 

Through and through, it was a really great experience and it was more fun (and only a few times tougher) than I had imagined. I can also see where I could trust more and control less. My impatience with the process got the best of me at times. It’s interesting that I was originally on these high ropes to face my fears of heights and I found other awarenesses, and mostly a greater sense of empowerment; my fear of heights now significantly diminished.

It’s interesting how I’ve learned each of these lessons before. Now I’m learning to apply then to my life in new ways, all by allowing my feet to leave the ground and learning to trust; on oh so many levels.

Namaste

Why “Letting it Go” Can be so Tough

We hear it everywhere, “just let it go.” Yet no one really tells us how to do that. We hold onto our pain and our suffering as if it were a life raft keeping us afloat. We do this mainly because we were never taught how to “let it go.” I mean, if something is causing us pain and we could drop it as easily as “let it go” sounds, don’t you think we’d have done that already?

The irony is that to let something go, we don’t get there by pushing it away or cutting it off. If letting it go is hard it’s because this emotion, this thought, this feeling that we cannot escape is part of us. Lobbing it off is like removing one of our appendages. To understand the pain, we must learn to listen instead of running away or trying to amputate it. Instead, letting it go is about leaning into it. Feeling it. Allowing it. Accepting it.

These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them. ~Rumi

The Gift

Special delivery
Wrapped in gold and silver
Tarnished in time
From Exposure
Layered protection
From the Sun

Unwrapped
Peeling back the layers
Skins shed
Old flesh cast aside
A return of sparkle
Digging deeper

Pay dirt exposed
Naked vulnerability
Polishing cloths reveal
Value never diminished
Worth of self replenished
Shining and gleaming

The Gift
For many years unseen
Camouflaged within the seams
Hidden within a closed heart
Ready to be set free
The Gift, This Gift of God 
is me 

Each life, a gift from the Earth
Meeting the Ethers 
Created in flesh to serve
A purpose, an expression 
Of Greatness
At times lost in layers
Of confusion, delusion 

The value of which
Remains the same
Despite the tarnish
Nor shine of varnish
Each gift is infinite

Namaste

Sometimes we have to trust our way through the darkness to find the light again

So often it is in our darkest hours, when we are ready to give up and throw in the towel, that our faith in something greater is the weakest. When we need our faith the most, we abandon it and we abandon ourselves. Yet it is precisely when we are at our lowest point that we have the greatest potential to leap forward. 

Just as a seed’s roots grow downwards before its shoot reaches skyward, we must root into the darkness to be able to grow upwards. Just as the seed knows where to go to find the sun, we must learn to trust our ability to find the light. 

Namaste 

Opening the Capacity to Love

Each of us has an infinite capacity to love.
Yet we put rocks, sand and baubles in our jars
Out of fear, out of pain
Blocking our ability to fully receive
And acknowledge the vastness of our own greatness

Allowing the stories we’ve told ourselves
about why we cannot love
Gives them further solidity
Occluding from within the flow of love.

This truly is a labor of love,
Literally and figuratively.
For to clear the congestion,
these objections to love
Is to remove them, to inspect them,
To feel them, and allow them simply
To be, this is the lesson of love they were
Meant to be.

It is always our choice to see.

Namaste

images: Google

download

Breaking Relationships

Tapestries frayed with time
don’t hold the same face
held in place
by pure will and strength
afraid to let go
the fear of the unknown:
who? who would replace?

non-severed ties
tug on strings
pulling back together
bumping into things
that smother
where flowers decay
and green shoots wither

it seems like
i’m stuck in “Groundhog’s Day”
where each cycle
leads to the same resolution
just a new revolution
of the clock
circling the same drain

how to break this
circling of caravans,
impending decay,
strings pulling on things,
unwoven tapestries?

Patching broken pieces
back together lovingly
with stitches thrown
from one’s own heart
relinquishing misplaced others,
Knowing another, someone better
indeed does exist.

Main image: google

img_3064