shame – unfiltered from the heart

Insomnia: The Pot of Guilt at The End of My Sleepless Rainbow

For the past few weeks my ability to stay asleep at night has been very much hit-or-miss. I have played with varying bedtimes, reducing my overall caffeine intake and screen/TV times at night, while increasing my night time meditation. I’ve also tried dietary changes including increased magnesium intake (through oil and citrate), and even takingContinue reading “Insomnia: The Pot of Guilt at The End of My Sleepless Rainbow”

Why I didn’t run, though I wanted to…

Trigger warning for sexual abuse and assault survivors. A few weeks ago, I started back to online dating. It was the third “date” with one man and I was still feeling ambivalent about where I saw things with him. So prior to said date I messaged him that I was “not ready for more thanContinue reading “Why I didn’t run, though I wanted to…”

Balancing the Edges: Creation & Destruction

All systems seek balance including our inner and outer selves. We often become unbalanced when we suppress the expression of our hidden, or shadow, aspects. This suppression is learned during the process of being raised, as we are taught to deny parts of ourselves to fit into society. We cut ourselves off from our truestContinue reading “Balancing the Edges: Creation & Destruction”

Activating Grace

With each aspect of ourselves that we embrace, we activate another dose of grace. When we accept that we are doing our very best, given an awareness of all circumstances, we allow ourselves space to be okay with less than absolute perfection. Grace feels like warm sunshine beaming down when the ground is frozen allContinue reading “Activating Grace “

What you say to yourself matters

Take a moment to think back over the last day. If you can, write down a few things that you have repeatedly told yourself about yourself. Is what you are saying to yourself something you would say to a loved one? If it isn’t, let’s talk a little bit more, shall we? Often as childrenContinue reading “What you say to yourself matters”

Overcoming Procrastination: Lose Yourself

The more we push off doing something for “later,” the more we build up a wall that then needs to be broken down. Pressure builds with each moment that we avoid doing something that we know will help us in some way. As such procrastination is also a passive-aggressive way to block love from ourselves. SometimesContinue reading “Overcoming Procrastination: Lose Yourself”

Obligatory Sex

Trigger warning for survivors and cosurvivors of sexual abuse or assault. As a physical therapist who works with (mostly) women with pelvic pain and dysfunction, I am reading “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life” by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. Many of my clients either cannot have sex atContinue reading “Obligatory Sex”

Acquiescence of Suffering: Mother Part II

A Follow Up to “Mother” “Beautiful” played this morning as I drove to work in tears. It seems to be my attempt at balance in this time of deep and painful introspection while I clear. After writing this post, I began to feel relief as I recognized that this clearing that I am doing rightContinue reading “Acquiescence of Suffering: Mother Part II”

Shame to Blame

Oh wow! Amazing realization Came to fruition A shame to blame myself For the actions of others Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Really, WTF?! GTFO! Yet, guilty, all my life It was my fault if YOU did Something bad to me! Walking the thin red line Of being good, of being chaste-like Of being fat and dressingContinue reading “Shame to Blame”

Blame

A head game One misstep Begins head trip Where No one wins Beast awakens Blood-thirsty Eyes set on me Whips Chains Self-flagellation Castigation Pronation Loss of vision Flesh ripping Burning Bleeding Conceding Little girl Blamed For sins Upon own flesh By grown men No one wins Where Head trip begins One misstep A head gameContinue reading “Blame”