The Song of the Sea

Gonna rise up turning mistakes into gold.

Gonna rise up and find my direction magnetically…

Rise by Eddie Vedder

It’s no wonder I must descend into the murky depths for my soul to heal.

When I feel, I feel with each and every fiber of my being; down to the core.

My passion, when I fully allow it, runs rampantly;

a fire wildly coursing through my body.

~~

I needed the depths of the abyss to suffocate

the fire that threatened to me burn down to my subatomics.

In descending into unconsciousness, I was at a loss for words.

Words are not the void’s means of  expression;

instead feelings and images, pain & suffering.

~~

the abyss was the wet blanket I needed,

for my passion was threatening to consume me;

deeply burning from inside out.

the water helped me to avoid over-consumption; burning up to nothing.

in ascending, my fire is more maintainable, less overwhelming.

~~

the treasures are new sight, renewed freedom and a greater sense of peace.

while i was down, i knew it was not forever, i was loved and protected,

being told repeatedly “tomorrow this time, you will be ok”

the still quite voice reminded me, over and over, again and again.

even in the throes of my darkest pain and suffering, i new i would be reborn.

~~

the pain, the suffering, the blindness were all springboards

to a new level of being: happiness with less pain and with greater clarity of vision.

no longer bound by my self-induced prison.

~~

the dark night of the soul, I can now say,

has brought to me brightness in a new way.

my spring has sprung, now ready to face a new day.

~~

i thought i needed a knight, of the darkness or the light

to save me, yet here I am shown again and again,

I am the hero in my own story.

I am the knight, both dark and light.

~~

the daughter of a seemingly absent King Neptune

who magically bestows everything in its Divine time,

who really truly is always there for me, if I but ask nicely.

~~

a lady of the water,

who knows how to breathe, while holding her breath.

knowing that under the water, there is life,

even when walking through the valley of the shadows of death.

~~

the song of the sea; the right song for me

learning to live life more and more authentically.

singing with my voice fully opened,

free to be me; the song of the sea

~~

now i see why she has called to me,

no wonder inland I could not live: I am of the Sea.

now learning to forgive my trespasses

and those who have trespassed against me.

~~~~

Namaste

__/|\__ Ananda & Metta

2016.02.29

Lady of the Water: Keys to Address

As I start to live more and more in my power, I can set why I have feared this.

Where I am going can be filled with great loneliness. 

Rising up from the Abyss has given me great clarity.

For the man who can hold my hand, walking next to me will need a great Will and vast strength. 

A Warrior in his own right.

~~~

In looking at my reflection in the still, living waters,

I see behind me a man who like me has endured great suffering.

Much like the hero in Unbreakable, he has survived what would have killed a mere mortal. 

Yet unlike Unbreakable, water might be a terrible weakness if I am to be your only mistress.

~~

I am a King’s daughter, a Lady of the Water. 

My water runs deeply, supporting and yet sometimes runs too fiercely. 

If you cannot swim in dark emotions, 

then this place by my side may not be yours for the taking, 

For often I stand where the waves are breaking.

~~

It seems the seas I ride are either calm or tsunami level. 

Serene and crystal blue I can bring to you. This is always my goal. 

Yet to get to the Caribbean, sometimes we must pass through the Sargasso Sea, the doldrums of the Horse Latitudes where excess weight is jettisoned. 

Watch closely in the Bernuda Triangle, it can swallow ships whole. 

~~

When I tac, I don’t change direction lightly. 

Wear a life vest, gain your sea legs. 

This vessel goes to great depths, 

You might want to practice holding your breath.

sometimes I dive with little to no warning. 

to trust the deep waters can be a difficult thing in learning.

~~

While I can be life sustaining, 

heed warnings that I can also suffocating and flooding as I learn to modulate my new found energy.

For me, this can be overwhelming,

as I never know where the waters will take me.

~~

Though mostly earth energy, 

so many of my aspects are mutable, 

changeable and ruled by Mercury. 

Quicksilver a metal that is liquid at room temp. 

Communicative, and quick-witted so I won’t put up with too much of your shit without dishing it back, on a silver platter of course.

Heavy and dense this is where I live. 

Metal, yet a liquid, it moves with free will.

~~

So I ask you, do you think you could handle all this?

If you do, I can promise sweet bliss, 

just know it won’t always be as easy as this.

For mine is the path less traveled, unmapped, sometimes seemingly unnavigable. 

Be the ship’s pilot whose faith is beyond the compass, 

outside of your intuition the North Star is the best source for seeking direction. 

For I have a strong feeling that most of the travel may not be in the light, 

instead we may often find ourselves traveling under the cover of night.

~~

If this description fits you, I’ll love it when you call refer to me as “Milady”

~~

Water Category: Depth Finder

Namaste

__/|\__ Ananda & Metta

2016.02.29

Image: Dreamstime

Mission: A Singing Heart

Today, my mission is to do things that make my heart sing.

When I am happy, it is contagious.

When I do things that make my heart sing, I can help others to do the same.

Paying it forward, today.

Won’t you please join me?

Let’s make this world a better fucking place!

another treasure from the abyss: the desire for true bliss!

When each person’s candle that is lit, we each begin to see more clearly.
~Tiffanybeingfree

Namaste
__/|\__ Ananda & Metta

2016.02.26

Image: Pinterest (credit not given)

Treasures from the Abyss

Last night at this hour, I was near the bottom of my murky descent.
It seems that I had a lot to clear while the weather was so turbulent.

Diving deeply, breathing labored.
Eyes swollen, crying ugly.

As I slept, I gained some ascent.
By morning, still some sadness overhanging.

Deep in meditation, I received guidance.
“Love the parts, completely, that irritate you.”

After grounding myself, and connecting with the Heavens,
I dropped down into my heart’s caverns.

I felt the love of my children, my babies,
I allowed it to expand outwardly.

Imaging the love engulfing, consuming,
completely filling the parts that were irritating.

My ascent was almost nearing the ending.
But some sadness still lingered.

While at work, a patient, the most irritating probably ever,
sat before me, seething, searing and glaring at me.

I began to wrap love ’round parts that wanted to spit mean words.
Reluctantly at first, I wrapped that love around her.

Her countenance did change, it did improve.
But only enough for me to finish my groove.

She was still rather unpleasant to the front office.
The buried treasure I unearthed kept me from some of her vengeance.

~~~

Another gem: for each ounce of sadness I surrendered into
yesterday and today, I have gained back in happiness.
The biggest challenge is letting go of the resistance; the part
that doesn’t want to feel. “You’ve got to feel it to heal it!”

~~~

A gem that was shared with me after my meditation tonight,
“You gotta love the suck!,” my interpretation: getting through
the suck helps us to pull up from the muck.
If you can’t love it, at least allow it to be what it is: sucky.

Namaste
__/|\__ Metta
2016.02.25

Image: Google

 

blowing the ballasts: a return to buoyancy

metal vessel creeks, moans

water seeps along interior walls,

under benthic depths pressure builds,

descending further, abysmic lightless

no sight.

~~

releasing my breath in bubbles,

nothing left to give, apathy sets in.

ballasts filled with cold heavy water,

the descent continues.

~~

like a wet blanket words and fires

asphyxiated. hard to hear muses

ears popping, muffling voices.

only faith and radar pings

navigation brings.

~~

feeling breathless, broken,

sinking further, uncharted

hull unbreachead, seeking,

searching, myself, beseeched.

~~

taking no more depth, now finally

surrendering the weight of my breath

and pain i turn now, ready to ascend

again. “blow the ballasts!,” i shout.

~~

sunlight penetrates murky depths

benthic below me, empathy returns

finding in heart spaces, forgiveness

for myself, hardest to give & receive.

~~

breaching, no longer beseaching.

lost; now found.

new heart spaces recovered.

another return to positive buoyancy.

~~~

Namaste

__/|\__ Metta

2016.02.25

Image: Google

the abysmal descent

the dive began over a week ago.

moments of bliss intermix,

Lucid dreams, sweet bliss

Now seem just a memory.

Diving headlong, how far

Down the rabbit hole

Before I forget how to

find my way back home?

~~

The pressure of the

Benthic zone presses

On bones and ears.

The pain, not quite excruciating

Makes it hard to hear my muse.

Left dazed and somewhat confused.

Resisting the surrender.

The very thing I know

To be the key to my release

And return to the surface

To breathe again

To see with emerald eyes again

To feel bliss again

(Know friends I’m slowly ascending)

•••

Image: Google

Sliding down

 Please check out the artist behind the drawing with the link, below. This image captures the pain that was growing before I saw her drawing…powerful timing!

Sliding down

Like dew off of a leaf

Collecting

Pooling

Condensing.

The tears she weeps.

~~

The pain within grows,

Feeling it to her toes,

Gripping her head,

Ripping her heart.

Seeping,

Tearing, 

Festering,

Falling apart.

~~

Amorphous

Darkness

Some rising

More falling

Inverse soaring

Resisting

Time lapsing

Dry sobbing

Memories crashing

Begging

Pleading

Exhausting

Finally 

Surrendering

Releasing

Sadness ceasing.

~~

Rains clearing

Tabla rosa

Moola Mantra

All cleansed

Return to bliss

Vessel filled

Love

Acceptance

Joy.

Soaring again,

Minimal fears

No more tears,

For now 

My friend,

For now.

Life begins

Anew.

~~

Quick update (2016.02.21): this was penned yesterday and the sun is back shining today both literally and figuratively, basking in the Rays. Unseasonably warm here in Virginia, such a contrast in temp and mood for me from just last week. Thank you for reading my journey! 

~~

Artwork: “Life Pain” by Donna Shell

“I am a 29 year old average Australian Psychology student who has ADD, depression, anxiety and Binge Eating Disorder. I am no artist, but I can dream. I have found an outlet in creating – be it by computer, words, or images. This image is a visualization of the intense emotional pain that is currently […]

http://wemustbebroken.com/2016/02/17/artwork-life-pain-by-donna-shell/

~~

Namaste
__/|\__ Metta
2016.02.20

 

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