What We Resist, We Become

I didn’t want to be bitter

When Marriage vows dissolved

Yet that is exactly what I became

I hid it even from myself

Like a red tide, it was 

Just below the surface

And that is my shame

For this, I have no one

But myself to … blame.

Accepting responsibility for 
What I’ve created here,

I lift my new eyes to the horizon

Seeing all of life differently;

I can now choose from variety.

I am not my bitterness,

But I own that it is part of me.

The death grip it has had on me,

My emotions, and my nihilistic behaviors

Loosens. Icy tendrils may persist,

But my heart may once again feel its bliss.



Writer’s Block: The Pursuit of Perfection

Words typically flow through my mind like a raging river. Recently, the flow stopped in a way it had never done before. I felt frozen, cold and isolated, as if in a shell. A shell, it turns out, I had imposed upon myself and reinforced.

Breathing through the stagnation, spending more time in meditation and “just writing” were not helping – my usual strategies. My frustration only grew; as did my tendency to catastrophize.

Usually I can walk away from writing if it’s not working. Now that I’ve stepped up my game and started writing a book, I’ve been putting more pressure on myself to produce.

I see how I was pushing against the very thing I desired. The more I pushed myself to write, the less I was able to produce. Much like trying to force yourself to go to sleep; it doesn’t work. Sleep, like creativity, just happens when we allow it to. 

In my pursuit of words, they just ran faster. I also see where I was blocking myself by wanting the words to flow perfectly. I froze and isolated myself with the pursuit of perfection.

Our faith is most tested in the darkness, when we cannot see the light.

Feeling stuck, I reached out to friends for help. I asked for them to see me writing in a warm, sunny and free way. Perhaps this was a lesson in surrender as much as it was in asking for help; something I am loathe to do.

The river’s flow has returned, but in a more subtle way. The words are there, but I must surrender further to hear them.

In taking a step back, I see where I do this in many areas of my life.  Pushing. Pulling. Pursuing perfection. Today, I am surrendering and trusting a little more deeply.



Keep Going

When in the shadows 

All can seem lost. 

Just as the sun rises,

There is light beyond the dark.

Keep stepping. 

Keep going.

Allow the dark to show you

Your courage,

Your strength,

Your truth.

For it is in the darkness

That we can learn the most. 


(C) 2017 Tiffany Cara

You Don’t See Me

You Don’t See Me,

because I hide my greatness in shadows.

I obscure your vision with

smoke & mirrors.


I fear you

because I fear myself.

I fear my own love

for its power is infinite.


So I block the road.

I stop the feeling,

just before it reaches 

critical mass.


I turn away

from myself

from you

from responsibility

for this mess.



Image: Pinterest 

Request for Your Stories

Hi all! I’m working on a project and would like some audience participation! 

I am collecting stories about moving on after the end of a romantic partnership. If you are willing to indulge, please send me an email at my gmail account: tiffanybeingfree. 

  • Subject: My Story
  • What was the final straw that made you leave?
  • What kept you from going back?
  • What did you learn from this experience? 
  • Do you have a pseudonym you’d like me to use?
  • Do I have your permission to share your story? 

Thank you! 



Breaking the Insomnia Cycle

For the greater part of the last 6 months, I had been suffering greatly from insomnia that was progressively getting worse. Over the last month, I have successfully broken that cycle and I believe it has had to do with making many small changes. I am now sleeping better and longer without taking Valerian, melatonin, nor any other sleeping medications (though I do supplement with magnesium, I’ve done so for years). While I was generally able to fall asleep well, I was unable to remain there for more than 3-4 hours before waking. Some nights, I was unable to return to sleep at all. I was not a happy camper on those days!

This calendar year involved a slow progression of changes for me, perhaps if I had made them closer together, I’d have broken the cycle sooner. Here are the things that I did that made the biggest changes to my sleep (from my morning routine to my nighttime routine):

  • Adding Macaccino to my morning coffee has given me a more even-keeled energy boost without the jitters nor keeping me up if I choose to have some mid-afternoon.
  • Reducing the full-caffeinated A.M. coffee to 1/2 to 1/3 by mixing my grounds with decaf. There are some half-caff buying options, as well, but not if you want 1/3 caff…
  • Changing my thoughts during the day & at night:
    • I discovered how I was often thinking “how horrible I slept.” So when I noticed those thoughts, I changed them to gratitude for sleeping (even if it was not great, I found gratitude in what sleep I did get).
    • Whenever I wake up before my alarm, I avoid focusing on the fact that I’m awake; now I usually just roll over and go back to sleep. Really.
  • Turning on the “night shift” on my phone after 8:00 P.M. and reducing my night-time screen time (the blue light of electronic devices has been linked to extending wakefulness)
  • Taking Epsom Salt soaks at night before bed after stressful days – magnesium helps to calm the body and we do not store it, so we need to get it in somehow. Magnesium Sulfate = Epsom Salt and it is absorbed through our skin as we soak.
  • Unplugging my clock and not looking at the time on my phone when I do wake up.
  • Using a folded wool blanket after reading the benefits of heavy blankets for sleep (it’s folded on top of a sheet, so I can easily push my foot out and cool off if I get too hot). Wool is also supposed to help with “earthing,” or grounding of our energy, too.
  • Hanging up blackout curtains and some nights even using a sleeping mask.
  • Magnesium via Ionic Liquid Magnesium (it’s quite salty in liquid form, they also have tablets) OR the more tasty, but tart  Natural Calm
  • Meditating before bed.
  • Avoiding alcohol at night. I found it actually caused me to fall asleep and not stay asleep.
  • Listening to “sleep stories” on the “Calm” app. There’s even a story about sleep science. I’ve never heard the whole thing. It puts me right to sleep!

By sleeping well at night, I’ve had more energy during the day. I’ve also been writing more and, in general, I’ve been a much happier person.

I hope that these suggestions are helpful for anyone who is having difficulty sleeping. Honestly, I found the less sleep that I had, the more obsessive I became about sleep and the less I actually slept. Shifting my thoughts created a huge impact, but many of the small things listed above also added up to break the insomnia cycle.


Building a New Life by Moving Beyond the Status Quo.

Making positive life changes involves opening up to new possibilities. When we can see a different path, this allows us to take steps towards a new way of living. I recently wrote a friend about some life changes I’ve made in the past few years, moving from a closed perspective to a more open one that allowed me to move differently through life:
When I couldn’t see myself surviving alone, I stayed in an unhappy marriage. When I couldn’t see myself buying another car, I suffered (literally) in a car that made my hip hurt to drive. When I could see something different in both of those scenarios, I was able to take the steps I needed to make changes. 

It takes our ability to believe in ourselves for us to take the next step. We deserve and can have something better in our lives if we choose to allow ourselves to first and foremost believe in something different. This is a major step that cannot be missed.

Once we believe in a new possibility and in ourselves to live it, then we can begin to take tangible steps to make that belief a reality. Consistent homage to our new vision is required, as there will be tough patches where breaking away from the status quo can steal our thunder. It is in those dark moments that we must call upon our faith in ourselves and our abilities to live something better. Having a tangible reminder can help us keep the faith and keep moving forward in obtaining our dreams.

“I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question.” ~ Harun Yahya

What keeps us doing the same things, expecting different results? Albert Einstein is credited with saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. At this point, it’s important to ask ourselves what might be holding us back. Is it a fear of failure? Perhaps it is also a fear of success as Marianne Williamson suggests here:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world.”

So how can we better serve ourselves and the word by being more than instead of less than? Each step forward begins with our ability to believe in ourselves to be something greater than we were the step before. Let’s each take another step forward today.

May the fourth be with you.