I’ve already done this. This path is not new. I’ve walked this road and conquered it….so why am I here? Why this, again?! I want to scream. I want to claw out of this body.
“The longer you resist, the longer you spin in this energy of confusion,” my quiet inner voice responds.
“But, but, but…,” I bite my lip to avoid releasing the torrent of sadness I am just now realizing was still being held somewhere in the deep recesses of my being.
“If you’ve got this, then there’s no reason to resist it. You know what to do. Get quiet and go within,” the still quiet voice continues, “You’ve left a stone unturned on that path and it’s time to turn it over. The longer you wait, the longer you resist, the more energy you spin in confusion. You’ve got this!”
Deep down, I know all too well that if I continue to let this go, that the opportunity for release will only continue to present itself to me again and again. And again.
Reluctantly, while the dam breaks and the sadness bursts forth, forming an ocean of tears on my pillow, I pull my body up against gravity. I slowly and begrudgingly move into my meditation pose. It is there that I begin to surrender into the quiet darkness within, just as that small inner voice instructed me to do.
It is in the darkness that I travel the familiar path to the room of my third eye. The last bit of resistance is experienced as I open into the chakra of my heart. The last vestige of self-induced pain slips quietly away as I open more fully into love. It is here, in that very moment, that I forgive and I release myself from bondage. I forgive myself. I love myself again. I allow myself to love the part of me that caused my own suffering.
With each glorious moment that I spend here, I untangle and further dismantle more and more of the tangled web of deception. I release the lies that others told me about myself. I let go of the shame. Another breath and the guilt begins to melt away, also.
Once my surrender is complete I can see, feel, smell, taste and fully experience again the sweet nectar of the Universe. “I am Love,” the nectar reminds me. I am part of everything and everything is part of me.
I remind myself that it is within the surrender that I am Free. Next time, I tell myself, I will not resist.
Or will I?