The Holy Grail Hidden Within Duality


The Vesica Pisces is a common visual presence across many world religions. In Italian it is called a mandalora (almond), similar to the Indian Mandala. Within the center of each of these religious symbols balance is achieved. Most importantly, one reaches this center through the synthesis of the two edges of Duality. It is in this space that a new consciousness is born. 

This concept is so simple that it may just be unbelievable and thus easily dismissed. At the same time, the work required is not always so easy as it may initially sound. For how does one merge two opposites? 

Yet the key to our release from suffering is found by allowing without judgment the simultaneous existence of two opposites. It is in the center of these two overlapping circles that we can transcend Duality. This is not a compromise. Instead it is a synthesis and if permitted to fully unfold, it is transcendent.  I call this moment of synthesis The God Moment.

The journey to the God moment can be a most painful process when we walk through the valleys of the shadows of death. Yet at other times such as during sex, the joining of two opposites can be incredibly erotic…and hopefully pleasurable. 

It now makes so much sense as to why many of us seek these edges. In seeking the highs, and often unintentially the lows, we are seeking something greater than ourselves. Yet it is often during these times that we turn to distractions and addictions that prevent us from fully experiencing and marrying the edges of Duality. Thus we miss the God moment and we miss the opportunity to become transcendent.

Allowing the dual existence of two opposites is the key to our release from our suffering, yet this surrender can seem to tear us apart and is why so many of us stop the process just prior to its full fruition. It is our faith and our ability to breathe through the process that allows us to pass through the valley – and transcend it. We must believe that our thoughts, beliefs and emotions cannot kill us. Yet we have been taught to fear our shadow and the baggage that it brings, so it can be challenging to walk with these aspects and this prevents us from being able to transcend them. Walking with our shadows means we must acknowledge them; things we were taught to avoid at all costs.

On a very basic level, transcendence is sexual. The merging of two opposite energies is how new life can be created. For with each aspect of Duality that we transcend, we are born again and see life in a new way. Are you excited yet?!  

Furthermore it is in these moments of synthesis that we touch and are touched by something greater than ourselves: God. The more we can merge these edges, the more we merge heaven and earth. 

Sadly, just as with sex, eventually we also return to our experience of Duality. With each action of life we produce both light and shadow. Thus the shadow emerges to give us repeated opportunities to heal and transcend through another synthesis and another rebirth. No wonder the Vesica Pisces has such a vulvar look to it, or maybe it’s just me? 

An intentionally repeated image. The other images I’d like to have used here would be considered pornographic…sadly

Now I plan to investigate the use of Sex as a means of transcendence. I have a strong sense that this use of sexual energies requires foundational work that goes beyond casual sex. I’ve read some about tantra and have a feeling I’ll find more answers there…if you’ve read anything along these lines, feel free to share sources in the comments section or gmail me at tiffanybeingfree. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with various images of the Vesica Pisces or mandalora. 

Mother Mary depicted within the Mandalora, the space between Duality.

The fish symbol of Christianity is a variation of the Vesica Pisces.
The Vesica Pisces is also the basic pattern for the seed -, tree – and flower of life. 

The flower of life

While I’ve written about this synthesis of duality within the Owning Your Own Shadow series, based on readings from the book by Robert A. Johnson, today brings an entirely new level of understanding. Healing is about sex: the merging of two opposites.  

More on Sacred Geometry 

A mandala my children recently helped me to color.


The Dance of Love: Divine Balance

Don’t drink at the water’s edge,
throw yourself in.
Become the water.
Only then will your thirst be quenched.
~Jeanette Berson

In The Battle of Love I chose to isolate myself in my Castle’s Keep. At the time, I felt defeated and it was time to retreat. I felt like I had repeatedly fallen in the mud, and was seeing so much of my own muck at that time.

Today I see a new vision of love, having found a new level of balance within myself. Last night I discovered the quote below which is a wonderful illustration that mirrors some of the understandings I have been gaining in my work with femininity. This quote is from the Hindu stream where Lord Vishnu is the protector of the world and Lakshmi is the goddess of abundance. Divine archetypes worth repeating.

Where Vishnu is speech, Lakshmi is meaning;
where he is understanding, she is intellect,
where he is creator, she is the creation;
she is the earth, he is the support of the earth;
she is a creeping vine, he the tree upon which it clings;
as he is one with all males, she is one with all females;
as he is love, she is bliss.
The Path of the Priestess: A Guidebook for Awakening the Divine Feminine by Sharron Rose

The following poem is the result of a vision I had when asked to experience Agape Love.The truth is that we are never truly alone, we are surrounded by love if we choose to see it, if we choose to be it.

My feet whisper along the path,
my heart flutters as if filled with brilliant butterfly wings.
Delicate and resilient all at once: lightly weighted.

The scent of freshly uncovered earth,
the wind on my back,
the sounds of birds singing embrace me.

Bare roots under my toes rain slickend.
The light rain cools my skin,
and taps on fallen leaves in staccato fashion.

Pine needles turn a brilliant orange
matching the new fire that burns within
a brighter, yet softened flame.

A misty fog rolls in,
the moment pure Zen
while the surrounding trees embrace me.

No longer in my Castle Keep,
choosing again to be free.
I move forward in a new vision of Love, of me.

Agape Love creates the inner peace.
Gently, this love shows me my hurt places.
It allows me to pour golden love into the open spaces.

Learning more & more to love and accept me,
yes, this is the right place to be,
seeing now I am already complete.

How we view Love is a reflection of how we view ourselves. Just the other day I was talking with a spiritual friend about how many of my friends do not truly “see me.” He then shared that this reflected two things: 1. how much of me they were able to see/receive themselves and (the clencher), 2. how much of myself I was actually showing them. Ouch! I then recognized how much I hold back. Those who have conversed with me off-line may disagree that I hold back, and yet for as much as I share there is a treasure trove that I keep in reserve.

In holding back what I share, I reveal to myself where I also hold back in love; still afraid to fully immerse myself and jump in. 

It’s no wonder that I am continuing to learn these lessons. To truly love, I just need to dive in and trust that the water is where I am to be. The person I most need to love and nurture is me. I so feel the broken record in my learning, repeating the same lesson.

So the Dance of Love is truly, underneath the veneer of Romantic Love, the dance we dance first with ourselves.

The divine lover is spirit without body;
The physical lover is body without spirit;
The spiritual lover possesses spirit and body.
~Ibn Arabi


In the innocence of our youth, in the hopes of being loved we:
– placed ourselves as offerings on the altar.
– anted up our hearts in the poker game.
– stepped out of our shells in the hopes of something greater.

In return we were:
– sacrificed in a non-sacred way.
– fooled, trumped and cast away.
– crushed, unsure of our own footing.

In the hope of staying safe from the heartache we now:
– fear and run from the very things that can set us free.
– repeat the same lessons & games, choosing to crush or be crushed, not loving nor trusting ourselves fully.
– create new barriers to love, calling it a myth, and find ourselves in power struggles.


On this day of the Equinox we are in the energy of balance. Being the first day of Spring, we are also in the energy of rebirth and renewal. This is a fantastic time to choose balance and a new path, if we so desire it.

Yesterday, Kate Rose posted an article about the different types of lovers, here. An insightful read that may help in your understanding of love. 


Painting Josephine Wall



Balance: Revisited

This is an earlier post that I recently revisited when reorganizing my blog. It was originally posted here.

Shame is held here.

The pelvis carries it all.

It balances the load.

Taping helps to bring balance.

Tape the front.

Tape the back.

Hold me in my place.

Hold me in this space; this place of balance.

Force transmission.

Top to bottom.

Bottom to top.

Right to left.

Left to right.

If it ain’t tight, it ain’t right.

Tape me. Hold me. Help me carry this load.

Hold me in this space; this place of balance.

The tape helps to change the muscle memory.

Retraining. Reforming.

Molding me. Showing me.

Remind me what is it like again to be free.

Free from constraint (oh, the irony of being taped to be free…).

Hold me in this space; this place of balance.

The middle way requires focus.

Presence. Awareness. Attention to detail.

The pendulum swings to and fro.

Back and forth. Forever seeking balance.

Yet the pivot point remains steady.

The middle way, the balance between opposites.

The point of neutrality.

Releasing the need for duality.

Hold me in this space; this place of balance.

Image/ Google search

Living Betwixt: Being the Bridge

Here I explore my love for living in two different worlds; recognizing my near constant need for changes…

Born into life, lifeless. As I pushed through the canal of my birth, suddenly frozen was I.

For when the doctor slammed the mask over my mother’s face, forcing her against her will to a medicated delivery, the anesthesia paralyzed me in my path. A state that took me over 30 years to overcome!

Born on the first day of Virgo in 1975; the day of cusp betwixt her and Leo. I bridge her earthy rationality with his fiery personality.
The moon sign is the pisces fish.
Where water, changeability and emotionality prevail. As the lotus, finding comfort in the muddy waters.
“I contradict myself, therefore I am” was born that fateful Saturday in late August.

Born to a Christian mother and atheist father.
Her birthplace the rural mountains; the daughter of a tobacco farmer, she grew up in the land of red clay with an outdoor bathroom.
His birthplace a military city; the son of a successful ob/gyn and RN, his home one of the first to have a TV and air conditioning. Yet penny pinching and politically conservative; they hated The Kennedys.

Where he & his family were uber-rational, soft spoken, rarely emotional and loving, yet loved telling dirty jokes,
she was uber-emotional & sometimes loving; sometimes rational, her family was loud and sexually Uber-conservative. No joke telling here. Even though not rich, they shared freely with those more needy. Politically liberal.

At a young age, I learned to speak bi-lingual;
to talk and walk with one foot in his rational world,
the other in her emotional one;
often translating for them,
what the other was saying.

Then in grade school as everyone formed their cliques,
I could just as easily hangout with the punks, the jocks, the nerds, the preps, the no ones, sometimes the goths
the latter of  whom were often the most pretentious of them all; funny how the ostrasized so often become more ostentatious than their counterparts.

In the world of “The Breakfast Club,” I most identified with Allison portrayed by Ally Sheady (Amy, would you agree?).

In middle school I discovered the power and mystery of an all black wardrobe.
Feeling invisible and somewhat invincible.
Add the black leather biker jacket and combat boots in high school:
my external armor, my protection and isolation from you!
It hid my soft and sensitive core.

Being everyone’s counselor.
From my mother to the brother of a friend,
I kept your secrets and offered a different perspective for you,
even then.
A call to service even at a young age.
While I could easily listen to you,
you knew nothing of me.
I kept the richness of my inner worlds and everything else hidden,
even from my closest friends;
keeping so much that was shattered and broken from your view.

Even my grades I hid,
graduating in the top 10% of my class,
putting me in line for study at Virginia Tech.
now world renown for that awful day in April 2007.
Where so many young students were sent to heaven;
many young survivors left to live in hell. 

Once on campus,
I discovered with delight Ut Prosim “to serve” was our motto,
I knew I was in the right place.
The limestone Gothic architecture called to my soul.
I felt I was in another world just 5 hours away from home.
The me that was planted as a seed that day; now seems so far away.

Through college and grad school,
I sought the help of counselors to understand the mixed emotions of my body.
The suppression of feelings,
the expression of my soul,
being so bound up as a child,
I now know.
No one quite had the key to help me unlock the deep mysteries
I had buried in little jars within the sandy beaches in the landscape of my memories; locked away.

The call to service with the ability to speak two languages reinforced in PT school,
where we were graded on our ability to speak both medically
and in the patient’s tongue
to get the job done.
An indispensable trait once in the clinic,
with an uncanny ability to translate into a story complex medical concepts
in a way my clients could understand.
Often times, even to my own amazement.

It really is between the extremes that I enjoy to live and play.
Finding balance in my own way.
From crazy busy when I have my kids,
to quiet and calm (now, after the partying girl is mostly gone) when alone.
From a Prius to a Jeep Wrangler.
From loving the taste of sweet immediately followed by spicy or salty.
From the music that I enjoy, quiet to loud, loud to quiet, hard to soft and soft to hard. Often creating play lists (in an earlier life mixed tapes and CDs) that vary in tempo from song to song.
From crying alongside one client to laughing from the belly with the next.
From lying on the floor in the throws of the void, immediately followed by a flight into the cosmos.

From the couch (0.0) to less than 3 mos later completing a half-marathon (13.1), completing > 30 obstacle, mud and road races last year to push my envelope (watch it bend).

From being controlling to now learning to surrender; spiritually & sexually.

So here I stand now, a bridge between my professional degree and my spirituality. Guiding others to surrendering into their own femininity, and softness, both here and at work.
Helping to restore balance;
as I have learned through my experiences in the dark and the light.
A shaman, as it were. Gaining power from my pain and suffering. In turn, giving of my bittersweet lessons to others, in service.

Ut Prosim!

image: Google


The Weighting Game


So sad to see this beautiful woman, looking at her weight/her worth and being aghast….

The game where
when weight you gain,
you only lose
your worth.

The game where
when weight you lose,
you gain,
can still be elusive,
in skinny jeans.

The game where
your worth is
inversely proportional
to the measurements
of your waist line.

The game where
With each pound
you lose,
you become more
Less protected,
Less insulated,
Unless your heart
is unweighted;
true to

The shame,
it keeps us
from claiming
our true
For when
we are focused
on where we
are “not enough”
we balance
it out,
by adding to
our waist,
or further denying
our needs for love
and nourishment.

By not feeling
that we are enough,
we are unable to
receive and use
the gifts and
talents that
are ours.

By weighing
ourselves on an
inverted scale,
how can we ever

Ponder for a
moment, how
much more
you could
accomplish, when
not focused on
only represses,
rarely uplifts.

So reach up
high, my friend.
Accept your gifts!
And put down
your whip!


Photo by Ambro at

Balance in Life: Theme for 2016


As I wrote this post, a new realization dawned upon me. In the beginning, I seek balance, by the end, I realize it was always there. I did not edit the content, instead leaving my process intact for the reader to see its evolution. The lesson here seems more to be about already having in my possession that which I seek, more than about balance. Enjoy!

“If you search everywhere, yet cannot find what you are seeking, it is because what you seek is already in your possession.” ― Lao Tzu

Living in balance. Walking the middle path. Choosing moderation. These are the things which I would like to place more focus upon in 2016.

In many ways, 2015 was about building strength and gaining a deeper sense of both independence and interdependence. Through my blog and in my life, I have repeatedly opened myself up, diving more deeply into the waters of vulnerability and uncertainty. By being weak, I have gained more in strength. By revealing myself, I have seen new aspects to appreciate.

Yet, even with the gains I have made in independence and strength, balance has been a challenge for me. I seem to either go full steam ahead, or I become dead in the waters. My life seems to move in spurts and fits or not move at all.

Even in my writing, I can be inconsistent. Often, I find myself writing furiously on the weekends, sometimes unintentionally filling my schedule for the week to follow. Then, when dating, my writing has been the first thing to be sacrificed. Losing my voice in this way seemed to have set me back further in my own spiritual growth.

I could write all day on the ways in which I can bring more balance into my life. The pattern I notice, in stepping back, is that the further I move to one side on the pendulum, the further to the opposite extreme I must move to create balance.

So when I say I’m seeking balance, what I really mean is less movement between the extremes. Nature seeks balance. Balance is already present in my life, now it is up to me to choose the middle path instead of riding extreme pendulum swings.

May we all find and take the middle path when it suits us.

Sanskrit Mantra: Om Ram Ramaya perfect balance energizes my body, mind and spirit


Photo by renjith krishnan at

Shifting: Choosing to change


This is a response to Shifting: Out of Focus.  I’ve made several shifts over the last two weeks to improve my routine, and my life.

Shifting back into focus, I’ve started waking up 60-minutes earlier in the morning so as to not feel so rushed and to allow for me to start a morning self-care routing. So in addition to getting up earlier, I’m also doing a morning meditation and 10-minutes of yoga; grounding myself at the start of the day versus just at the end.

In making these changes, I feel less rushed and more calm. It keeps me more calm during my workday as well as keeps my energy more even-keeled. Now just to get myself working out again!

I share this story in the hopes that it will inspire you to make some small shifts that support you.

Choosing to change can sometimes be the hardest choice. Know that even small changes can affect a huge impact.


Photo by moggara12 at

Disconnecting Facebook to Reconnect with Myself

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Last week, I went cold turkey. I shut down my Facebook account without fanfare and without much of any warning. It may only be temporary. Heck, it’s only been five days, so it’s hard to know at this time. What I do know is that now I have more time. In stopping the Facebooking, I’ve had more time for myself, more time to read, more time to do the things I enjoy doing and most importantly, more time to connect to my own heart.

For several weeks, I had been debating the shut down. I was finding that whenever I had a moment to spare, I was looking at the feed or reading posts, trying to keep up with the jokes or the social on-goings of my friends (some of whom I have not seen or had personal contact with in years). The trade-off was that I was not using that time to follow through with my own yearnings. While I would spend each night in meditation and journaling for 1-2 hours, I was not doing other “little” things that I enjoy. The books I wanted to read were stacking up on my coffee table. The spiritual, mental and physical workouts that I was missing were weakening my muscles.

Now, I have the time to color, to read the books I’ve wanted to read and most importantly I have the time to reconnect with my own heart.


I’m sorry that I’ve left behind so many in Facebook Land. I do miss so many of you. However, it is now time for me to turn inward and listen to my own heart for a bit. In looking outward at all of your lives, I’ve faltered in taking care of my own. Know that I am still here and that if you really need me, you know how to find me.


Photo Courtesy of pixtawan at

Giving the gift of giving

ID-100179140“Gracious acceptance is an art – an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving…. Accepting another person’s gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.” – Alexander McCall Smith, Love Over Scotland

It is amazing for me to see how many who are service-minded have such trouble in receiving even an ounce of what they give to others day in and day out. This is not a balanced way to live. Does the grapevine, in producing its fruits for the world to enjoy shun the sunlight, water and nutrients it needs in which to thrive? If it did, it would not produce good fruit for long. Why, then, my lovely friends do we shy away from receiving from others all that we so willingly give to them?

In order for us to thrive, we need to learn to receive. If we continue on this path of only giving, our vines will produce raisins and not luscious grapes. We cannot make wine from raisins!

I encourage each of us to begin to learn to receive. We need our cups to be filled in order to be able to fill, or even share, with others. So when others want to give you something, please receive their gift. If you can, receive it graciously. You, my friend, are worthy of self-love and self-care. Only giving and not receiving is an unbalanced equation.

Give someone else the gift of giving to you.


Image courtesy of Stoonn at

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