A head game

One misstep 

Begins head trip


No one wins

Beast awakens


Eyes set on me






Loss of vision

Flesh ripping 




Little girl


For sins 

Upon own flesh

By grown men

No one wins


Head trip begins 

One misstep

A head game




Image Google

Relationships and Shoes: ~ Part II

This piggybacks on a post from January: Relationships & Running Shoes: if it doesn’t fit, don’t force it

***Just to be clear, the shoes represent the relationship in this analogy, not the partner***

When shoe shopping, we find shoes that work for us and many that do not (at least this has been my shoe shopping experience). When we find the right type of shoe and the right fit, we may decided to take those shoes home…

Later, we might find that the shoes blister, or they served their purpose to make us feel sexy for a hot date or to look smart for a job interview. We no longer need those shoes. So we let them go. Do we blame our feet (ourselves) for the failure of the shoes (the relationship) to work out? I doubt it if it’s shoes. I believe we all do if it’s the relationship.

Or what about the shoes that use to work and just no longer do? Expect injuries if you run marathons in worn out shoes (like long-running marriages that just no longer work).

Why the fuck do we do this torturous thing to ourselves with relationships? Why do we blame ourselves or our partners? Maybe we just need a new or different pair of shoes!

And maybe, just maybe, it’s ok to get shoes go when they no longer work for us (damn, though, I still regret getting rid of those Ox Blood Doc Marten’s!)

A few things to consider the next time you’re trying on shoes! Or feeling like a loser when the relationship no longer works for you…remember, it’s just like a pair of shoes! 

__/|\__ Metta


Image: Google

Food Addiction: Eating as Punishment

As a young girl, I leanred to “use” food as a drug to supress strong emotions that were punished, heavily discouraged and suppressed in my family. The message was that it was not ok to emote, whether positive or negative. To carry strong emotions triggered an adult, the child was punished. Without the ability to express myself, I learned to turn to food for comfort. I was attempting to “stuff it all down,” with food, to swallow my feelings. This was my way of surviving; not feeling by eating.

This blog focuses on consumption, and I would like to acknowledge that I believe the denial of food through abstaining and purging has a similar theme.

Many times as an adult, I told friends and co-workers that if food were alcohol, that I would be intoxicated and unable to function. Later, I learned that alcoholism and food addictions can often alternate generations. It seems to be that the underlying issue is that with addiction, there is a lack of connection.

So if one generation is unable to teach the next how to connect (or more accurately, the elder generation teaches the younger generation how to disconnect), then the children as adults carry that pattern forward; suppressing connection in their children. It is then up to each generation to break that pattern, or risk carrying it forward.

Understanding the emotions and motivations behind behaviors can help one to break through the pattern, developing new ones (note: this does NOT involve dieting, which can make us more … obsessive). Through reading books, journaling, reflection and observations I have made, it seems that we often use food to punish ourselves, or to prevent feeling a feeling.

Food as Punishment

Out of shame or guilt for a strong emotion, or what is perceived to be a mis-action, we can overeat to discomfort or eat foods that do not feel good to us now or later. This can include eating “healthy” foods that we do not enjoy. We can also punish ourselves with abstaining from or limiting foods that we do enjoy. Consuming food (or beverages) out of guilt to avoid putting food to waste is interesting, because then it just ends up on our waist (or hips or asses). It would seem much better to let it go to waste rather than carry it around…

Doreen Virtue’s book Constant Craving offers readers insights into cravings for different foods. For instance, I have noticed that when I feel anger (that I do not want to feel), that I eat crunchy foods (because I want to break something). When not wanting to feel vulnerable, sad or needing love, I often eat fatty foods (fat protects, soothes and satiates). When feeling depressed, or low in energy, sweet foods are on my top list. Virtue’s book has much more detailed information for each food (such as bread with butter has different implications than plain bread).

Food as pacifier: self-soothing

Poor body image can also be a reason for self-soothing. This can be a biscuits cycle. The more I eat the worse I feel, so I eat more to temporarily feel better.

Having thinly guised positive feelings can also turn us to food in unhealthy ways. When making it through a tough day, we may over reward ourselves… When in actuality we are self-soothing.

Denial of food

Denial of food, whether healthy foods or abstaining altogether, reflects a denial of needs. Research has shown that small indulgences over time are better than complete denial for periods, which can result in binging later.


The overarching theme, in my experience, to food addiction and denial is a lack of self-love. For someone who loves him or herself would choose to do things that serve one out of love, not dis-serve them out of pain.


Other resources:

A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever by Marianne Williamson (a great tool for learning to love oneself)

Shadows Before Dawn: Finding the Light of Self-Love Through Your Darkest Times by Teal Swan
To readers, please feel free to share how you have used food as a way to soothe more than satisfy your body’s physical hunger.

Photo by  Koratmember at

Forty-eight Pounds

10 pounds of shame & guilt
10 pounds of blame
10 pounds of self-loathing & self-disgust
10 pounds of anger
8 pounds of sadness
Saying hello and welcome to 48 pounds of gold in the form of self-love! Today, I love me.
Image courtesy of dan at

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