Faith in Receiving

It is very easy for me to give, ’tis much harder to receive. I give of my time, patience, efforts and knowledge to others everyday. Sometimes I get paid for it and sometimes I don’t.

Religious dogma and society support giving more than receiving. “It’s better to give than to receive,” Acts 20:35 (KJV). Welfare recipients are shamed for being “needy.” Yet I wonder if there are deeper reasons…

Receptivity means having faith and surrendering. It also means being vulnerable and “accepting” what we receive. Receiving is also being, which is actively “doing nothing.” (that was triggering to state). Receiving is very much a divine feminine trait; where being feminine is often associated with being weak. Again, where religious dogma and society can play a role in how we perceive things. 

In sitting with my discomfort today around being receptive, I saw several “forces” at play. Being receptive means “getting what I deserve.” There is still part of me that wrestles with that aspect of my personality where I believe there is “an irredeemable deficiency” about myself. With that in mind, to get what I deserve could mean more discomfort for me. This belief also discounts Agape or unconditional love. 

Being receptive also means being vulnerable and feeling unprotected. In service to others, I have repeatedly “put myself out there” and have often felt used, abused, taken for granted and unappreciated. I see where I have done this to myself, to make up for my “irredeemable deficiency” where I feel I must “go above and beyond” to prove my worth… I call this trait “super size me,” where I must “give more,” to make up for my deficiencies. Which again, discounts Agape. 

Yet staying in this place of “keeping a lid” on who I am here to be, I feel as if I’m wearing a shirt several sizes too small. It restricts my movements, my breathing and keeps me from being the person I am here to be. There is great sadness in feeling my own suppression. So I’ve resolved to reach up to the stars and have faith in receiving the greatness that supports who I am here to be; this is vulnerability. 

May we each find new freedom and faith in receiving and in being vulnerable; it takes more strength to be vulnerable than it does to power through everything. May we find peace in our own vulnerability, receptivity and femininity. (sounds much like sea anemone, and with that in mind, may we also laugh at ourselves more!) 


One — A Duet

There were several posts I had considered for today, until i read this duet. It beautifully and poetically illustrates the interactions between The Divine Masculine & Divine Feminine that I had tried to explain here.

Please share feedback with the writers at their respective blogs and prepare yourself to be spellbound!

Many thanks to JW at JW’s Creative World for collaborating with me on “One”. Together, we are better. He is the Yang; masculine and positive, the light to guide her way when her past or present threatens or hinders her… or their future together. She is the Yin; feminine and negative, the dark that creates […]

via One — Southern Highways and Byways

The Path: Submitting to Femininity Part III

Warning: The video is NSFW.

This is part three of Submitting to Femininity Series. This post focuses on the path and tools and applies to women as much as it does to men. We all hold within the energy of The Divine Feminine.
Part I: Into the Pink, Part II: Being.

The Path to Submission

15 years ago several women I was working with were talking about submitting to their husbands. I thought they were crazy and I was unable to hear their words. There was no way I was going to submit to any man, I thought to myself. Ironic to find myself now writing about this very thing. Their submission was based on their Jewish religious teachings. For me, submission is a personal choice that cannot be dictated, directed nor coerced by anyone. To submit under duress is surrender.
Now I find myself submitting to the feminine qualities that I have fought hard against for most of my life. I am finding power in submission, power in wearing pink and power in being uniquely feminine. I realize now that by living through the power of my Animus for so long, I was exhausting myself and not being true to my own power. I now see my role as a woman very differently.


The Masculine Path for Modern Women

It is the man’s masculine journey to prove his worth, his value, his skills, his knowledge, and his abilities often separately from others. Modern Women often feel that we must prove ourselves, as well. So often as a new mother, I fought against receiving help from others. It made me feel weak. I needed to prove, “I’ve got this! [fuck you].”
Fighting fire with fire to “make it” in a masculine world, women often put on Animus masks to move upwards in work and academic environments. This is where we adopt the Animus in our feeling of lack of power in a society that disqualifies feminine strength.
As women, we exhaust ourselves when we continually live in this way. We are using our tools, our energy, in a way in which they were not made to serve us. While we can use our high heeled shoes to drive a nail into a wall, a hammer is a much more effective tool to use. To repeatedly use our shoe, we have the potential to ruin it as well as to exhaust ourselves in the process.
Letting go of the need to prove ourselves is part of this journey into softening into our femininity. In our role as women, our journey is to just be who we are here to be. This involves the inward journey of Psyche. Going down into the Underworld and seeing our strength as women to move through the levels. Being ourselves, seeing that beauty exists within – it is not a physical implement to which we apply to our skin. This is Persephone’s secret that she shares with Psyche: our beauty as it is is our strength.


So much of this process is about trust. We must learn to trust our hearts. There are times where the lessons that need to be learned have pain and darkness attached to them. This does not mean that our hearts are wrong when they lead us in a direction that involves pain. Instead it is where we are blocked in love that we must learn a new way, a new perspective; a new way to soften within. Sometimes it is necessary for the wounds to be reopened for them to be healed.
Many men and women have been hurt by men who held power of us. This can cause us to shy away from trusting power. I know it is hard for me to let go of control in so many ways because of my past. Yet I am finding that not trusting is keeping me isolated. For me to grow, I must spread my wings. For keeping my arms clutched to my side or over my heart, I cannot fly. Instead, I would just sink like a rock if I were to jump.
So with each encounter and with each relationship, I learn a new lesson about others and about my strength. Opening my heart even when it is scary, even when it hurts, even when the hinges creak from lack of use, the door to my heart when it is opened allows me to experience a greater truth: my light is infinite.
We each have darkness that must be healed. We each have ways that we stand in our own lights, creating shadows that we believe are the truth of who we are. In trusting our hearts to go down into the darkness, just as Psyche does, we can learn a new truth. We are all truly loved. We are all truly supported. Sometimes the best way to see our light is in the darkness, just as with stars.

Feminine Tools: The Knife and the Lantern

In the story of Psyche and Eros, Psyche had two tools at her disposal: a knife and a lantern. Her sisters bade that she kill her lover with the knife. Instead, Psyche chose to look upon him after being pierced by one of his arrows, causing her to fall in love with him, as such she could not kill him. This is when hot oil from her lantern burns his skin.
As a woman this speaks to me clearly about discernment. Knives are tools that can be used to separate, to discern. They can be used as a tool as in the kitchen or in healing as in surgery. Knives can also be used as a weapon. As women, we have a choice of how we want to use our tools. Are our tongues sharp or are the words we use helpful to those we love?
The lantern offers the image of a soft light in the darkness. A woman’s light is of the moon, soft and shining in the dark sky. Yet when too sharp, too fixed, our light can also burn. Though we do not have the light of the sun, our lights can also inflict burns. This calls for discernment in the use of our tools.
As a mother, as a lover, I can choose how to use my tools. Sometimes regardless of how loving my intentions can be, others may find my light and words offending. I must discern what is right from my heart so that I can do my part in helping support others on their journey.

Femininity = Being

In observing couples, I repeatedly see the power struggles between couples. In general, one uses passive-aggressive techniques to control the other. I certainly remember playing that role with my ex when the relationship was disintegrating. In feeling weak in myself, I felt I needed to control him. Trust me, there were ways in which he also did the same to me. In our weakness, we tried to gain control over the other through different means.
Now I believe my role is to just be me in my fullest expression of femininity through softening more and more fully into my heart, into my truth. In allowing myself to be myself more and more fully, I empower and give permission to Him to be Himself more fully. Furthermore, the more I soften into my femininity, the more He can grow into the fullest expression of His Masculinity. There is a reciprocation of energy that has the potential to be infinite when well matched as described in “to My Etheric Lover.”

The Journey

While the masculine journey is an external one to prove one’s skills, the feminine journey is an internal one to accept one’s emotions. For our journeys to be complete, men and women alike must take the inner path. For too long, our society has drained the Divine Feminine of its true Valor while overemphasizing the masculine external journey. This prevents us from all from successfully being balanced and complete.
Image: Leonid Afremov


Crying babies held to breast in love,
Easy to care for physical needs.
Eat, sleep, change, hold and then just repeat.

As they grow, their needs start expanding,
Teaching, learning, much to discerning,
Mom feeling her own wounds more clearly.

Her faith in the unseen comes and goes,
Feeling, being, becoming open.
In healing childhood heart’s size growing.


Being a mother is hands down the most difficult role I have taken on. It was relatively easy for me to care for my children as babies. Meeting their physical needs meant less sleep, yet I really did not have to think about it.

As my children have aged and their need for play grows, I find it more and more challenging to keep myself from being triggered. It’s much easier for me to work and complete tasks than it is for me to sit on the floor and play. When the family was together, their father easily took over that role while I took care of other needs.

It’s sad for me to confess that playing is difficult for me. I come by it honestly and my story behind that just keeps me stuck. Let’s just say I learned this from my mother and she from her mother. I am also confident that games and play were used as lures by the men who molested me. So I find myself having difficulty playing. Breathing into that can be difficult, especially when being tickled. (some of you will see irony there…)

Add to this that as I raise my children, I am also reparenting myself. Discovering and doing my best to heal the wounds that I have incurred; mothering myself, as it were. Being a parent means that all of my wounds are resurfacing. Common themes that rise up revolve around fears of: abandonment, lack of worth/value, needs not being met, resentment, expressing negative and positive emotions, not having enough resources: time, money, patience, love; to name but a few. My children easily trigger these fears. It can be a challenge to differentiate the trigger and the one causing it.

It is rare that I get on social media sites anymore. The FB and IG feeds are filled with happy, Rockwellian images of beautiful and happy families – like the Brady Bunch. Part of me sounds the B.S. Alarm and part of me feels jealous. I know the snap shots are one second “screen grabs” of the truth. The images represent on a small slice of the pie in their lives. Yet it triggers me, sad to say. Fear-avoidance healing means I should probably look anyway…

One of the hardest things for me to mitigate right now involves the two ends of the continuum in which I live on a weekly basis: 50% single; 50% single mom. I see the infinity symbol and the path I travel can only rest in the center when I am at work. At home, I live on one side or the other.

Another difficulty for me is in accepting the way that I was raised. As a mother, I do my very best to keep a level head. It’s not always easy and sometimes I feel that I fail at this miserably. Some of the things I swore I wouldn’t do as a parent, I do. It seems the harder I fight against the things I don’t like, the more I become them. Recognizing that the severity is lessened with each generation, I am still paying for the sins of my mother’s and the mothers before. Doing my best to keep this from being pushed forward takes great effort and awareness. It’s a sideways pill to swallow, the cure is bitter, healing so much pain from so many ancestors. Doing my best to minimize the building of more walls (ala Pink Floyd)

My role here is to further soften into my femininity. To allow my fullest expression as a mother, allowing my heart to remain open even when I want to close it down completely & batten the hatches. Here is a glimpse of that allowing from years ago (a small slice of the pie)


The Dance of Love: Divine Balance

Don’t drink at the water’s edge,
throw yourself in.
Become the water.
Only then will your thirst be quenched.
~Jeanette Berson

In The Battle of Love I chose to isolate myself in my Castle’s Keep. At the time, I felt defeated and it was time to retreat. I felt like I had repeatedly fallen in the mud, and was seeing so much of my own muck at that time.

Today I see a new vision of love, having found a new level of balance within myself. Last night I discovered the quote below which is a wonderful illustration that mirrors some of the understandings I have been gaining in my work with femininity. This quote is from the Hindu stream where Lord Vishnu is the protector of the world and Lakshmi is the goddess of abundance. Divine archetypes worth repeating.

Where Vishnu is speech, Lakshmi is meaning;
where he is understanding, she is intellect,
where he is creator, she is the creation;
she is the earth, he is the support of the earth;
she is a creeping vine, he the tree upon which it clings;
as he is one with all males, she is one with all females;
as he is love, she is bliss.
The Path of the Priestess: A Guidebook for Awakening the Divine Feminine by Sharron Rose

The following poem is the result of a vision I had when asked to experience Agape Love.The truth is that we are never truly alone, we are surrounded by love if we choose to see it, if we choose to be it.

My feet whisper along the path,
my heart flutters as if filled with brilliant butterfly wings.
Delicate and resilient all at once: lightly weighted.

The scent of freshly uncovered earth,
the wind on my back,
the sounds of birds singing embrace me.

Bare roots under my toes rain slickend.
The light rain cools my skin,
and taps on fallen leaves in staccato fashion.

Pine needles turn a brilliant orange
matching the new fire that burns within
a brighter, yet softened flame.

A misty fog rolls in,
the moment pure Zen
while the surrounding trees embrace me.

No longer in my Castle Keep,
choosing again to be free.
I move forward in a new vision of Love, of me.

Agape Love creates the inner peace.
Gently, this love shows me my hurt places.
It allows me to pour golden love into the open spaces.

Learning more & more to love and accept me,
yes, this is the right place to be,
seeing now I am already complete.

How we view Love is a reflection of how we view ourselves. Just the other day I was talking with a spiritual friend about how many of my friends do not truly “see me.” He then shared that this reflected two things: 1. how much of me they were able to see/receive themselves and (the clencher), 2. how much of myself I was actually showing them. Ouch! I then recognized how much I hold back. Those who have conversed with me off-line may disagree that I hold back, and yet for as much as I share there is a treasure trove that I keep in reserve.

In holding back what I share, I reveal to myself where I also hold back in love; still afraid to fully immerse myself and jump in. 

It’s no wonder that I am continuing to learn these lessons. To truly love, I just need to dive in and trust that the water is where I am to be. The person I most need to love and nurture is me. I so feel the broken record in my learning, repeating the same lesson.

So the Dance of Love is truly, underneath the veneer of Romantic Love, the dance we dance first with ourselves.

The divine lover is spirit without body;
The physical lover is body without spirit;
The spiritual lover possesses spirit and body.
~Ibn Arabi


In the innocence of our youth, in the hopes of being loved we:
– placed ourselves as offerings on the altar.
– anted up our hearts in the poker game.
– stepped out of our shells in the hopes of something greater.

In return we were:
– sacrificed in a non-sacred way.
– fooled, trumped and cast away.
– crushed, unsure of our own footing.

In the hope of staying safe from the heartache we now:
– fear and run from the very things that can set us free.
– repeat the same lessons & games, choosing to crush or be crushed, not loving nor trusting ourselves fully.
– create new barriers to love, calling it a myth, and find ourselves in power struggles.


On this day of the Equinox we are in the energy of balance. Being the first day of Spring, we are also in the energy of rebirth and renewal. This is a fantastic time to choose balance and a new path, if we so desire it.

Yesterday, Kate Rose posted an article about the different types of lovers, here. An insightful read that may help in your understanding of love. 


Painting Josephine Wall



Sacred Geometry of the Divine Union

Geometry is one of my favorite subjects. As I move through this journey, I keep seeing images of the geometry behind the sacred, or Divine Union of the Divine Feminine & Masculine.

I will do my best to illustrate what I am growing to understand, this is my first attempt to explain this in such depth, even to myself. The mystery is unfolding before me and this is the most I understand at this time. As my understanding grows, I will be sure to share it!

In science the triangle shaped Delta denotes change, movement, this will be important in a few moments. For now, let’s look at the geometrical basics of the triangle. The triangle is comprised of 3 sides that can vary in length, where two lines meet is called a vertex and forms either a right or acute angle. To form a triangle, the three vertices equal 180 degrees.

Structurally, triangles form the most basic building structure. The triangle is a stronger structural shape than the square. Look at the ancient Egyptian pyramids, Mesopotamia’s Ziggurats and Mesoamerica’s Castillo’s and then compare their still standing structure against the “younger” square shaped Ancient Roman and Greek structures.

Separate Forces

Upward facing triangle is masculine
This triangle represents the rising force of Heaven, fire and air; I’d add that it’s also electricity. The energy of the Hunter, which is often represented by lightening in many ancient cultures. Furthering the query, his represents divine inspiration and the aspiration to perform and complete; to conquer & to spread his seed. His is the hero’s journey whose overarching purpose is to protect.

Downward facing triangle is feminine 
This triangle represents the force of Earth or gravity, and includes the elements earth and water. The energy of the Gatherer, she uses her magnetism to pull to her what she needs, just as the force of gravity is magnetic so is that of the divine feminine. Her chalice, or womb, is needed for manifestation. Hers is the void, the unseen, the keeper of the mysteries (think of the connection here to feminine cycles, gestation, childbirth and breastfeeding; all mysterious). Hers is the story of the mother with the overarching purpose to nurture.

Divine UnionDivine Union: Perfect Balance & Manifestation
When the two divine forces come together (sly grin), they form the Divine Union of manifestation & create a perfect balance. Each triangle needs to bring with in itself as much balance as possible for the union to have its greatest impact (hence all this GD alchemy and healing I keep blabbing about).

Together, the two triangles represent 360 degrees: A Perfect Circle. One can also trace the outline of the formed shape as infinity, or a twisted circle: the number 8.

The conjoined triangles are also found in the center of the heart chakra. Additionally, all four elements are joined together in the Divine Union through his fire & air, while she provides the materials for formation of life: water & earth. She supplies the womb or chalice while he provides the seed. He protects her and she nurtures him. It’s almost like it’s Divinity (oh, wait, that is what I’m talking about here).

Tiffany is speechless. Wait, what?
As I write, I’m in awe of so many pieces coming together at once. I don’t know what else to say at this point. I’m filled with the magic of self-discovery and awe that so much of this came through my varied experience, being able to see the big picture from within.

With the exception of checking the direction of the triangles and ensuring my memory of the degrees of a triangle (it’s been a while), everything else was from my vague understanding of sacred geometry and separately of the Divine Feminine & the Divine Masculine through personal study. However, most of this is from information I have begun to understand through meditations and daily living, and little whisperers. I’m not saying that what I’ve displayed here is correct, this is just my understanding. 

So, really Tiffany, what does all this mean?
Oh, yes, that. How could I forget?! The 3-Dimensional version of the Star of David is the Merkaba, the Divine Vehicle. This can assist in taking us to our fullest potential of self-actualization. So it’s kind of a BFD.

I believe that we are moving upwards as a planet and this may be why so many of us are letting go of our old, non-working relationships and seeking the twin flames for our Divine Union. Whew!

Please feel free to comment and make any corrections or your own correlations!

Cover graphics by Will @ He has some awesome work. Please check it out!

(C) 2016

Kosmogonic, this is what I was working on. Your post with the flower of life helped me to move it to this level.

Mama, a woman died in this house

© Jan Stolarik |
© Jan Stolarik |

My coming out [of my self-imposed prison]

is the freedom to fully be who I am.

And the surrender to the Divine Essence expressing through and around me.

[and one day] My coming out [of my self-imposed prison]

is the marriage of twin souls with my life partner

In Gratitude

In love

Unfolding as more than we could ever on on our own.

-Alana Fairchild “Journey of Love”

She came into my room and stood beside my bed while I dreamt dreams of other wordly places. Her platinum blonde hair reflected what little moonlight was able to seep into the otherwise pitchblack room. “Mama,” she said softly as she stood over my sleeping body, “mama, a woman died in this house.” I awoke from my dream inside of a dream and asked her to show me the woman. Without a word, my daughter stepped to the side and a multi-colored, magnificent and beautiful light suddenly, yet calmly, appeared before me. I was comforted by the light of the woman’s presence, though at that time in my life (even in dreams), I was terrified of spirits. “I see,” I said and then I returned to my slumber within my dream.

It was not until the next day that I recognized that I was the woman who revealed herself, through my daughter, to me in the dream. At that time, over five years ago, I did not see the significance of why I had died there. It is only now that I see how I had let go of so much of who I was, and who I thought I wanted to be, while living in that space. I put so many aspects of myself “out to pasture” while I became a working mother whose world and activities revolved around many things, leaving little for herself.

Last year about this time, I began to revive my warrior. It was only natural that I would need her to survive the upcoming year of separation and moving out on my own (for the first time ever). The Warrior’s CPR was performed through weight training and running meditations that included street and obstacle races. Much to my surprise at the time, she really came alive in the mud! Her revival lead to many outward changes in my life. With her, I recaptured the desire to fight and stand up for myself again.

It has taken me until this very day to see the many layers of significance in the “Mama, a woman died in this house” dream. For it is now that I have chosen to consciously step into my Divine Feminine role. This has been quite an undertaking as there have been several aspects of the Divine Feminine that I have eschewed for most of my life. For starters, I have always identified more with Athena (Wisdom, Warrior) than Aphrodite (Beautiful, Lover). This is apparent in my choice of reviving the warrior long before the lover. My affinity towards Athena can also be seen in my choice of simple hairstyles and no (or rarely worn) make up. My wardrobe has consisted mainly of shorts or jeans, tank tops, t-shirts, tac hats in black (lots of black) and red…rarely have I worn heels, skirts, dresses or “girly” colors such as pink.

In stepping into the fuller aspects of my feminine self, means stepping into skirts and dresses that I have spent most of my life turning my nose up to because they were “too girly.” In fact, I vividly remember 15 years ago trying on wedding dress after wedding dress. I remember getting very irritated with myself that it was “taking so long” as I could not find a dress that I liked. While standing on the pedestals wearing all white full-skirt dresses with tulle, I could not identify with the woman staring back at me. Perhaps this is why the dress I finally chose was a bridesmaid’s dress of a deep purple. Ahh, so much of my life is beginning to make sense to me now.

It is only now that I admit to myself that I have desired to adorn my body in beautiful fabrics and clothes. Interesting that it has taken me 40 years to do so. So today I choose to take baby steps in the direction of embracing my femininity through the clothes I wear. To the old me, this would have seemed so superficial. To the new me, this is just another way that I can express who I am.

I raise my glass of Bourbon and toast to undying & embracing who I am (and wearing girly clothes, well, some of the time).


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