The Song of the Sea

Gonna rise up turning mistakes into gold.

Gonna rise up and find my direction magnetically…

Rise by Eddie Vedder

It’s no wonder I must descend into the murky depths for my soul to heal.

When I feel, I feel with each and every fiber of my being; down to the core.

My passion, when I fully allow it, runs rampantly;

a fire wildly coursing through my body.


I needed the depths of the abyss to suffocate

the fire that threatened to me burn down to my subatomics.

In descending into unconsciousness, I was at a loss for words.

Words are not the void’s means of  expression;

instead feelings and images, pain & suffering.


the abyss was the wet blanket I needed,

for my passion was threatening to consume me;

deeply burning from inside out.

the water helped me to avoid over-consumption; burning up to nothing.

in ascending, my fire is more maintainable, less overwhelming.


the treasures are new sight, renewed freedom and a greater sense of peace.

while i was down, i knew it was not forever, i was loved and protected,

being told repeatedly “tomorrow this time, you will be ok”

the still quite voice reminded me, over and over, again and again.

even in the throes of my darkest pain and suffering, i new i would be reborn.


the pain, the suffering, the blindness were all springboards

to a new level of being: happiness with less pain and with greater clarity of vision.

no longer bound by my self-induced prison.


the dark night of the soul, I can now say,

has brought to me brightness in a new way.

my spring has sprung, now ready to face a new day.


i thought i needed a knight, of the darkness or the light

to save me, yet here I am shown again and again,

I am the hero in my own story.

I am the knight, both dark and light.


the daughter of a seemingly absent King Neptune

who magically bestows everything in its Divine time,

who really truly is always there for me, if I but ask nicely.


a lady of the water,

who knows how to breathe, while holding her breath.

knowing that under the water, there is life,

even when walking through the valley of the shadows of death.


the song of the sea; the right song for me

learning to live life more and more authentically.

singing with my voice fully opened,

free to be me; the song of the sea


now i see why she has called to me,

no wonder inland I could not live: I am of the Sea.

now learning to forgive my trespasses

and those who have trespassed against me.



__/|\__ Ananda & Metta


Woman iv/v by Ax: In Living Colour

Woman iv/v
by Ax

I can see your colours that fill,
every inch that is naked from a soul,
that feels the essence of being a woman,
wanted by another in a need to hold.

I can see the colours swirling over flesh,
drawing a mystery over time expressed,
taking the challenge to impress,
reading the truths with honour and respect.

I can see more colours that comes from inside,
where the deepest secrets reside,
harbored safe from hurtful eyes,
saved for the grace of a pure hearts cry.


Chronologically, this is the first of the Woman v series that I read and became the impetus for my review of this series. Ax, thank you, again for this unique experience!

The four-line stanza structure remains from i-iii, still with a freer appearance that began in iii. Each stanza begins with the poet describing what he can see in his Goddess from her flesh to her soul.

The poet sees his Goddess now in living colour, and can peek into the parts of her that make her whole; even the parts she usually hides. Naked before him, he can see the truth of who she is, while honouring and respecting her. He can see where she has hidden behind the mask and sought approval in taking the challenge to impress. He understands her reason for having kept her greatness a secret from the judgment of others.

In i the poet creates his Goddess. In ii he conquers and claims her. In iii he melds with her. Now in iv he sees her as unique; he understands her, maybe even better than she understands herself. He sees her now as his soul mate or twin flame.

Related Poems & Essays:

I Want You
The Rose
Without Words

__/|\__ Metta

Mama, a woman died in this house

© Jan Stolarik |
© Jan Stolarik |

My coming out [of my self-imposed prison]

is the freedom to fully be who I am.

And the surrender to the Divine Essence expressing through and around me.

[and one day] My coming out [of my self-imposed prison]

is the marriage of twin souls with my life partner

In Gratitude

In love

Unfolding as more than we could ever on on our own.

-Alana Fairchild “Journey of Love”

She came into my room and stood beside my bed while I dreamt dreams of other wordly places. Her platinum blonde hair reflected what little moonlight was able to seep into the otherwise pitchblack room. “Mama,” she said softly as she stood over my sleeping body, “mama, a woman died in this house.” I awoke from my dream inside of a dream and asked her to show me the woman. Without a word, my daughter stepped to the side and a multi-colored, magnificent and beautiful light suddenly, yet calmly, appeared before me. I was comforted by the light of the woman’s presence, though at that time in my life (even in dreams), I was terrified of spirits. “I see,” I said and then I returned to my slumber within my dream.

It was not until the next day that I recognized that I was the woman who revealed herself, through my daughter, to me in the dream. At that time, over five years ago, I did not see the significance of why I had died there. It is only now that I see how I had let go of so much of who I was, and who I thought I wanted to be, while living in that space. I put so many aspects of myself “out to pasture” while I became a working mother whose world and activities revolved around many things, leaving little for herself.

Last year about this time, I began to revive my warrior. It was only natural that I would need her to survive the upcoming year of separation and moving out on my own (for the first time ever). The Warrior’s CPR was performed through weight training and running meditations that included street and obstacle races. Much to my surprise at the time, she really came alive in the mud! Her revival lead to many outward changes in my life. With her, I recaptured the desire to fight and stand up for myself again.

It has taken me until this very day to see the many layers of significance in the “Mama, a woman died in this house” dream. For it is now that I have chosen to consciously step into my Divine Feminine role. This has been quite an undertaking as there have been several aspects of the Divine Feminine that I have eschewed for most of my life. For starters, I have always identified more with Athena (Wisdom, Warrior) than Aphrodite (Beautiful, Lover). This is apparent in my choice of reviving the warrior long before the lover. My affinity towards Athena can also be seen in my choice of simple hairstyles and no (or rarely worn) make up. My wardrobe has consisted mainly of shorts or jeans, tank tops, t-shirts, tac hats in black (lots of black) and red…rarely have I worn heels, skirts, dresses or “girly” colors such as pink.

In stepping into the fuller aspects of my feminine self, means stepping into skirts and dresses that I have spent most of my life turning my nose up to because they were “too girly.” In fact, I vividly remember 15 years ago trying on wedding dress after wedding dress. I remember getting very irritated with myself that it was “taking so long” as I could not find a dress that I liked. While standing on the pedestals wearing all white full-skirt dresses with tulle, I could not identify with the woman staring back at me. Perhaps this is why the dress I finally chose was a bridesmaid’s dress of a deep purple. Ahh, so much of my life is beginning to make sense to me now.

It is only now that I admit to myself that I have desired to adorn my body in beautiful fabrics and clothes. Interesting that it has taken me 40 years to do so. So today I choose to take baby steps in the direction of embracing my femininity through the clothes I wear. To the old me, this would have seemed so superficial. To the new me, this is just another way that I can express who I am.

I raise my glass of Bourbon and toast to undying & embracing who I am (and wearing girly clothes, well, some of the time).


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