The Pain of Judgement

Judgement. We all hate receiving it, yet when we scratch the surface, many of us are living our lives judging ourselves and others. In observing my own thoughts and behaviors, I see where I judge nearly constantly, both myself and others. In hearing others talk, and in attempting to separate myself from the habit of gossip (even when I have someone’s “interest” in mind), I see how easy it is to engage in the judgement more than not. But is it right?

While I do believe that on some levels judgement is required, when judgment is overactive, we can find ourselves more and more miserable and separated from others more than united. Discernment allows us to make choices that benefit us and others. Without discernment, we would be frozen in the water.

When we feel that judgment no longer serves us, we must see what we want to change first so that we can make it happen. The next step is to replace one habit with another. To this, I’ve decided to give more spoken complements than silent judgements. This helps change the tide while also recognizing that, on some level, judgment and discernment is necessary.

May we each see the habits which no longer serve us, so that we may move forward, individually and collectively. May we learn to judge ourselves and others less and less, allowing greater compassion for ourselves and others. 


Image courtesy of Pexels

Healing the Sense of Brokenness

When we feel broken or incomplete, we seek external fixes from which to feel whole. Maybe we seek this “fix” from others, through our behaviors (shopping, chemical dependencies and even positive things such as working out) or we may even just outright deny there is even a problem. Maybe we lash out and and get short with the bank teller, our loved ones or another motorist; thus creating more trauma. Until we go within, these external “fixes” are merely band-aids.

When we feel broken, we rarely take the time to look at the beliefs that lead to this feeling, this perception. To heal this feeling is to give the hurt what it needs. Often it is love, sometimes it is recognition, or it may be attention or something even as simple as breathing into it. Each of these is a form of surrender.

It is in seeing our pain for what it needs and giving it just that thing which allows us to heal. Sometimes we may need to reach out and ask for help and support from our Higher Power, or from friends and family. For it is in asking for support that we also surrender. In asking for support we also allow the vulnerability of connection, helping others to identify their own needs and meet them…thus perpetuating the healing.

May we each see our wounds for what they need and then meet those needs, with or without the help others. With each wound that is freed from bondage we, as a collective, are also set free.


Heal Thyself

In our internal pain, we often seek from others the elixir that we really need from ourselves. Other times we consciously or unconsciously lash out against others and hurt them, in an attempt to ease our own suffering. It is in beginning within that we can identify what is lacking so that we may give that missing love to ourselves.

Supportive modalities can include:

  • Meditation
  • Prayer
  • Laughter
  • EFT Tapping
  • Surrendering into the feelings – our emotions cannot kill us, blocking them can cause dis-ease
  • Journaling
  • Counseling or Life-Coaching
  • Breath works
  • Salt baths
  • More prayer
  • Daily devotions
  • Exercise – especially stretching such as with Yoga
  • When we seek outside of ourselves to fill the void, we miss the mark. It is truly when we allow ourselves to surrender into the emotions, or ask our Higher Selves to step in, again, through surrender, that we can rise above the pain and begin to feel love and open again. The love is already there, we just need to unlock it from behind the pain.
  • Hurt people hurt others. It is imperative that we each learn how to heal ourselves. Otherwise, we continue to perpetuate the cycle of victim-perpetrator. These are two sides of the same coin.
  • May we each unblock a new level of peace within; this is where healing the planet begins.
  • Namaste
  • Sowing Love (a poem)

    Flickering light in golden hues

    Casts shadows over me,

    Over you.

    Threading the needle,

    Sometimes in this darkness

    Feels impossible.

    Slows breath,

    Furrows brow,

    Eye squints,

    Focus on passing through.

    Pulling together fabric

    With golden threads

    What once was separate

    Returns to one.

    A finger prick

    Fabric from white to red

    A broken heart

    A weary head

    Warp and weft

    Infused with love

    For you,

    For me.



    Sown with seeds

    Planted between the seams

    Golden threads bring together

    What was torn asunder

    By pain, by fear

    By endless Constraints


    By love felt anew

    An open heart

    No longer fears reprisal

    An open vessel

    Ready to receive

    Wrapped in a blanket

    Sewn for you,

    For me.


    Becoming The Love You’ve Been Looking For

    Fantasies about knights in shining armor started at a young age for me. I wanted a man to save me from my miseries; to whisk me away on his stead into the sunset. Fairytales, it seems, were a vast part of my psyche.

    Then in my late thirties when my marriage dissolved and I was left to face my life, with my miseries and messes, I turned away by looking for the knight in shining armor again; and to no avail. In seeking, I upped my misery. Yet while I sought, I also began to look inward. This blog, in all of its iterations, reflects a good part of that journey.

    Today, I am seeing that the love and acceptance I’ve sought in others was quietly waiting…right here, inside of me. Yes, I’ve read in books this concept of self-love. Yet, it was only recently that I began to experience it as a regular part of my daily life and reality.

    How has this come to be, you may be wondering? It really is more simple than you may want to believe. If you’ve been following my story, you may see the pattern. It is about the consistent application of self-love and self-compassion in the face of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

    To be more specific: The places where we have built walls must be torn down. Those walls are the thoughts and beliefs that block us from our own light, our own love and in maintaining those walls, it eats up our energy.

    This place of self-love is behind those walls. It can feel scary to “walk into” those blockades, for each brick is a thought we have taken the time to place and mortar together to form these walls. Then we take to painting our beliefs of who we are, like murals, on these walls. So to look closely at any of the murals or walls is to question our very own self-concept. It can feel like death to question who we are. In a way it is: it is the death of who we believed we were.

    Furthermore, we feel vulnerable when we take those walls down. As each of those bricks was formed in the belief that life or love hurts us. Yet the reality is that those very walls keep us locked in with the pain, while the love we seek remains on the other side of the keep.

    The very thing we seek is within us. It is up to us to break down the walls that separate us from ourselves and hence from others. We can be so busy blaming others for our pain that we avoid seeing how we are hurting ourselves and creating the very things that keep us locked in that hell.

    So go to those walls. Breathe through the fear, the heartache. Write, cry, dance and be moved by the emotions that you’ve been keeping locked up. In freeing them, you free yourself. With each wall you break down, you will find another measure of love for yourself.

    It is in “feeling the rainbow” of human emotions that we become who we are here to be: ourselves unlimited, ourselves being free.


    What We Resist, We Become

    I didn’t want to be bitter

    When Marriage vows dissolved

    Yet that is exactly what I became

    I hid it even from myself

    Like a red tide, it was 

    Just below the surface

    And that is my shame

    For this, I have no one

    But myself to … blame.

    Accepting responsibility for 
    What I’ve created here,

    I lift my new eyes to the horizon

    Seeing all of life differently;

    I can now choose from variety.

    I am not my bitterness,

    But I own that it is part of me.

    The death grip it has had on me,

    My emotions, and my nihilistic behaviors

    Loosens. Icy tendrils may persist,

    But my heart may once again feel its bliss.



    Love at The Core & Bridges NaPoWriMo13

    Bridges are lifelines; a connection.
    They are gateways to new worlds;
    a transition.

    Bridges are filled with secret mysteries.
    They both frighten and fascinate me.
    Travelers on them, travel with vulnerability.

    Bridges are communication between lands.
    Yet so often we take them for granted.
    Until the connection is broken or blocked.


    As I walked the beach this week,
    I marveled more than my usual
    at the beauty of a local bridge.

    Even bridges need support,
    the pilings whisper
    as I take their picture.

    Yet so often travelers overlook
    the support from below.
    Like the bridge, we are fully supported.

    The key we so often miss,
    is the heart at the core, our nucleus.
    We push, when all we need to do is exist
    within this nucleus.

    When we can be with the purity
    at the center, it changes the nature
    of the electron field.

    We draw to ourselves based on
    what we allow at the core.
    Our actions, when driven from here
    keep the motor moving.


    Go now and live in your own Heart’s center.
    There you will find all answers.
    Cleanse your magnet, attracting more others
    Who speak your language, fluently.

    It’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
    Each piling relies on the others to do its job.
    Interdependence helps win this game called life. 

    Be connected in Love, through your heart.
    Not your mind, this is the most important part.
    Love for Love’s sake.

    It is here where you will find your wholeness
    always existed. 


    Miriam at Out and About has a post about bridges that I feel fits nicely into this theme of seeing life differently.

    Images: author

    Willing to Trust

    Trust can be elusive. Many of us have had our trust and faith broken by life and those in it. The result is the inability to be open to trusting that others have more than their own self-interests in mind. 

    We also carry distrust for ourselves. We become unwilling to have faith in what our guts tell us. This lack of trust leads us to disconnect or not connect fully with ourselves and others. While we may interact and be involved, we hold back. We isolate parts of ourselves. Aspects of ourselves are held hostage in fear of being seen and appreciated. We suffer. Our relationships suffer, because we are not fully living; we are holding back. 

    Today, how can you be willing to trust yourself a little bit more? For when you can trust you, you will find that you can more easily trust others. What are you afraid of? 

    “I am in the process of trusting myself.” It all begins within. 

    The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. ~ Ernest Hemingway 


    Loving Yourself in Spite of Yourself

    At first glance it may sound odd to love yourself in spite of yourself. Yet so often in life we withhold love from ourselves when we need it the most. It’s as if we can only love ourselves and give ourselves compassion when things are going well. When we are upset with ourselves, however, for being (of all things) upset, we withdraw from ourselves the very things that we need most in those moments: love and compassion. 

    So where are you holding back and not giving to yourself the very thing that you need; love unconditionally? How can you show yourself just an ounce more love right now? Open your heart to yourself. Go ahead, you have nothing but your suffering to lose! 


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