Friday Funnies (NSFW)

So I’m going to do my best to make this an ongoing thing, Friday Funnies. We’ll see how long it lasts…You might want to use headphones!

So for now, enjoy!

 

With Friends Like These (Sexual Humor)

Humor is an amazing way to bond with others. This past weekend, I had a wonderful time pushing boundaries with brand new friends and friends I’ve known for decades (yes, decades). I did my best to capture the essence and actual quotes from this weekend. 

There are many excellent quotes that I missed. I’m so sorry for this (punish me, later?). We were raunchy and obnoxious, using hashtags and following up each others sentences with “that’s what she said” (#twss). Got it? Let’s go!

Turn Down for What?

Upon meeting a new friend, “l” she and another friend “made room” for me at the bar:
l- Here, squeeze in here!
t-that’s what she said!
l- [hand on t’s shoulder] oh, my, we are going to get along very well! (oh, and we did, quite gloriously!)

First, a message from our sponsors:

t- “Today is brought to you by the letter D. Tomorrow will be I.”
d- “I C where you’re going with this, K?”

It’s time to hit it! (#twss)

I like it deep, deep on the Southside. (#twss)

Meat Conversations: there was a lot of smoked meat consumed on this weekend….(#twss)
v – Did you do something different this time?
j- Yes, I salted & rubbed the meat last night. (#twss)
v- It’s so much more moist.(#twss)
j- I did the same thing with the pork butt. (#twss)
v- So you added the rub? (#twss) You rubbed the butt? (#twss)

j- The bone just fell out of there. (#twss)
v- This is your piece of meat, J? (#twss)

l- Tiffany, I see you chose a place that serves a bunch of meat! (#twss)
t- I gave you three options, YOU chose the place with all the meat! (#twss)
l- It’s ok. Really, you can never go wrong with meat in the morning. (#twss)
t- Or breakfast, lunch OR dinner.(#twss)
l- or a meat snack.(#twss)

s – I’m not gonna lie, this is the best meat I’ve had all week. (#twss)
s – Eat more meat, it’ll make you feel better.(#that’s what HE said)
s – When are we going back to the three-way cafe again? (#twss)
s – Like Jump on that meat? (#twss)
s -they made this beer too alcoholic. (#WTF?)

In talking about working out and running:
d- After 5 miles [of running], I get bored.
t- I just think about sex. What do you think we do for 13.1 miles?!
d- Well, there’s a problem, it’s awkward for me to run horny [as a man].
t- #three-legged-race?!

d-You’ve got to support the penis
(in unision): l- yes with my hands t- yes, with my mouth

I hope you had a good laugh, or more. Perhaps it’s more funny in person. I’m still giggling!

~~~

Namaste

__/|\__ Metta & Ananda

2016.02.29

Friday Funny: #Lovethis

So now that I’m out of the abyss, I am finding my bliss. And it’s making me rather punchy and, well, here goes nothing:

You know, the friends on FB and IG who have more hashtags than words in their posts?! Made me want to vomit. I wouldn’t read your posts…really. #sorry-not-sorry

Well, I use to hate hashtags until I saw this. If you are one of “those” who hashtag more than write, I now forgive you.

In my “crazy running tribe,” we made our own hashtag sign language. #suckit is one of our faves. (use the hashtag sign, then gesture towards your genitals twice) Maybe one day I’ll do a vine.

#cant-stop-wont-stop (yes, i even included hashtag in my tags. #suckit)

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