Allowing the Breakdown: A Sign of a New Beginning

Just as old buildings must be razed before new ones can be built, old plans and ways of living must be broken down so that we can begin anew. This process can feel like death and in a way it very much is: it is the death of the old ways of living. As such, it can be, and often is, somewhat painful and scary. This process is prolonged or intensified when we grasp and attempt to hold onto things that no longer serve us; and prevents us from realizing and living something even better and greater. 

If we instead recognize the painful feelings as a sign of the dawn breaking through the darkness, we empower ourselves to face the loss while focusing on the breakthrough that follows the breakdown. 

“When one door closes another door opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”
~Alexander Graham Bell

Destruction and creation are two sides of the same coin. The death of what no longer serves us becomes the fodder for our new way of living. Just as the fallen trees become nourishment to support the growth of the new forest. To live is to grow and expand, just as to die is to stagnate. As such, when we focus so strongly on what has been “lost” we fail to see what is being born. For those who have eyes to see, allow them to see: there is something on the horizon that is far better awaiting you, awaiting me. 

May we each find a greater sense of peace, understanding and allowing during the breakdown, knowing it is heralding and supporting the breakthrough.

Namaste

Emotional Freedom Begins With You

Emotional freedom comes from repeatedly choosing to observe our emotions and thoughts objectively; as a witness would. Otherwise, our thoughts and emotions rule us or we attempt to rule and suppress them (and then they eventually pop up again, either in obvious or secretive ways).

The phrase ‘repeatedly choosing’ is also important here. Just as we require routine activities to keep our homes and bodies in order, our emotional landscape requires continual upkeep. Also, it is our will to do the work or to ignore it and allow the emotional or thought “weeds” to grow; hence our need to choose.

It is when we decide that the pain of holding on is greater than the fear of letting go that we can grow; when we can allow life and healing to truly unfold. It is our will that keeps us from letting go. When we hold onto what has past, we cannot open our hands to allow the present to fully unfold. 

In these ways, emotional freedom is ours to choose. Witness what you think, what you feel, as if you were watching a movie. You will find that the more you practice this, the easier it becomes to detach and move forward into acceptance, into allowing and recognizing the impermanence of what we think, feel and even do. These are the keys to emotional freedom.

Namaste

PS Fear not! You will still have emotions! They just will cease to consume, overwhelm and “control” you.

Allowing to Let it Go

When we push away the feelings we don’t want to feel, the resisted feelings only grow stronger. It is in breathing through and allowing ourselves to feel (not necessarily act out) our feelings that allows them to move through us. It is gen that we can choose differently; to move forward. Letting go happens when we allow, not when we push things away. 

May we each allow a new voice from within ourselves its space, so we may move forward with a greater sense of grace.

Namaste

(C) 2017 Tiffany Cara

Strategies for Letting Go

One of the hardest things we can do is to truly trust and let go. In our fear, we hold on with a vise grip to our pasts, our expectations, our pain and control; to name but a few. This past week, I have had two life coaching calls with two different life coaches to help me through this process of letting go. I value both coaches and they both have different approaches; both are valuable to me for different reasons. 

When I get stuck and feel that I need a bit of tough love, I turn to my life coach Comfy Crystal. I seek out Crystal’s support when I need a kick start. She also knows my history as she and I are family. Crystal uses forgiveness of others and self to assist with letting go. 

Maggie Lukowski has a different approach that is also very helpful to me in that she pulls from me my motivation. Her approach is more nurturing and “touchy feely,” a listen-to-your-heart type of coaching. She showed me that I can let go by beginning my intentions with the phrase, “I am in the process of __________.” This simple and effective phrase helps me to remember that mistakes are okay, and maybe even helpful, in taking my next step. 

So if you are feeling stuck in your ability to let go of some aspect of your life, you may benefit both from the techniques I’ve shared as well as contacting a life coach. Of course, I’d recommend my life coaches.  No, I’m not receiving any kickbacks or favors for endorsing them. 

May we all learn a new way today to let go of the things that trouble us. 

For How Long Do You Suffer?

The keys to our freedom are in our hands. Yet so often we ignore them, brush them off, put them to the side or outright deny them. The keys to our freedom rest in our willingness to walk into and sit with the paradox of our dilemmas. We have been taught to avoid our own shadows, our fears, the things that go bump in the night and wake us up. Yet it is in the darkness that we have the potential for growth. Seeds sprout and take root in the dark. Our creativity is also borne out of our willingness to take a walk on our own dark sides.

So for how long will you suffer your fears? Carrying them around on your back, on your chest, weighing you down and keeping you from your greatness?

It is through walking into the pain that releases it and allows us to grow into something greater. The release is in the surrender; in the trust that we will survive our emotions, our inner conflicts and paradoxes.

One of the great cosmic jokes is that in embracing our pain, we are finally able to be free of it.

Images: google

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The Power and “How to” of Letting Go

Today is a great day to allow what needs to be let go of to pass. 

Our fears, unresolved emotions and pasts haunt us when we allow them to go unchecked. Unconscious tapes play in the background of our psyche, ruling us with their power to distract us from our truth. We then make choices out of our fears, often treating others in negative or blocked ways because of our haunted pasts.

To be able to move forward in life, it’s imperative that we learn to “let go” of our past hurts. This process allows us to think clearly and make choices that support us instead of choices that keep us further stuck. When we no longer live unconsciously through our wounded selves, we open up more fully to others in our lives. We see that the peace and happiness we sought were right there, all along.

Here is the method that I have found the most helpful and supportive in moving forward. 

When an unwanted thought or emotion first starts to form, begin to:

  • Slowly breathe in and out, allowing your belly to expand as you breathe in (taking in more breath), and slightly contracting it as you breathe out. The lungs and belly work together instead of oppositionaly.
  • Imagine the thoughts and emotions pouring or “leaking” out of you and collecting in a box (use whatever kind of container works for you).
  • Imagine that box being taken to a Higher Power for transformation. You can use angels or your vision of The Creator or The Universe to do so.
  • Trust that the piece you have released is gone. We heal in layers, so there may be more that needs to surface. It’s kind of like unplugging a drain, once you start to pull things out, more comes up to be gotten out of the way.
  • Repeat as needed throughout the day. Again, the sooner the better.

The quicker I perform this Visualization when a thought or emotion takes sprout, the less of a chance it has to take root and bloom. Sometimes I even perform this clearing process preemptively, too.

Anecdotal evidence:

I’ve been doing this consistently for a few weeks and in the last week on an almost continual basis each day. Today I had my annual check up and my BP was 108/69 (I haven’t run since March and my gym routine fell apart last month). The Nurse Practitioner also asked me if I was a runner because I had a “slow and steady” heartbeat like a runner would. This was after gaining weight since my last check up. Also today I had been racing around while drinking heavy coffee, not sleeping well and being at the doctor’s office (I use to have “white coat syndrome”). All this to say is that I believe this mediation process has played a big part in my positive health results today.

Namaste

Images: Google 

Hard to Resist

Hard to Resist
The desire to jump in the fire.
To “fix” the things that are unbroken.

Hard to Resist
peeling back the petals
to make the rose bloom faster.

Hard to Resist
rushing the ebbing tide
pressing it to flow back in again

Hard to Resist
the natural unfolding
To “undo” the things that were fine the first time.

For a blissful moment
I find myself able to breathe through all of this…resisting the resistance.

 

Strings

Strings sure make a mess of things.

Attached to this, stuck to that.

knotted and curled,

hard to unfurl5

Spagetti tangles

All within becomes a mess; mangled.

Strings, attached to things.

unable to come undone

without conscious living.

cutting, severing and releasing

giving it over to a higher power.

once again releasing my vision of you.

returning now to living free

and breathing. until the

strings again reform.

~~

image: Google

 

Celebrating more than Grieving

When my soul passes from this world, it is my hope that those left behind celebrate my life more than grieve the loss of it.  As such, I am now choosing to celebrate more than grieve.

It is easy for me to focus on what I have “lost” this past year. Two days ago, many suppressed emotions hit me like a freight train after I was stood up. I was blind-sided by well-hidden and suppressed anger towards men, guilt for breaking up the family, and deeply-seated fears of abandonment and rejection.

By sitting through these emotions, allowing them to just express themselves without getting attached to them with statements like, “No, I don’t hate men,” or “yes, I’m a bad mother,” I was able to allow the beliefs to become neutral and no longer charged. It was hard as hell, yet worth the effort to become free of the charges.

I had been holding onto grief as if it were my job! I realize I had subconsciously packed up emotions and physical possessions. Now I am sorting through it all with an open heart and mind. Today I see that if I want to stop grieving, then I need to start celebrating!

Today I choose to celebrate:

  • being a mom that is freed from many of her own fears.
  • the relationships with men who are present and supportive warriors.
  • having a lighter home with fewer things to pack, move and unpack.
  • the light, will and strength within.
  • the freedom within to choose new ways of being.
  • that what is meant for me will never miss me.

May we all find the freedom to celebrate more than grieve today and every day. I hope you will join me in your own way! Feel free to share the things that you choose to start celebrating today.

Happy Mother’s Day!

image: safina5tumblr.com

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