Rebuilding Connections with Ourselves and Others

Pushing and pulling, we move through life. Resisting and stopping, we stagnate and can die inside. We are human beings, yet all of this action means we are constantly doing and disconnecting. What if we’re always busy doing so much that we’re missing the point?

I remember as a child that I always wanted to be older, bigger and wiser. Then, in my mid-life, I wished to go back to where I could be more playful again. So I’m learning to seize the moment and enjoy life more in the now, being with what is.

All of our doing and multi-tasking prevents us from knowing ourselves and from being ourselves. This prevents authenticity within and between ourselves and others. How can we shift this? By being more authentic ourselves.

Slowing down, unfolding and releasing the need to go-go-go as well as decreasing the need to multi-task with everything helps us to reconnect with our own being as well as with others. In being more and doing less, we allow our true selves to shine through.

May we each connect more fully with ourselves, becoming increasingly authentic so that we may foster greater connections with others. The more we can accept ourselves, the more we begin to accept our faults that we see in others. (See what I did there?)

Namaste

Last night I felt the cold, again

last night i felt the cold again
it reminded me of how cold i felt in hot-assed August when i decided to ask for a divorce.
usually preferring to sleep in the nude, 

once his energy withdrew,

all i could feel was cold at night,

when not nude.
the same happened to me overnight,

the house was warm for winter,

yet under my piles of covers,

all i could do was shiver.
i miss the warmth of a loving body

next to mine.

and knowing someone is

thinking of me, regardless

if there’s sunshine.
last night i felt the cold

to my bones. 

no fleece sheets, 

nor down comforter,

nor skin & fur of sheep

could keep me warm.
perhaps it’s the withdrawal

of my fire, 

cooling it to prevent

complete burnout.
i can only guess,

but in my body and head

it’s a cold place to be

my bed.
1/27/2016

The Empty Frame

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The wound is the place where the light enters you. -Rumi

There is a deep, pervasive emptiness from which I often try to run and hide. It permeates and weaves through so many aspects of my life, like a malignant web of blackness that darkens my vision and protects me from the very thing that I seek: Love.

Filling my time, my schedule, my mind with activities and tasks, I avoid looking into the emptiness. Yet it beckons me. It calls out and sometimes it seems to  swallow my being. Late last night I tried to avoid its call. I stayed out late, in the hopes of falling asleep before I could gain a glimpse at the emptiness. Instead, it fixed it’s fiery eyes on me and stared me right in the face, gripping my heart with its icy tendrils. It’s grip would not relax until I finally relinquished my fear and met its leering gaze. Once I acknowledged its presence, the real free-fall began.

It is interesting how disconnecting from Facebook, meditating and “Letting go” of my dream of a lover has helped me to find this barren desert in my soul.

In scanning last night through the YouTube videos of one of my favorite spiritual leaders, Teal Swan, I quickly happened upon a post called “Emptiness (How to Stop Feeling Empty)”, embedded below. This nearly 9-minute post helped me to begin to see many of the places in which I have turned away from love. I was able to see a new perspective of where I have been wounded, the moments where I was hurt by what I thought was love.

Love didn’t hurt you. Someone who doesn’t know how to love hurt you & you confused the two.

– Tony Gaskins, Jr

At my core, I know that love heals. To live the full truth of the healing properties of Love, I am looking through my “debris field” for all of the parts of me I have left behind; the parts that believe love hurts.

At the end of the video, Teal uses one of my favorite Rumi quotes to summarize the message she is conveying:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi

Photo Courtesy of adamr at Freedigitalphotos.net

In the Meantime

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“i want to be
in love with you

the same way
i am in
love with the moon

with the light
shining
out of its soul.”
― Sanober Khan

In the meantime…while I wait for love’s sweet embrace,

I wait, but I do not sit still. In stillness I may sit in meditation, but it is then that I wait not.

I hold the space open for you at my side, but never am I truly alone.

At times I may feel lonely, but all I need do is light my candle in your honor, and feel your warmth from across the room.

When the waves of my emotions threaten to strike me down I hold my ground. At times that ground is in the shifting sands of the shore break. If I am feeling weak or the emotions too strong and I do collapse, I do not let it keep me down.

While I await your return, I sit and weave my words. But never do my feet gather moss.

Sometimes I imagine what you may be doing or thinking as I go about my day. Other times I wonder what it will be like when we finally meet. I do not dwell on these fantasies, yet they are there.

You are not on this earth to complete me. You are my compliment, likeness, and support. All of these things exist in me now, even without you here by my side.

In the meantime, I live my life to the fullest. Yes, there are times when I grow lonely. Yes, there are times when I long for more.

In the meantime, I am here. Waiting. Standing up in the shifting sands of the shore break. Lighting my candle. Holding the space. Complete in myself. Join me, the water is divine!

Namaste.

Photo courtesy of thawats at Freedigitalphotos.net

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