The Pain of Judgement

Judgement. We all hate receiving it, yet when we scratch the surface, many of us are living our lives judging ourselves and others. In observing my own thoughts and behaviors, I see where I judge nearly constantly, both myself and others. In hearing others talk, and in attempting to separate myself from the habit of gossip (even when I have someone’s “interest” in mind), I see how easy it is to engage in the judgement more than not. But is it right?

While I do believe that on some levels judgement is required, when judgment is overactive, we can find ourselves more and more miserable and separated from others more than united. Discernment allows us to make choices that benefit us and others. Without discernment, we would be frozen in the water.

When we feel that judgment no longer serves us, we must see what we want to change first so that we can make it happen. The next step is to replace one habit with another. To this, I’ve decided to give more spoken complements than silent judgements. This helps change the tide while also recognizing that, on some level, judgment and discernment is necessary.

May we each see the habits which no longer serve us, so that we may move forward, individually and collectively. May we learn to judge ourselves and others less and less, allowing greater compassion for ourselves and others. 

Namaste

Image courtesy of Pexels

UnHome for the Holidays: Breathing through the Holiday Blues

When I was younger, several family friends found the holidays depressing. This perplexed me, I wondered how people weren’t joyous during the holidays. Now I understand. This year marks the 4th Winter Holiday Season since separation, and eventual divorce. Having two young children who are now “forced” to split their holidays between parents, this time of year brings to the forefront the loss of the “Norman Rockwell” image of family that I have held since a young age (sometimes with a white-knuckled grip) in my mind.  So while I can still find joy in the holidays, there is an ever present longing that I am keenly aware may never be filled…and part of me blames myself.

Breathing in, I feel the grievances of childhood ideals. Just for this moment, I choose to not question them, for to do so would be to question my right to feel the losses; losses which are palpable for me at the moment. 

Breathing out, I feel my grasp on the ideals slowly slip away.

Breathing in, I allow this cycle to repeat: allowing the feelings and the ideals to be, then allowing my grip on them to release.

So now I feel better about Christmas, at least. Now to move onto New Year’s Eve, another year in which to celebrate being single, while grieving the vacancy at my side. 🙂

May we each find a greater sense of peace about where we find ourselves in life during this more sensitive time of year. May we further allow our grievances to surface, so that we may acknowledge and honor them, then allow our grips on them to soften, freeing us to enjoy greater degrees of freedom from our suffering. Peace begins within.

Namaste

Know that you are not alone in this. If your emotions are overwhelming and/or preventing you from activities that you normally enjoy, please reach out to someone who can help: 

  • National Suicide Hotline (US) 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or chat available 24/7
  • Mental Health Referral Hotline (US) 1-877-726-4727 available 8 AM – 8 PM EST Monday-Friday

Why Mindfulness Doesn’t Always Lead Directly to Calmness

After a rough weekend, I needed a bit more self-care to be ready for the Monday. Following several bouts of meditation and feeling aligned with The All, I sat and read an inspirational post that quickly “got to me.” Yes, this inspirational post ticked me off greatly! Out of the blue, a wave of envy washed over me: “It must be nice for her to be able to do all of that. She must have a lot of free-time! Otherwise, how could she possibly…?”

In allowing the envious emotion to rise and crest, I began to see where I have felt envious if someone else were to have anything better than me. Hmpfh! Guess I’m not so humble after all… In reflecting on this further, one of my spiritual coaches recently explained to me that we begin to hear our subconscious minds more clearly when our conscious mind feels safe; I’d add to that, “and clear.”

While I understood her at the time, I can now see this more clearly in my mind’s eye. The subconscious mind is constantly sending out ripples of thoughts and beliefs that are much like the ripples seen after throwing a pebble into a calm pond. However, the ripples are easily camouflaged when we our conscious minds are feeling anxious (or anything other than calm); much like the ripples from a pebble thrown into the ocean during a storm would be virtually unseen; yet still present.

As such, I am bringing awareness to this part of myself that I’ve been pushing down and ignoring.  The energy and feelings of envy serve only to build more resistance and push away from me the very things I’d like to create in this life. These feelings no longer serve me, and today I choose differently.

In our mindfulness, may we each see another element that blocks our inner peace, so that we can choose differently. In our mindfulness, may we know that we are exactly where we need to be, being and doing exactly what we need to be doing with what we have. May we see the ease with which others move through life as an inspiration for our own experience to be of greater ease, peace and joy. 

No mud, no lotus.

Namaste

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