Shifting Purpose & Writer’s Block

white cassette tape
Photo by Stas Knop on

In a way, I feel as if this “head cleaning cassette tape” were something I had used on myself! And thus I have also “dated” myself… 

What does one write about when the purpose of writing has suddenly disappeared? This blog was born out of my desire desperate need to understand and share my process of self-discovery. It was as if I were an archaeologist who dreamt of Indiana Jones’ type adventures and yet found herself waist-deep in sh*t,  sifting through sand, muck and rubbish seeking the hidden treasures within.

YET, plot twist?! The main drive behind this was more to uncover the source of the deep foreboding sense that there was something terribly, horribly, indescribably wrong with me at my core. We’re talkin’ Apollo 1 type of ‘this ship won’t launch and kills everyone on board’ sense of messed up feeling at my very core. 

Looking back, I see where I did my absolute best during this process to focus on the light, to focus on the “lessons on the other side of the pain.” And some days it seemed the more I reached for the light, the more “the evasive darkness at the core” haunted me more.

Enter the Dragon: Enneagram 4
After delving into the Enneagram 4 personality, I had a profoundly freeing “EUREKA!” life-altering-180-degree-countenance-shifting moment where the pervasive and heavy feeling of my faulty core became but a speck instead of a burgeoning and endless well. For fours, it is part of our nature to have this sense of an “irredeemable deficiency.” Hearing other fours acknowledge this lead to my accepting this as “part of my condition,” and allowed the Dragon to do its quick-work to melt away the dross, eliminating the need to further excavate.

Rubicon Crossed: Check Mark… & now what?!
Now, I have magically crossed “The Rubicon” and, in a way, I’m experiencing an existential crisis with the blog! My purpose for writing for so long (even pre-blog) was to excavate and DIG. I’d become a digging beast-machine. Now, there is no more need to dig. So now I’m in a place of asking myself, WTF do I do now? The purpose for my writing is …. seemingly gone?!

Yes! There are still things to “work through” and “understand” and “accept,” yet they do not have the “fire” behind them. The best analogy I can think of at the moment is to imagine you have been blogging for nearly 5 years about your experiences of finding, dislodging, accepting and loving this damned annoying and evasive rock lodged in your shoe and then when you finally see the rock you immediately see it is gold, so now your reason for writing is …. effectively gone because your self-help crisis and blog were based on the rock in your shoe. So now what do you write about?! 

A different focus.
Well, I have been posting inspirational memes somewhat daily on Insta (unfilteredheart77). This has required more effort than I had expected, perhaps because of shifting streams and allowing of the memes to unfold. Effortless-effort, as some would call it, can take more time and patience than blogging about the process of “vomiting” my insides out…

Please bear with me as I get comfy in this new understanding; it’s quite nice, really. So MUCH angst is gone. It’s just a matter of getting used to the new so that I can write more again!

May we accept a greater level of peace with our journeys; appreciating more deeply where we find ourselves today.


Strategies for Letting Go

One of the hardest things we can do is to truly trust and let go. In our fear, we hold on with a vise grip to our pasts, our expectations, our pain and control; to name but a few. This past week, I have had two life coaching calls with two different life coaches to help me through this process of letting go. I value both coaches and they both have different approaches; both are valuable to me for different reasons. 

When I get stuck and feel that I need a bit of tough love, I turn to my life coach Comfy Crystal. I seek out Crystal’s support when I need a kick start. She also knows my history as she and I are family. Crystal uses forgiveness of others and self to assist with letting go. 

Maggie Lukowski has a different approach that is also very helpful to me in that she pulls from me my motivation. Her approach is more nurturing and “touchy feely,” a listen-to-your-heart type of coaching. She showed me that I can let go by beginning my intentions with the phrase, “I am in the process of __________.” This simple and effective phrase helps me to remember that mistakes are okay, and maybe even helpful, in taking my next step. 

So if you are feeling stuck in your ability to let go of some aspect of your life, you may benefit both from the techniques I’ve shared as well as contacting a life coach. Of course, I’d recommend my life coaches.  No, I’m not receiving any kickbacks or favors for endorsing them. 

May we all learn a new way today to let go of the things that trouble us. 

Acting Like Kids Again: Energy Playground 

If you’d like to try something new and to have some fun, then read on. If you are happy with your life as is, then no need to go further!

Last week, in Rose Colored View, I mentioned doing some energy experiments after I started reading Pam Grout’s book E-Cubed. Last week’s experiment was a review of E-Squared and this week is all new. 

These new games sound like fun, so I’m hoping you’ll join me in this experience. Interestingly, some of the games below I had been doing prior to reading about them, so I can attest to the new lightness that I’ve felt since beginning them.

For the next 3 days or 72 hours, let’s:

  1. Start our days by dancing and having fun getting ready to our favorite up-beat songs. “Beautiful Day” by U2, “Happy” by Pharrell, & “Up for the Downstroke” by Parliament are some of my faves.
  2. Be grateful for every little thing in our lives (even the oops’es). Remember Bob Ross’ happy trees? Sometimes the hiccups can turn into something beautiful.
  3. Request a cosmic joke from the universe to reveal itself in the next 72 hours (doing this just the first day will suffice, or you can do this for each of the three days if you choose to be so adventurous!)
  4. Take silliness to the streets. Think of Patch Adams for inspiration.
  5. Write down your observations and feel free to share them here. How do you feel? What was different during these experiment days? 

I am going to be doing these experiments through the week and I plan to post some of my own observations and experiences. It is my hope that you will share your outcomes here or with any updating posts. 

Let’s go forth and choose to be merry! 

Featured image: Google

Shifting Paradigms

To help to improve ourselves, sometimes we ask, “What did I do wrong? Or what could I do better?”

Recently, in contemplating a particular pattern I’m finding in my relations with men, I started to ask myself these questions. Before I went too far down the “WTF” path I was on, a light bulb went off. Suddenly it occurred to me that the real question I need to be asking is “What am I doing right?”

This naturally lead to answering for myself the following questions: How am I now setting healthier boundaries? How am I now connecting with men in a way that is trusting and open vs doubtful and closed? How am I now expressing myself and my needs more openly and receiving respect in return? And how about how I am mentally exploring my sexuality vs physically

So I ask you, dearest reader, to now reflect: how are you doing right by yourself  today? This is especially poignant if there has been a change.

Image: Google 

The Luckiest Fish


“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a stroke of luck.”
– The Dali Lama

Even when for the best, there are times during the end of a relationship where former partners can have low points when feelings of rejection, depression, unworthiness and failure (to name a few) crop up. Separation and divorce seem to amplify those feelings.

Today, I had the pleasure of working with a woman who shared the paradigm shift that helped to release her from these harsh feelings. While I do not know her back story I do know that when I saw her several months ago this woman was quite upset about getting divorced. Today she explained to me that she was recently lamenting about her 2 “failed” marriages that ended in divorce. Her friend then turned to her and said, “but you’re the luckiest fish in the world. You got away, twice.”

If you’re happy in your relationship, then please by all means, stay (really, why would you want to leave?). However, if you are miserable and only making everyone else miserable because of it, then maybe it’s time to move to different waters. So swim, my friends. Enjoy the sea. Enjoy your freedom. Life is meant to be lived freely and happily, not caught on a hook of unhappiness.


Author’s Note: Both my ex and I agree that we are happier apart than together. Though we had some rough spots pre- and post-separation, we have remained mostly amicable throughout the process. For this reason alone, I do feel that I am lucky.

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