Dancing Through Sadness

For several hours, I moped around like Eeyore. Thoughts like a broken record circled my mind, it seemed the sadness and grief that gripped my heart would surely cause it to cease pumping.

The backstory could have been anyone’s. Yet what I did next may seem novel. I played sappy love songs to pull out the pain. Then, I got up from the couch, rather reluctantly, and began to tap one foot. My heart was tired of the weight of the sadness and knew dancing would help. It just took my mind and body a song or two to thaw out.

After 20 minutes of increasing movement, I had gone from toe tapping to boody-shakin’ and arms-in-the-air full body dancing. This is the best part: my heart, mind and body all felt light again and literally after 20 minutes. Now I’m asking myself, “What took you so long to shake and move it?” 😉

I wish I could take credit for the idea behind this, but it is not my own. Several months back during a session with my life coach, Sam, she suggested that I dance every day until our next session. While initially reluctant yet receptive, dancing became a necessity that got me through some rather tough emotional times.

While my regimen has fallen back to several times a week, it was so helpful to keep me more even-keeled when I danced a daily basis…

I strongly encourage everyone to find a favorite tune and shake it out. Happy or sad. Angry or not. It can be immediately mood altering and uplifting. Given time, it becomes life altering.

Namaste

image: google

Spectrum: We Are Shining

This week, when I was feeling rather down, I needed to get myself out of the dumps. The work I do does not permit me to stay down. So I started singing again. I imagined myself onstage as I sang the pain of my heart out. It was quite a performance. When the song faded, I started it again. After about 3-4 doses I began to feel alive again. After about 4-5 doses, I felt electrified.

This may not be the right song for you, however, since then when I’ve been feeling blue, I jack up the radio and open up my lungs, heart and throat while I sing. I know it must look like a funny thing to other drivers. I laugh at the thoughts they must be thinking…and just keep singing. 

So I encourage you to let the spectrum in. And “say my name” 😉

Image: google

the bitter heart

it took so long to appear,
to bubble up to the surface,
i was beginning to think i had cleared it.
when sadness gripped my heart
in a way it never had before.

in writing through the sadness,
i soon found beneath it
a mother load of rampant bitterness.
breathing, doing my best to avoid
my avoidant behaviors (yea, don’t ask).

 

literally, doing my best to keep grounded
while feeling so completely confounded
in my newly uncovered feelings,
meanwhile dealing with my son yelling, screaming
(I can no longer remember the reasoning),
while my daughter asked me,
repeatedly how to spell something.

hard to be able to split
my energy between three
simultaneously held needs.
alone in being the provider
of meeting said needs.

 

digging deeper, i gain
a greater understanding
of the bitterness in my heart.

why could he not have walked
with me further along this path?
so much suffering spared,
i easily thought, directing my anger
at him…but not for long, as i
quickly turned the blade to myself.

why could I have not chosen better,
done better, been better than this?

a thought path chosen, not helping
my heart to become unfrozen.

soon my inner vision returns
to me: without being seemingly
alone on this path, it says quietly,
your strength would have been
a story unknown, untold,
maybe one to never unfold.

it is now, that the
bitterness releases its grip.
may i learn to keep
from the slope of the slip,
staying in touch daily
with my feelings…

2016.02.21
Namaste
__/|\__
Metta

Image:
Google

Sliding down

 Please check out the artist behind the drawing with the link, below. This image captures the pain that was growing before I saw her drawing…powerful timing!

Sliding down

Like dew off of a leaf

Collecting

Pooling

Condensing.

The tears she weeps.

~~

The pain within grows,

Feeling it to her toes,

Gripping her head,

Ripping her heart.

Seeping,

Tearing, 

Festering,

Falling apart.

~~

Amorphous

Darkness

Some rising

More falling

Inverse soaring

Resisting

Time lapsing

Dry sobbing

Memories crashing

Begging

Pleading

Exhausting

Finally 

Surrendering

Releasing

Sadness ceasing.

~~

Rains clearing

Tabla rosa

Moola Mantra

All cleansed

Return to bliss

Vessel filled

Love

Acceptance

Joy.

Soaring again,

Minimal fears

No more tears,

For now 

My friend,

For now.

Life begins

Anew.

~~

Quick update (2016.02.21): this was penned yesterday and the sun is back shining today both literally and figuratively, basking in the Rays. Unseasonably warm here in Virginia, such a contrast in temp and mood for me from just last week. Thank you for reading my journey! 

~~

Artwork: “Life Pain” by Donna Shell

“I am a 29 year old average Australian Psychology student who has ADD, depression, anxiety and Binge Eating Disorder. I am no artist, but I can dream. I have found an outlet in creating – be it by computer, words, or images. This image is a visualization of the intense emotional pain that is currently […]

http://wemustbebroken.com/2016/02/17/artwork-life-pain-by-donna-shell/

~~

Namaste
__/|\__ Metta
2016.02.20

 

Forty-eight Pounds

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10 pounds of shame & guilt
10 pounds of blame
10 pounds of self-loathing & self-disgust
10 pounds of anger
8 pounds of sadness
Saying hello and welcome to 48 pounds of gold in the form of self-love! Today, I love me.
Namaste’
Image courtesy of dan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Still Quiet Voice Within

ID-100224361

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Anaïs Nin

Only you can cry your tears, dear. No one else can cry them for you. Holding your pain in only hurts you. This is why your chest is tight.

Each person has a plot of the garden of life to tend to. Only you can pull the weeds you are meant to pull. You cannot pull weeds for others and others cannot pull weeds for you. In your garden you are both the Creator and the Destroyer. You choose what lives and you choose what dies.

Let go of these weeds, my child. It prevents you from grasping the beauty of love. You hold onto the weeds in fear. But fear not, for you are loved. Fear not, for you are loved more than you can currently conceive. By holding onto the weeds, you are only are holding onto the pain.

You see, you have a choice, my dear. You can hold onto the fear or you can let it go and allow the light of Love to shine throughout your being.

Love is in the letting go. 

Love is in the opening of your soul. 

Love is in the laugh that tickles your throat. 

Love is in the wind that caresses your skin. 

Love is in the smiles exchanged with others. 

Love is not conditional. 

Love does not depend on the weather. 

Love does not depend on how others treat you. 

You have a choice, my dear. 

You can hold onto the fear or you can allow the light of Love to shine.

Yes, sometimes it is important to surrender into the fear, the sadness, the anger. Allow it to stop time and bring you to your knees. It is in the surrender that you see it for what it is. Nothing. In the face of Love, fear does not exist.

Focus on what you want to have more of in your life. Give gratitude for what you do have. What you water and pay attention to grows.

So let go, my dear.

Cry your tears.

Sow your seeds.

Pull your weeds.

Open your soul to Love.

Water what you want to grow.

Yes, it is that simple.

So be it.

From The Still Quiet Voice Within

Namaste

Image courtesy of amenic181 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Giving Ourselves Permission

On this day I had two patients who both seemed to want to suppress their feelings; one did not want to celebrate her achievements and the other felt bad for throwing herself a pity party. They both seemed to need permission to feel what they were feeling.

So with the first patient, I pulled out my pad of paper and hand wrote a “permission slip” to invite her to feel her feelings of self-pity. “You now have permission to throw yourself a pity party. Just be sure to leave after you have cake & ice cream!” This not only made her laugh, but it also gave her great comfort to know it was acceptable to feel bad for herself after something not-so-great had happened to her. By having the pity party, she knew it would just be temporary.

When the next patient was hesitant to celebrate her improvements, I followed the same idea. I again brought out my pad of paper and wrote her a permission slip to celebrate her achievements. Her note was similar to the one I wrote to myself, above.

While they were both amused and laughed at my antics, they each saw the value of what I was showing them: they could give themselves the gift of feeling what they were feeling. They could give themselves the gift of being present within their feelings (without guilt or shame).

Later I wrote myself those same permission slips. And I gave myself permission to feel what I was feeling, so I would not have to revisit them again, (and again) at a later time. I also gave myself permission to love and adore myself, which are feelings I usually reserve only for other people in my life.

So today, please give yourself permission. Permission to feel your feelings and to feel them fully. Permission to cry when you need to cry. Permission to laugh and celebrate when you need to celebrate. Permission to BE and to FEEL. That is what we need more of: People who accept what they are feeling and allow those emotions to move through them, instead of getting stuck by shame or guilt.

You now have permission to feel your feelings, fully! (it’s your actions and behaviors that can cause the problems, so for now, please just feel)

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