Yesterday marked the half-way mark between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox in the Northern Hemisphere, and Summer Solstice and Autumnal Equinox in the Southern Hemisphere. It is interesting that many of us may also find ourselves in transition during this time. I most certainly do!
There is a mixture of excitement and restlessness here. As a very goal-oriented person, it is a challenge for me to feel settled when not working on specific goals. Learning to surrender into this space of unknowing, as if awaiting my next set of orders, creates some anxiety for me. However, I’m learning to recognize the parts of me that want to push and push; pushing is so exhausting!
A great meditation on Insight Timer, which found me, is subtitled “Divine Laziness.” There is so much beauty and wisdom in this space between; in the surrender. Breathing deeply into the unknown also gives a sense of freedom.
May we each find peace in the spaces between what was and what is yet to be. There is SO much potential here, if we can just be patient enough to allow it to be.
After about a mile into my 5+ mile Sunday hike I sat on a bench and chronicled the pure ecstasy of my Sunday sojourn. In this post I share how taking a side trail shifted my experience…and some of my paradigms as I traveled through The Bardo: The place of transition according to Tibetian Buddhism.
A turn through the style
And a passage into a past time once lived
At first, I searched for new memories
Then different scenes, scents and thoughts brought back times long gone
The salty air of the marsh trail
Old scenes crashing into erotic thoughts now lost
The boardwalks where wayward dogs
Sought refuge from heat in muddy waters
Humans followed two sets of large paw prints
The tide moves into this place of transition
And with it the memories return, bittersweetly
The many years of scenes with
Wet dogs swimming at every clearing
in brackish waters begging for owners to
Throw a stick or a toy
Careful in some places, the current is swift and will steal
Away the gifts
In this moment, my presence reaches for
The sights and sounds …
The feeling of water brushed onto my legs as wet, excited dogs run past
of dogs playfully nipping at one another
A competition for the attention of their owners
Loyal dogs with high intelligence
Their ears perk and heads turn giving us
Their full attention
Chewbacka just may have been modeled after a German Shepherd Dog’s vocal inflections
Then there are the copper cypress needles adding richness to the brown hues on the trail
Here I remember my son’s first steps on the sodden earth
Or carrying my daughter in a rainbow sling,
Pausing for snap shots and capturing memories
Or the “pregnant” tree I stood beside
When my first baby bump began to show
Yes, here I am once again in the Bardo
Where the bittersweet memories meet the pain of what is no more
Walking along the low trails near the cypress bogs
I release my emotional pain into the winds
And through salty tears that stain my cheeks
Then in the mirror-like water of the tiny lakes
I see the sky reflected more beautifully below than it is above
The water’s reflection symbolic of its adoration of the sky
Oh, to be adored in such a way
My mind takes a different path on this day
For so long I have feared my uniqueness and my ability to carry so many different energies
Now in this place of Bardo and balance, I see and begin to believe
by law there exists a man
Who can carry the same
More tears well up, threatening to burst forth
Yes, there must be balance – you cannot be alone in this
I love the effects of light on water, accentuating textures as the tide moves into the salt marsh. The current is swift here, twirling in eddies. The Bardo, a place of transition. Unedited balance
The smell of the earth and cypress needles fills my senses
Soon to be replaced by a curious citrus…
Tears from bittersweet memories have dried on my face,
Such a cleansing feeling the citron scent brings
It’s been at least 18 years since I started hiking regularly at this park
Hard to miss memories made here
I wish I had appreciated all of these times more
Lessons I seem to learn over & over again
The search for new memories
Slowly replaced by the reliving of old ones
All in the same place
The Bardo: this place of transition
I could know by now that ecstasy can only be maintained for moments in time, surely each time I soar or fly, there is a requisite digging into the darkness below. Balance in all things.
This song seems to capture the feelings I had during the latter part of my Hike.
