Unfiltered from the heart

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    being with the sting: a process of grief

    in fighting the fallreally i am fighting it allmost notably myselfdepriving the presentof my own presence built within the human experience a spectrum of emotionsto push one away is to blunt them all the process of griefhas fixed stationsin some i lingermoving away languidlyin others i resist deeplyat times bouncing between the themes the path…

    tiffany
    2–3 minutes
    , , ,

    in fighting the fall
    really i am fighting it all
    most notably myself
    depriving the present
    of my own presence

    built within the human experience
    a spectrum of emotions
    to push one away is to
    blunt them all

    the process of grief
    has fixed stations
    in some i linger
    moving away languidly
    in others i resist deeply
    at times bouncing between
    the themes

    the path each time
    lived in its own order
    based on what
    is needed, permitted
    or pressed into a corner
    ohhh & the level of self-abandonment …

    anger, like fire, rises up
    & ignites passion
    gives energy for change
    if its path is fully permitted

    sadness, like deep waters, pulls me down –
    at times i wonder if i’ll drown
    in my own emotions
    fighting it all is just exhausting
    like treading water
    while caught in a hurricane

    denial – does it even exist?
    this isn’t happening or
    focusing on the things i find distracting
    keeping my mind thinking on all the other things
    & saying eff off to all these icky effing feelings

    guilt & shame
    a blending of anger & sadness
    for me
    the darts of fire pointing, stabbing
    jabbing within
    they ask, respectively:
    what did i do wrong?
    & worse: what tf is wrong with me?

    bargaining, begging
    how can i get another chit?
    what can i give for another take?
    there must be something i can give
    for this whole thing is more that i can bear

    the process is ongoing,
    where acceptance is just another
    and seemingly elusive station
    where peace is bestowed or finally presented
    (it was there along, i just didn’t see it)
    the portion of which is in proportion to the allowing
    of each previous station
    i can bounce in and out of it
    based on the intensity with which
    i find myself re-looping into the past,
    out of the present

    perhaps this life thing is really about
    most fully experiencing
    each given moment
    within the spectrum as it is presented
    choosing repeatedly our focus
    can assist or break us down further
    where are we fighting, allowing
    giving up or over-doing

    in oh so many ways
    we can choose our perspective
    & thus our experience

    {image: pexel}

    copyright 2023 & 2024 tiffany c. all rights reserved

    15 responses to “being with the sting: a process of grief”

    1. The V Pub Avatar
      The V Pub

      Grief certainly does have stations. Brilliant description.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Tiffany Avatar
        Tiffany

        Glad you liked it, Rob! And i greatly appreciate the much needed pun levity from yesterday 🤓

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        1. The V Pub Avatar
          The V Pub

          It was fun!

          Liked by 1 person

        2. Tiffany Avatar
          Tiffany

          It was and also punny 🫣

          Liked by 1 person

        3. The V Pub Avatar
          The V Pub

          Always a punster 😁

          Liked by 1 person

        4. Tiffany Avatar
          Tiffany

          Well, feel free to pun away 🤣, and no pressure, though. No need for any performance anxiety!

          Liked by 1 person

        5. The V Pub Avatar
          The V Pub

          Here? I front of everyone? What will they say about my pun? 🤣😎

          Liked by 1 person

        6. Tiffany Avatar
          Tiffany

          Be one w the pun… it’s just as it is meant to be for everyone 🙃

          Liked by 1 person

        7. The V Pub Avatar
          The V Pub

          I have communed with the one pun. It is done.

          Liked by 1 person

        8. Tiffany Avatar
          Tiffany

          Grateful to have been part of the pun fun

          Liked by 1 person

    2. Mark Lanesbury Avatar
      Mark Lanesbury

      And each and every emotion is fine tuning who we are. And it is especially in those harder times that truly build much empathy, compassion and love…for us, in going through them. And then in that, we only ever give out what we are so these experiences are shining that light within us more and more. Yes, many fight it because it is too hard, too painful…but…it is in that pain that we grow. In the beginning it is just so painfully draining, the fatigue to even do simple things are beyond us. But like any injury, and especially an emotional one, we will slowly heal. Many don’t realize that if you break a leg your up and going in 6 or 8 weeks. But an emotional injury takes so much more out of us and takes much, much longer to heal and it is in learning to give ourselves that time, that space to allow so much to be gone through, let go of, and find what it has created within it. Big hugs dear lady, each word you speak, each moment you feel, is letting go the old and opening the new. And the biggest thing I hear in it all is…so much time it takes…but it is like anything we create within, like a baby or menopause, our bodies and hearts need time. And to build something so profoundly beautiful is worth each and every step we take ❤️🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Tiffany Avatar
        Tiffany

        Thank you, Mark, for the depth of your reply! I appreciate your share, compassion and insights.

        One thing I’d say differently is that the amount of time doesn’t necessarily need to be lengthy. In walking this path, what I’ve found is that the amount of time is proportional to the amount of resistance to allowing the process to unfold.

        Perhaps it is also in thinking it will take a long time to heal that we create a self-fulfilling prophecy? Hard to know.

        One more thing that I see often as a physical therapist is where clients will attempt to rush their healing process (resistance & another form of denial?) and slow it down further … as if steps can be skipped or skimmed.

        Just my observations & experiences 💜🙏🏼 Thank you for being here! I appreciate our candor

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        1. Mark Lanesbury Avatar
          Mark Lanesbury

          And very correctly said dear lady, you are right. We do indeed open or block to whatever resistance we do have to any particular event. Us delightful humans have many, many bits inside from so many circumstances. But I suppose that is the making of all individually. I think the ‘slowness’ is simply because we don’t understand how we feel with all those emotions, and it takes much time to understand what it is in what we feel. But we will gradually understand. We don’t have to think about a broken leg too much, it just heals on its own…if we get out of the way. And yes, we do indeed ‘want it now’ or skip things to just get beyond its hold over us. Impatient lot, but we all want to be beyond those hard bits. A great comment dear lady, thank you 😀❤️🙏

          Liked by 1 person

        2. Tiffany Avatar
          Tiffany

          Mark, you are so lovely! Yes! We can be inpatient, for sure. It’s a double-edged sword, as it’s my guess the same pressure to move forward in the healing process is also the same pressure that helped our ancestors press forward with exploration & invention … though we could also discourse about how both exploration & invention have lead to the deaths, illnesses and torture of many. Humans are a mixed bag for sure.

          And yes, I do believe our various bits & how we respond to the hits in life affect who we are individually. I also believe these are the gems that we can each carry to help others. The great challenge is getting through the tough bits where many of us (myself 💯% included) want to throw in the towel or move into denial … yet where most gems are made under pressure. Another reason we’re probably mixed bags: what destroys one can amplify another.

          Hope you have had a great day! 💜🔥🙏🏼

          Liked by 1 person

        3. Mark Lanesbury Avatar
          Mark Lanesbury

          Most certainly dear lady, and I hope your weekend has been great too 😀❤️🙏

          Liked by 1 person

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