Unfiltered from the heart

feeling the scent of overwhelm yes, it’s a scent
dropping my face into my hands
calling on grace yet again
dropping to my knees
pleading for her hands to erase or at least ease the burgeoning burdens
the memories, of what was & of what could’ve been haunting my thoughts
and breaking my heart wide open

at first grace can feel like a sunbeam on an already existing burn
yet burning & drowning are what i’ve been feeling & fighting against
grace, also arrives as a life raft
where i can only hope to have the ability to summon the remaining strength to heave my exhausted spirit into it to avoid completely versus partially drowning

the work of grace is to surrender the:
~ beliefs that no longer serve
~ expectations & disappointments of life’s experiences

the work of grace is to rise above the:
~ shaking of fists and the stomping of feet
~ begging and pleading for some sense of replete

the work of grace is to:
~ avoid focusing on where all feels depleted; those thoughts are the hurt parts speaking
~ allow the cracks in the clay of the beliefs to form & break apart the untruths i’d believed as canon until then

grace is found & given in:
~ the moments where I catch my breath again before the heart-wrenching memories & thoughts kick my arse again …
~ breathing life into the cracks & crags, allowing them to deepen, splitting open the vessels of what i believed to be true only truth remains in the light of grace
~ recognizing where things did go and are going well … after all, it really could’ve been a much hotter and more effing humid version of hell

thoughts come back ’round to peacefulness as the burning eases
under the salve of graces requested, given & received
rinsing & repeating

{image: pexels}

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