Unfiltered from the heart

’tis the season for cheesy jokes about ghouls & monsters
while an omnivore
one of my fave jokes to come back ’round this year has been:
“what do vegan zombies eat?”

the answer
in a cheesy-zombie-movie-zombie-voice
is quite simply:
grains

please bear with me for a minute while i build my case & you’ll see the connection

ironically, what i’m cutting out at this time are just that: grains
not just wheat, but any grain from grasses that grow on a stalk
(please see the “wheat belly” and “super gut” work from Dr. William Davis)

one exception to the elimination of grains are kefir grains
these are not the grains from the grasses that i’ve described above
they look similar to grains for some, hence the term

meanwhile, they are composed of a colony of various beneficial bacteria & yeast strains
kefir grains are similar in their symbiotic colony formation to kombucha SCOBYS –
but having fermented both in the past
i had found the water kefir grains to be far less temperamental
& easier to ferment than the kombucha (plus, far fewer supplies to order)
– all the kinds of things which make a mommy’s tummy (& wallet) say YUMMY
(yeah, even i cringed more than a little bit at that one)

so, after doing some research & being reminded how easy they are to both proliferate & ferment, i ordered some water kefir grains this past week & expected them to arrive well into next week
after all, i had already started several new yogurt cultures this week & was attempting to space things out
so next week was to have been perfect to add a new thing …
i’m sure you have already seen through all of the foreshadowing

however, as fate would have it,
the lovely grains arrived yesterday & after some internal debating
& polishing up on the instructions then checking my supplies
i decided to start them today – no lie

almost the entire time i was prepping the things for them
at least in my mind, i sounded like a vegan zombie
repeatedly saying “grains” it kept me perhaps a little too entertained
& ultimately named them “loving grains”
no cap

yeah, i know, i have a probiotic problem
no need for any intervention
it’s keeping me entertained & out of more trouble
“off the streets,” so to say
& most importantly
my gut has overall been feeling quite lovely

~~~

but WAIT there’s more!!!
here are some cheesy BONUS halloween jokes w/ answers below… yes, you’ve been warned!
1. why don’t monsters eat ghosts?
2. what’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
3. do mummies prefer white bread or wheat?
4. why don’t vampires feed on snowmen?

{image: pexels}

1. they taste like sheet
2. ice-SCREAM
3. neither, they always prefer a wrap
4. they don’t want frostbite

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